3 Things I Learned About Relationships from Martin Luther King Jr.

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day in the United States, a day when we remember the life, work, and death of one of our country’s most well-known civil rights leaders. We’ll hear and read a lot about civil liberties and equality today, but after a recent visit to the Civil Rights Museum in Memphis, TN, housed in the old hotel where King was assassinated in 1968, I find myself thinking about what King can teach me about relationships.

Listen first.

One of the reasons King and his colleagues successfully advanced their cause was that they listened when people talked about their problems. They didn’t tell the public what they should be fighting for; they supported what people said was important to them. For example, King went to Memphis in 1968 to support black sanitation workers who felt they were being treated unfairly. The workers had begun to organize a strike and protest long before King came to town.

In my marriage, I often find myself telling my husband what he needs–and then trying to help. Of course, that rarely turns out well. We get along much better when I make an effort to listen first and offer my help only when he asks.

How you speak matters as much as what you say.

When I visited the Civil Rights Museum, I learned that King was one of many civil rights leaders at the time, but few were as talented a speaker as the charismatic preacher. Why is he still considered the face of the Civil Rights Movement? Because how we communicate is just as important as the message itself.

I am reminded of this when surfing Twitter and Facebook. People who are insulting and rude sometimes have valid points, but their message gets lost because no one can hear past the nastiness. I’ll often see the same message better received later, simply because it was delivered in a nicer, more thoughtful way.

Think about others.

No one wants to listen to a selfish jerk, basically, but we are motivated and inspired when we believe someone is thinking beyond their own best interests. Ironically, what this means is that the best way to get someone else to do what you want is to think about the other person’s wants or needs. This works in big groups, with parents, and especially with husbands. (I imagine it works with girlfriends and wives, too, but I’ve never had either.)

I’m  not looking to have a monument erected in my honor, but I do like the idea of inspiring people around me. I think my relationships with those closest to me are a good place to start.

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