1. The perky boobs I paid for. I mean, really! I nursed for almost 16 months (in your face, people who told me I couldn’t do it!). Now my nipples look a little sad, it’s like they’re looking down in shame now that they don’t have a job. We’ve looked in the classified ads but the boob jobs available aren’t to the girls’ liking
2. My ass. Let’s face it, its gone and while some of you might think its a good idea, I need the junk in my trunk to meet up with a hunk (cheesy I know but, see blog title and bite me)
3. Attention span. The ability to walk out of a room and hold the same thought that was in my head when I entered.
4. My need to eat warm food. Because there’s always an emergency when I’m eating OR the kid wants MY food even though I put the same damn thing on her plate!
5. Fear of licking food that’s just hit the floor. Let me confirm, the 3 second rule still applies in the 21st century right?
6. My patience. It’s funny because I have tons of patience for kids, it’s adults that get on my last nerve now (really, heifer? You’re gonna just act crazy like that in front of me? Come on, son!)
7. My shame. Although one could make a good case that I didn’t have much of this prior to the birth of my child. But how could any be left after some dry humored doctor fondled my placenta (like really! Did you know they touch it and make sure things are “okay”? What in the hell are they looking for? An alien?)
I would like to have offered up a top 10 list but, let’s face it, I’ve also lost my ability to count (so that’s #8), my need to complete tasks (#9) and my giving a damn (#10!). Make up your own explanations as needed, fill in the blanks as appropriate and remember item #10!
What did you lose after popping out a kid?
About the Writer
When not pretending she’s a freelance writer to her family and friends, Sili is busy rearing and shaping her 2 year old frog princess into a natural born leader (read: she’s bossy and she gets it from her mama). Sili wants world peace and a good glass of wine. And, whatever those two things might lead to. Read more of Sili’s writing on her blog My Mamihood