I have a former student who is now 22; let’s call her Karen. When she was in my 8th grade class years ago, she was something of a hellion. She was the type of student who seemed to do everything she possibly could to get under my skin. She had a quiet, passive-aggressive way about her. Dealing with her took every ounce of patience I had, and my reserves were wearing thin.
One day during my planning period, I pulled her aside and approached her disciplinary issues from a different angle. “Karen,” I began, “it seems like you’re trying to get my attention. You’re going about it the wrong way with these negative behaviors, but I want to let you know that I’m listening. If there’s something going on that you want to talk about, I’m here for you. If you don’t want to talk about it, write me a note and leave it on my desk.”
She didn’t say anything. She stared at me for five minutes, then asked for a pass to her next class. I gave it to her, and then she left without another word. But the next day at the end of her class period, I found that she’d left me a four-page letter about her difficulties at home. This was the start of a lasting, supportive relationship in which she confided in me and leaned on me for support.
Just last week, Karen came to my classroom after school. She handed me what was essentially her suicide note. “I just came to say goodbye…”
We talked for a while, and I could tell that she was serious. I managed to call 911 on the sly. I was too afraid of her running if she knew that I’d called for help. She was furious when the police and EMTs arrived to take her to the hospital, but I know I did the right thing.
If you suspect that a friend might be having self-destructive thoughts, talk to them about it. If it seems that he or she is in immediate danger of doing himself or herself harm, tell someone as soon as you can, and try not to leave them alone until help arrives. Do not be afraid of making your friend angry with you. Anger means that he or she is still alive, and that is always better than the alternative.
Take no chances if you think a friend may be suicidal. Here are a couple of helpful sites to find out more about the warning signs of suicide and what to do to help a friend:
- TeensHealth.org: My Friend is Talking About Suicide
- About.com Teen Advice: Suicide Risk Assessment–Measure your friend’s suicide risk
About JW Moxie
She’s lucky to know you, Mox. As are we all.
Twitter Name: GaytheistGospel
Thanks, Hellraisin.
Twitter Name: JWMoxie
You did the right thing Jdub. She may have come to you just for that reason.
Suicide = a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Twitter Name: littleanimation
I think she did come to me for that. I know that she was 100% serious about attempting suicide, but I know that she came to me because she wanted to be stopped by someone.
Twitter Name: JWMoxie
Thank you for this. I have a friend in Florida, I’m in Texas. We were on the phone one late night. She was one the beach alone. Talking about where her last words and notes to her children were and for me to make sure they get them. I was terrified when we lost connection. I didn’t get any answers when I tried calling her back. The only thing I knew to do was to call 911 for her location. They found her OK. But it snapped some sense in to her. Your friend called out to you such as mind did to me. They really needed us at that time and for whatever reasons only God knows. God chose US to be the person to listen and speak for Him. Continue to do great things. You are an inspiration for all.
Sincerely,
LeAnn
:)
Thank you so much for your kind words, LeAnn. If I’m going to be a tool, then THIS is the type of tool I’m glad to be.
How is your friend doing now, LeAnn?
Twitter Name: JWMoxie