“Mommy, does that go on my face like a mask?” my four-year-old son curiously blurted out when I showed him his, uh, sports cup for t-ball.
You know how most parents will pass gender specific questions on to the other spouse for topics they don’t want to deal with? Well, when you are a single Mom of a boy, you don’t always get that luxury.
When I skimmed my son’s list of t-ball equipment I muttered “Oh, shit” to myself when I saw the word “cup.” I just knew it was going to be one of those things that could get out of control fast.
Me: No, it goes in these… underwear looking thingies… that keep it in place.
Him: That’s not underwear! That looks like belts!
Me: Yeah, this one is like a belt thing that I think goes over your underwear and the other is underwear that the cup goes in.
Him: Does it go over my booty?
Me: No, your penis.
Him: Oh, so I can pee in it when I’m playing t-ball!
Me: What?! No!
Him: Ew. People don’t drink pee, Mommy! I’m not going to drink my pee. Is that what yellow Gatorade is made of?
Me: What?! Why do you think you are going to drink pee?! And maybe on the Gatorade. I’m kidding. Really.
Him: People drink out of cups.
Me: This is not that kind of cup!
Him: Oh good, because it would be a bad one with those holes in it.
Me: Uh. Exactly. So, this is a different kind of cup. You wear it over your penis to protect it.
Him: …. from bad guys?
Me: Yes.. wait.. what? No! I mean like if something is going to hit you there.
Him: Bad guys do that.
Me: No! Well, okay they do… but I mean if you’re playing t-ball and a bat or baseball hits you in the penis.
Him: … what if I’m playing against a team of bad guys… and they drink pee?
Me: Okay stop with the pee drinking! This makes it so that nothing will hit you in the penis and hurt you when you are playing t-ball. I need to find your size now.
Him: You are going to need to get a GIANT one, because my penis is HUGE!
After he tried it on, he quickly learned how to emphasize knock knock jokes with it.
About DontSpeakWhinese
This had me snorting coffee and cereal all over my keyboard. That will be fun to explain to the Genius. I fear this is the year we have to buy a cup too. I’ll never get through it with a straight face now.
Twitter Name: ClumberKim
I can just hear my nearly 4yo boy saying exactly the same things! Maybe we’ll just sign him up for soccer. You don’t need cups for soccer right?!
Twitter Name: crackedmum
So basically what you’re saying here is that the over exaggeration as to the size of said penis starts very very young, and the size of the lie/package grows exponentially over the years.
Twitter Name: msbatman
As the mom of two boys, I can relate. Hilarious!
Twitter Name: renovatorkim
I love your kid! And you! Oh, and of course you’re other kid too! All of the Don’t Speak Whineses!
Twitter Name: Lex 4524 (laprimera)