What to do in Las Vegas with Toddlers

I know I’m violating the “What happens in Vegas…” rule by even writing about my recent visit there, but since it was about as scandalous as a Romney family picnic, I think an exception can be made. I hadn’t been to Sin City in years, so it was sometimes jarring to catch sight of my reflection in a hotel lobby/casino (there are no just-plain-old-lobbies in Vegas hotels), and momentarily see a trace of a younger me, wearing one of those horrible striped dress shirts with the big collar, surrounded by similarly clad douchebags, guzzling complimentary cocktails and pushing piles of plastic chips around… but I’ve said too much about that already.

I went to Vegas this time, not for a bachelor party, or even to see overpriced stage shows; but rather for my nephew’s hockey tournament. Somehow, my extended family, which has not been able to assemble in full force for a Christmas or Thanksgiving feast in a good decade, was able to coalesce around this event without much notice or planning.

But in preparing to take our 2.5-year-old twins to Las Vegas, I had to rack my brain to think of anything that city had to offer that wouldn’t twist their little psyches in some way. I drew a blank. Try as I might, I couldn’t remember ever having seen small children there. Obsessive-compulsive grandmas chain-smoking while manhandling the slot machines, sure. Sweaty men in expensive, disheveled suits twitching like feral cats, of course. Dead-eyed hookers with crooked wigs and mirthless sequins–they were a dime a dozen. But frolicking toddlers? Where did they go?

Turns out I didn’t really need to worry about keeping them occupied during our three day stint in American Sodom, because just driving down the strip, walking through a hotel, or even looking out the window of our 24th floor room at the Stratosphere was almost more stimulation than they could process. In fact, like many adults, our kids were so pumped up by the sights and sounds that they had difficulty sleeping, and sometimes got a little crazy.

I wouldn’t recommend going out of your way to take your kids to Vegas; but I have to say that it was a pretty easy trip, so don’t discount the idea out of hand if you’re given the opportunity. We drove there, because it’s only five hours away, but there are always cheap flights and good deals on hotels. Buffets abound, which is great for little kids and easy on the budget.

For all my kids know, Vegas is Disneyland. The main differences are that Vegas is much cheaper and has slightly fewer costumed characters. And it’s more fun for the grownups. But I can’t talk about that part.

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