10… No, 7 Things I’ve Lost with Mamihood

Three Second Rule? Maybe.

1. The perky boobs I paid for. I mean, really! I nursed for almost 16 months (in your face, people who told me I couldn’t do it!).  Now my nipples look a little sad, it’s like they’re looking down in shame now that they don’t have a job. We’ve looked in the classified ads but the boob jobs available aren’t to the girls’ liking

2. My ass. Let’s face it, its gone and while some of you might think its a good idea, I need the junk in my trunk to meet up with a hunk (cheesy I know but, see blog title and bite me)

3. Attention span. The ability to walk out of a room and hold the same thought that was in my head when I entered.

4. My need to eat warm food. Because there’s always an emergency when I’m eating OR the kid wants MY food even though I put the same damn thing on her plate!

5. Fear of licking food that’s just hit the floor. Let me confirm, the 3 second rule still applies in the 21st century right?

6. My patience. It’s funny because I have tons of patience for kids, it’s adults that get on my last nerve now (really, heifer? You’re gonna just act crazy like that in front of me? Come on, son!)

7. My shame.  Although one could make a good case that I didn’t have much of this prior to the birth of my child.  But how could any be left after some dry humored doctor fondled my placenta (like really! Did you know they touch it and make sure things are “okay”? What in the hell are they looking for? An alien?)

I would like to have offered up a top 10 list but, let’s face it, I’ve also lost my ability to count (so that’s #8), my need to complete tasks (#9) and my giving a damn (#10!).  Make up your own explanations as needed, fill in the blanks as appropriate and remember item #10!

What did you lose after popping out a kid?

About the Writer

When not pretending she’s a freelance writer to her family and friends, Sili is busy rearing and shaping her 2 year old frog princess into a natural born leader (read: she’s bossy and she gets it from her mama).  Sili wants world peace and a good glass of wine. And, whatever those two things might lead to. Read more of Sili’s writing on her blog My Mamihood

About Guest Writer

Would you like to be a guest writer at Aiming Low? We offer keys to the Cool Kids Club and empty promises of fame and fortune. Find out how to get your hands on all that here.

Comments

  1. Let’s all bow our heads for a moment of silence to honor all the perky bosoms that have been claimed by breastfeeding. Amen.

  2. mamatomy3 says:

    My privacy..and I miss it the most!

    • Sili says:

      Yes! Thanks for reminding me! The other day the kid wasn’t here and I was in the bathroom pooping and had the best time ever because no one was staring at me or asking me for lollypops! Ah, it’s the little things! ;-)

      Twitter Name:

  3. I have four wee ones that I have popped out. So, from a “professional” – you nailed it! Great post!

  4. Deebi27 says:

    This was absolutely priceless! I loved it and this couldn’t have been more on target if you had really tried! I nursed 1 year and then 18 months (would have been longer, but I was having wisdom teeth taken out!!!!) All I have left are a pair of ski slopes!
    I am saving this post to share with those who think they know everything and those who really know everything!!! Thanks

    Twitter Name:

  5. Janey says:

    My sanity :)

  6. Robin says:

    My own list would add; lost sleep; lost my mostly flat belly; lost the will to clean the house (tidying is plenty); lost any free time; lost the ability to have a complete uninterrupted conversation; i’m sure there’s more but I’ve also lost my train of thought.

    Twitter Name:

  7. Savira says:

    I so enjoyed reading this post… brought back memories… I think all of the above was me as well!

  8. Megan says:

    They should really tell you not to pay for the boobs until after the babies. It’s a restoration, really. You probably could even get insurance to pay for it as reconstruction.

    It’s really hard to shy after having mulititudes of others rooting around various body parts south of your bellybutton (I had a C-section, so they were rummaging around INSIDE my abdominal cavity). Also, my ability to whine about pain has totally left me. Stand up the morning after being fileted like a fish and you’ll see what I mean.

    Twitter Name:

    • Sili says:

      Okay, I just got a little icky, yucky, nauseous, “oh my God someone’s hand is moving my intestines” feeling when I read that. Yes, I imagine the perspective changes. And filleted? Very on point.

      And I agree on the boob thing. I had endometriosis and was treated with hormones which basically threw my body into menopause. Tons of side effects but my body thought that “decrease breast tissue” sounded fun even though I didn’t have much to begin with…lol Long story short of why I got them ;-). Hmmm, wonder if I show the insurance company your comment, they’d consider paying? :-)

      Twitter Name:

  9. Nia/Chic Working Mom says:

    Great post! I couldn’t agree more especially on the forgetfulness and patience. If its not written down forget about it happening. Lol I have less patience for most living things these days too (child aside).

  10. Andy says:

    Hello.
    I’m not a parent, so I guess none of the above applies to me. LOL…I just like reading about other people’s business!
    Enjoyable post.
    Thanks for sharing.

    Thoughts Of Beauty In The Stillness Of Dawn

  11. LOL! I’m still laughing, Sili – hilarious and honest post here.
    Ironically, I actually HAD boobs when I was nursing; when I stopped, they shrunk back to, um, what are those bumps?
    Just love your humor. Keep it coming!
    Blessings!

    • catherine says:

      HA. Same here– when I was nursing (pumping actually since he never latched), I was all like “wow, so this is what I would look like with boobs”, and now I’m back to the itty bitty titty club.

    • Sili says:

      It’s ironic, isn’t it? I looked like Betty Boop when I first had her. Now I’m wondering where all that vavavoom went?! Ah, the joys of milking! lol

      oxoxox

      Twitter Name:

  12. Deebi27 says:

    I have loved reading through all these posts AGAIN. Thanks for the smiles from this post. It has been so much fun to remember those many thought and moments from 31 & 36 years ago. I loved every moment of breastfeeding and would do all over again if the need was there…sadly it’s not!

    Twitter Name:

  13. ZR says:

    I lost the feeling I lacked a purpose… All the other lost elements, and points mentioned in this article, I can live with thanks to every moment spent raising and guiding my daughter to the best of my ability. (I wouldn’t mind getting my flat belly back eventually though…)

Trackbacks

  1. [...] am being featured on Aiming Low.  I mean really, is that not just perfect?!  There, I write about all the things I lost with mamihood.  Well, let’s face it, not all because who remembers everything, [...]

Speak Your Mind

*