“You are just saying I am beautiful because you have to.” This is what my daughter Giggles would say to me often after she would complain about being fat and ugly in her 5th and 6th grade years. She never 
wore shorts or skirts because she didn’t want to show off her “fat legs.” She had this warped sense of self that steamed from a comment made by a doctor about her BMI.
We went to the doctor’s office, and because it was a sick child visit we had to see someone who wasn’t her regular doctor. Giggles was told about her BMI and how she was at risk to have health issues later in life because she probably didn’t exercise. This doctor–whom we had never met before and didn’t know my 11-year-old daughter from Adam–seemed to know everything based on some little chart. When Giggles asked for advice about her legs, the doctor was so excited that she ‘got through’ to my little girl that she told her to only eat salads and drink lots of water.
Giggles has always been very athletic, riding horses and playing soccer. She also worked at the barn mucking stalls for said horse–which, if you’ve ever had to push a wheelbarrow full of yuck over a series of narrow wooden boards, you’d agree is a sport all its own.
I argued with the doctor. You can’t accurately calculate BMI for athletes because muscle is denser than fat; there are other more accurate ways to calculate their BMI. She totally ignored me. I went on to tell her that most Olympic athletes would be considered obese if judged by their BMI alone. She told me that clearly I had no clue what I was talking about.
The time we spent with that doctor was less than ten minutes. Ten minutes that took years to work out of Giggles’ head.
We are all built differently. While I am not saying that we should ignore BMI, we have to understand that there are other ways that we can accurately gauge a person’s health. And if we are at risk for obesity and health problems, telling us how awful we are isn’t going to help. Before you judge someone based on their appearance, consider that they may be leading a healthy lifestyle already.
Everyone is beautiful and unique. And I’m not just saying that because I have to.
Photo Credit: vividBreeze via photopin cc
About Heather Durdil
This is so true. Those seemingly innocuous comments about getting more exercise can snowball into a lifetime of body issues and eating disorders. I know, from experience ( as I spoke of last week in my post on MU). Your daughter’s visit was the egg, my anorexia/bulimia is the chicken. GOod for you sticking up tot he doctor. WE had a visit. My daughters are both very tall, 97 percentile and their weight is about the same percentile. They are dancers and active children, neither is overweight BUT the doctor felt the need to say IN FRONT OF MY 6 YEAR OLD..You need to keep an eye on that. The one thing I have been adamant about protecting my girls from this bitch puts into their little minds. Talk about a shitty bedside manner. Sorry that your little one had to hear those words spoken. Unfortunately, they can not be unheard:(
Twitter Name: Truthfulmommy
Been there, dealt with that. Actually, it was just last year. I went to a doctor about back pain while playing my flute. You could tell the minute he laid eyes on me that he was going to blame everything on my weight. At the end he said ‘well you’ve obviously very overweight, out of shape, and live a sedentary lifestyle (nothing I said hinted at this – besides the fact I’m a student who has to spend hours in a classroom), so doing these back exercises will be good for you in more ways than one.’ And he did not say this in an encouraging way, he was an ass.
I am a size 18 – 5’6″. I am proportionate in size, but would like to be thinner. I am in a marathon training class that has me sore every day. None of this was thanks to the doctor.
Twitter Name: fluteitup
The damage that can be done by just a few words… I had the distinct pleasure of inheriting my father’s body type, a former 6’7” semi-pro offensive lineman. I used to wear my hair curly, with a perm, until he informed me that curly hair isn’t cute on “big girls.” I’m 5’11”, healthy, and athletic. Before I got pregnant with number 3, I was burning 1000 calories a day in spin and muscle building workouts. UGH… BMI’s are so inaccurate. So much more accurate is waist to hip ratio or a body fat analysis. According to BMI, my best friend, who has struggled with an eating disorder for the last 12 years, is 3 pounds from being overweight. She is healthy, active, and has a 10 year army career, doing daily PT. It’s ridiculous.
