Morning Multiple Choice

1. On a typical early weekday morning (defined as the time between 6:30 and 8 a.m.), you are most likely to find me:

(a)    Stuffing my kids’ lunch boxes with Capri Suns and other pre-packaged items;

(b)   Feeding the baby her bottle, letting the dog outside to poop and then forgetting he’s out there unattended (which, for our dog, is dangerous because he eats stuff in the yard and then becomes violently ill);

(c)    Wearing the same clothes I slept in to the tune of, “Mommy, why are you wearing your jammies during the daytime?”;

(d)   All of the above.

2. During breakfast the topics of conversation mostly involve:

(a)   The very sudden and unavoidable need to poop;

(b)   The oft-ignored rule of saying “excuse me” after one burps;

(c)    Blaming suspiciously stinky smells on the dog;

(d)   All of the above.

3. While I am cleaning up from breakfast and my twin girls (Izzy and Abby) are supposedly upstairs brushing their teeth, you are most likely to find Izzy:

(a)    In her bathroom brushing her teeth and preening;

(b)   In her closet changing her outfit again;

(c)    In my bathroom looking for a band aid for a nonexistent boo boo;

(d)   Sitting on the landing halfway up the stairs looking out the window and humming to herself. Not having yet brushed said teeth.

4. While I am tending to the fussy baby, trying to find my car keys, and telling myself I can wait until I get back from dropping them off to poop, you are mostly likely to find Abby:

(a)   Following me around, hairbrush, ponytail holder and bow in hand until I do her hair;

(b)   In the car already, locked and loaded;

(c)   Clogging up her toilet;

(d)   Tattling on Izzy for not having brushed her teeth or her hair yet.

5. By the time I get home around 8:05 from dropping the girls off at school, I am:

(a)   Totally and completely exhausted;

(b)   Looking at the clock and realizing how much of the day still stretches out in front of me;

(c)   Wondering if it’s too early to have a lemon drop;

(d)   Running into the bathroom for MY turn;

(e)   All of the above.

6. When the baby is ready for her morning nap, I put her down in her crib and:

(a)   Wolf down a bowl of oatmeal in two minutes flat so I can then take my anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds;

(b)   Wipe down the kitchen counters, fold the laundry, start another load, and begin thinking about dinner;

(c)   Wonder how long I have until the baby wakes up;

(d)   Fret about not having the time to get household chores done AND still have time leftover for myself.

(e)   All of the above.

Photo Credit