Cough, Cough, Cough

dr's office

This is my doctor’s office. I know, I know. I told Dr. Von Gingivitus she needs to freshen up the place a bit. A new coat of vomit yellow paint, a proper examining table (a mechanical bull is kitschy and cool but not terribly comfortable when someone is trying to take a peek at your [...]

5 Signs You’ve Hit the Multi-Tasking Ceiling

laundry

You stare at this basket. You don’t remember if you’re supposed to fold the contents or wash them. You resort to The Smell Test.

How to Choose Your Next WordPress Theme

blue-l

It’s a new year, and I’m betting a bunch of you are thinking of changing up the theme on your site! If not now, maybe later. There are a few things to consider when choosing a new theme, and if you think about these ahead of time, you’ll save yourself a headache later.

Making a Change

helping hand

Death is something that has always scared me. The thought of not existing anymore – of not being ME anymore -terrifies me. Sometimes at night I think about these things, and somehow my thought process usually ends up turning to things that I hope not lose in the afterlife. I think things like, “Man, I [...]

“From Hell’s Heart I Stab at Thee”: Whale-Watching With Toddlers

ahab's-daughter

Nothing can toughen up a couple toddlers like hunting down a sea-beast

The Awkward Invitiation

Best use of Photoshop to date. Thanks @aaronvest

My friend just invited me to her friend’s birthday party. I emphasize the her because this birthday woman isn’t really my friend. I have nothing against her; she seems quite lovely except for the fact that I have met her like five time and every single time she is not only pleased to meet me [...]

Morning Multiple Choice

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1. On a typical early weekday morning (defined as the time between 6:30 and 8 a.m.), you are most likely to find me: (a)    Stuffing my kids’ lunch boxes with Capri Suns and other pre-packaged items; (b)   Feeding the baby her bottle, letting the dog outside to poop and then forgetting he’s out there unattended [...]

Moxie Crimefighter and Me

moxie

My four-year old recently moved into a new classroom at school, and has been enjoying telling us stories about his new big boy and big girl classmates. He seems particularly attached to one friend he calls “Angry.” When he first mentioned her, I questioned the name–could it be Angie? Astrid? Anghard?? Or something else vaguely [...]

Problem Solving Using Third World Solutions

A family.  On a scooter. Definitely NOT in America.

We’re not supposed to call it “third world.” How about “where brown people come from?” Note: I’m brown, therefore when I say this, it is hilarious. If you’re not brown and want to repeat this, please find the nearest brown person and have them direct you through approval protocol. I can also use “third world” [...]

10 Horrendous Pickup Lines

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The other day, a recently divorced friend of mine announced on her Facebook page that she was the recipient of the worst pick up line of all times. Such a pity when you think about it. Half the single folks out there trying their hardest to get laid, the other half just trying to have [...]

Try it On for Size

Teenage years

For all the hard times and epic monumental drama that one has to endure in the teen years, there is one thing that is without a doubt awesome about being a teenager. Obviously, it’s not the bad skin and hormones, or the mean girl drama. It’s not the heartbreak that comes with boys or the [...]

10 Deals I Made With Myself This Last Week That Made Nominal Sense

cupcake

I find making deals with myself goes a long way to justify my life choices. It’s a good system for those of us who want to use our better deeds to justify things like ice cream and naps.