Twitter Name: andsheflew
This kind of thing happens much too often. People don’t realize what a huge impact a small comment can make. I remember when I was about ten someone referred to me as “the girl with the big nose.” That haunted the edges of my mind, making me self-conscious until I was about sixteen.
You’re so right about having to realize that everyone is built differently. There’s no formula for Beautiful, despite what the world tries to tell us.
~Stephanie
Oy. I don’t get the whole BMI thing. It’s based on height and weight – didn’t we have an old-school height and weight chart that did the same damn thing?
And any doctor who crashes right in and decides exactly what your life is after simply reading a chart and laying eyes on you probably graduated at the bottom of the med school class (somebody has to, right?). What happened to (especially with kids), having a conversation and finding out what she likes to do, does she eat fruits and veggies, etc. That’s what my son’s pediatrician does. If the answers point to a sedentary lifestyle with crummy eating habits and the BMI is high and the child actually looks heavier than most kids that age, then you have the discussion about being healthy, etc.
This whole thing pisses me off to no end. My son, who is very thin, partially because he has a physical disability that makes it take more effort to walk than normal and partially because he’s a picky eater, was starting to get overly concerned about his weight when one of his doctors started focusing on it a lot. I fired him. That’s not acceptable.
Twitter Name: msmegan
Hate it when the doctors are the sickness. Good for you for arguing, mom.
Twitter Name: writewrds
That makes me crazy! How insensitive of this doctor. Of course you stood up and resisted. Tween girls are fragile and sensitive to their bodies. As long as they are active and eat healthy, this doctor should back off. Also, so much changes with puberty.
unbelievable. scary. that that doctor would do something like that, SAY something like that. in under 10 minutes.
YOU, on the other hand, are incredible.
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
When I was a tween I had an eye doctor tell me one eye was lower than the other and my parents should look through photo albums to see when that happened. Also had an x-ray tech tell me my breasts were very low. So twenty years later, guess what I still hear when I look in the mirror? Good doctors don’t make comments like that. Good doctors treat everybody as special in their own way.
Twitter Name: onblank
Send me the doctor’s name. I’m gonna kick some booty. I have two daughters 7 & 9 and I’m just praying they get through puberty before some idiot does damage to their body image.
I feel like I have to mention I just wrote about this in my blog later picked up by the Huffington Post in a post titled “Am I really fat?” http://thewomanformerlyknownasbeautiful.com/2012/01/am-i-really-fat-my-nude-shots.html
This is a hot button issue.
Twitter Name: shannoncolleary
What a jackhole!
My family physician/internist [not my former pediatrician, who was very kind], well, she was nice too, but I remember being in 8th grade & her saying I should lose weight…I responded, “Can’t I just get taller and stay the same weight?”
;p
Fortunately my parents always said I was beautiful, so it didn’t brutalize me, but really…
Some of the stories here are so infuriating! Sigh.
We are all unique beauties. I have a chiropractor who said that most chiros would say there’s something wrong with me that needs to be fixed, but that we’re all perfect just as we are and simply need to have help with our alignment [or whatever] to be as healthy/happy/etc as possible! ;D
Twitter Name: Al_Pal
you have no idea how much this pisses me off.
I had a random lady who I got into a conversation with at swimming lessons tell me I was lucky that my 15 mth old daughter not eating sometimes was good because “at least you know she won’t be fat.” People are such idiots.
I am a pediatrician. Unfortunately, it is our job to tell you that your child is overweight. Sorry to say, in this country, obesity is FAR more common than anorexia, eating disorders, etc. I agree that the focus should be MORE on proper nutrition, what to eat, not to eat etc instead of focusing on a number. Obesity can lead to SOmany problems later on down the road-do you want your child to have heart disease/diabetes in their 40s, maybe even earlier? If we prevented obesity, our health care costs would not have skyrocketed, either.
It is our job to tell you the ugly truth. If you all listened, maybe your child wouldn’t come back in 30 years with heart disease(a very real killer).
I think it is fair to ask that we break the news in a gentle, less threatening, embarrassing, manner. Suggestions on HOW parents would like to hear the news would be most welcome.