He came to me in the cover of darkness. While everyone else slept he whispered, “What do you know? You’ve never even been kissed by a dog.”
I felt humiliated and mute as he leaned forward and kissed me, confident that he was stealing something from me.
But he was wrong. He couldn’t steal my first kiss because I had already been robbed.
That kiss had been taken by another man who had no business kissing a 10-year-old girl.
At the time, it didn’t seem like such a big deal. It was confusing and exciting. I thought that maybe it was just a part of growing up. But I was 10. Now that I’m four times that age, is seems like a Very. Big. Deal.
Men should not kiss 10-year-old girls. Not like that.
At 10 I didn’t know that I could say no. I mean, I knew I could say it; I just didn’t know how to open my mouth and say the word. NO. I was confused. It was so unbelievably confusing.
For years I thought it was my fault.
I have daughters now. Beautiful, precious daughters who I don’t want to be robbed of their first kisses. I want them to know how to say NO. I want them to know that they can come to me, that they can trust me even when they are confused. I want them to know that children are not to blame when adults fail them.
I want them to know that life is not always easy.
About UnknownMami
I love your writing when you’re funny. And when you’re not funny, I love your writing just as much.
Thank you for writing this.
Twitter Name: laliquin
Thank you, friend.
Twitter Name: Unknown Mami
This is such a difficult thing to talk about. I started talking to my kids about how their body belongs to them and NOBODY has the right to touch them. Even if it’s just their hair….if they don’t like it they need to speak up and tell that person no and tell me about it. Or tell dad, grandma, grandpa, school teachers, etc. . .What’s important is that they tell anyone or everyone they can.
I think it’s so important to talk about this with your children.
Twitter Name: Unknown Mami
Adults should never make a child feel uncomfortable…you were robbed of the trust you had in adults…
It was very brave for you to write this! I have two daugthers of my own 3 and 1 years old! I try at even this young age to tell them, that there bodies are theirs and they can tell mommy anything no matter what and that I won’t get upset but I wonder if at this young age do they really get it would they tell me if someone was hurting them! By the way I love your writing no matter if you funny or not!!!!
Thank you for your kind words.
Twitter Name: Unknown Mami
What can I say? Hugs. I feel terrible that you had to go through that. Love you, funny and unfunny.
Twitter Name: vidyasury
Looking back on growing up in the 70′s, there were so many inappropriate things happening—not by my parent or anything but by other “trusted” adults.
Overly long, tight hugs, tickling, come-sit-on-my-lap bullshit, jokes with wildly inappropriate double entendres, leering at 11 year old girls over the backyard fence while they swim…
UGH.
WTF is wrong with these adults (adult MEN) that they could ever think any of this kind of stuff is acceptable to do to a child?
Twitter Name: Izzymom
You’re right – this kind of behavior is never acceptable. But I would remind IzzyMom that it isn’t only MEN who do this sort of thing – a boy OR girl is just as likely to fall victim to a woman as they are a man – pedophilia, although seen as a “Male Trait” is actually something women are capable of, as well. It’s just not anything you really hear about – but it’s out there.
Twitter Name: lceel
True. Just referring to my own experiences.
Twitter Name: Izzymom
I suddenly feel like slapping the shit out of a grown up.
Twitter Name: classicnycgirl
Oh my sweet friend. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
That really was a very big deal, confusing and awful, wrong, and SO not your fault.
I know that you are going to give your daughters the voice that you never had, and the permission to stand up for themselves – and even more, that you do everything you can to protect them. You are a good mom, and an incredible woman.
Twitter Name: fromtracie
tragic unacceptable disgusting … Normal people don’t hurt innocence kids. I don’t want to leave a negative comment so I will look for the positive. The positive is your ability to share this dark event and know that you are able to move on and provide a loving life to your beautiful kids. thanks
Beautiful yet tragic words, Courageous message.I applaud you, lady!!!
<3 Love you Mami.
Amiga, this post hurt my heart to read. I am sorry that you had to go through any of this in your life. I am so glad that you have come out on top…a great wife and mother and brave women. You daughters are fortunate enough to have such a real model helping to guide their lives. Abrazos!
Twitter Name: JoscelynRC
My heart aches for 10 year old you. A brave post and hopefully one that reminds parents to talk to their young children – boys or girls – about their bodies, good touches, bad touches, and that “stranger danger” is actually not usually a stranger at all.
No it’s not funny, and I’m so sad it happened to you. You are brave for sharing your story.
Thank you for sharing this. Stories like these are so important for so many reasons, as much for you as for anyone reading. Hold on tight to those girls and share the wisdom you gained through what you had to suffer. I truly believe the more you share hard experiences, the less they hold on to your heart.
My dear. I wish I could reach that 10 year old you and hug her so tight and tell her that it wasn’t her job to say “no”. I love you and I love that little girl. I wish it hadn’t happened. But sans time machine, I can only say that I am so sorry.
Twitter Name: tracisstar
I’m so sorry. With me, it was my family doctor. I was about 12. I never told anyone until I was older and he was dead. I don’t know why.
I feel really honored that you shared your story. A mother’s job is to pass her wisdom and experiences on to her children to make their life better- your kids are in good hands.
Twitter Name: rdoak03
Mami,
thank you for your honesty and courage.
By writing this, you just allowed other women to know they are “”NOT ALONE.”"
Never alone.
Thank you.
Twitter Name: krrobi
Beautifully written for such a serious subject. It grabbed my heart immediately. We owe it to ourselves AND our daughters to keep the door open. Thank you.
WOW. Thanks for your courage and wisdom in sharing your story. Also, thanks for having compassion, not only with your own daughters, but with other “daughters” who might go through the same thing.
I feel blessed to “know” you.
((Abrazos))
Twitter Name: Laura Tellado
My stomach feels kinda sick thinking about this subject.
I struggled with how to teach my daughters when they were young, how to empower them without robbing them of their innocence.
Twitter Name: runningamucks
It must be liberating for you to write about this and let those demons out.
It’s hard to live thinking it’s your fault, and then we have girls and we realize how vulnerable and innocent they are and how it’s no way anything like this could be their fault. And we’re now cleansed and awake for them.
This was so brave. And it made my heart hurt. And made me want to punch someone. Thank you for sharing it — it matters that you did. A lot.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
Thank you for being brave and vulnerable and sharing your story. Your strength benefits others. And I (like many others) *love* your writing – funny or not. Hugs!
You are brave. I think it’s important that people talk about it more often b/c it can help those who have a harder time expressing themselves. It’s NOT okay for anyone to steal the innocence of a child. Thank you for giving a voice to those who feel less brave.
Excellent. ((HUGS))
We have to teach our young children to speak up. It is sad that it has to be done but they do deserve their first kiss.
In such few words, you said a lot. Very deep and emotional and braver than I could ever be. I hope your sharing is part of your healing and closure. Know he didn’t rob you of your being, spirit and that every kiss you have with your husband obscures the mess at 10. Big hugs.
Twitter Name: BrenHerrera
I’m sorry that happened to you and that it happens to girls all the time. Pisses me off, in fact.