The other day, a recently divorced friend of mine announced on her Facebook page that she was the recipient of the worst pick up line of all times. Such a pity when you think about it. Half the single folks out there trying their hardest to get laid, the other half just trying to have a glass of Chardonnay and get on with it.
Yet betwixt and between, sometimes these two groups will meet. And in that space, if you keep your ears open, you’ll hear (or say?) some truly horrendous pickup lines.
Here are 10 of them:
In no particular order…
1. Are your feet tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all night long.
2. Girl, you must be a pirate with a booty like that. Wanna see my plank? Because I’m pretty sure I’m sporting wood right now.
3. Did you wash your pants with Windex? Because I can see myself in them.
4. What winks and fucks like a tiger? (followed by this)
5. Hi there. My name’s Earl, which you might wanna remember because I have a feeling you’re gonna be screaming it at the top of your lungs in about two hours.
6. A little regional flavor for all my in-state homeys: Are you from Tennessee? B/c you’re the only 10 I see.
7. You knew it was her blue dress ’cause it had a fresh wad of Bill’s on it. (Wait, sorry, that was a Monica Lewinski joke.)
8. The Gwyneth Paltrow pickup line: You’re a carpenter’s wet dream–flat as a board and easy to nail.
9. What’s got two thumbs and likes blow jobs? THIS GUY (while doing this):
10. And, finally, my personal favorite: Do you work for UPS? Because you look you’d do one hell of a job handling my package.
We’re just scratching the surface here, and this is meant to be a singalong. SO… tell me friends… what’s the worst line you’ve ever heard and or said? Hmmm?
About John Cave Osborne
Those go WAY beyond the old, “Hey, baby, I’m a Virgo…wanna help me change my sign?”
I always hated pickup lines. So happy not to be subjected to them for the past 15 years!
and i, my friend, am happy that i’ve not had to use them in nearly 6. on a side note, and something i meant to put into the post but didn’t — know what my pick-up line for C was? she kept randomly appearing wherever i was — at restaurants, sporting events and even was in my (then) business partner’s Bible study class. and i always had the hots for her. so i called her up and left a message that said: you keep popping up into my life so i’ve decided we should be friends and i won’t take no for an answer.
sadly, she didn’t call me back. well, at least initially. two days later, she finally returned the call and the rest, as they say, is history.
Twitter Name: johncaveosborne
Not so extreme, but a real one said to a friend of mine: “You’re so pretty, you won’t be on the shelf for long.”
*gag*
on the shelf. nice. you should have kicked him in the nuts.
Twitter Name: johncaveosborne
Are you a veterinarian? Cause these pythons are SICK! *busts double biceps*
Twitter Name: betadad
so very strong. (the pick up line)
Twitter Name: johncaveosborne
One line that irritates me is, “Have we met before?” Just so tacky and overused. I’ve gotten worse pick-up lines, but too vulgar to mention. One that actually worked on me was, “I’m attracted to you.” I liked it because it was simple, direct, and frank. no games, no hype, no exaggerations.
This is some solid advice (and entertaining, too.) Can anyone here recommend any books they’ve read about how to meet and attract women? I’m trying to soak up as much information as I can about this topic…