Who Needs a Diary When There’s Google Search History?

Looking up your Google search history is super fun.

This is one of those things that I didn’t know existed because it was off my radar. Much like, are Cool Ranch Doritos kosher? No idea. But. I will after I google it.

::Hold please::

Okay.  Apparently, there’s a debate or something. Something about enzymes being emulsified and does an enzyme count as part of an animal, etc. Fascinating.

On Google Search History, you can both view a history of stuff you’ve googled, and how many times you’ve googled.

Check this out:

I once had a very cool life. You have to believe me. Please.

.

I googled 1,789 things last month.

Googling is the adult version of “Mommy, why is the sky blue?” This means that if Google is my “mommy,” then I am the most annoying child on the planet. On November 18th, I googled over 41 times. I may have googled more than 41 times, but Google stopped counting because November 18th was a Friday night and Google has a life.

It was like, “Maan, she’s already at 41... I’m going to get beers because this is lame.”

What are the burning questions that prompt over 1,700 googles in a month?!

Google was kind enough to offer these answers.

I looked at November 18, and it was pretty tame.  I was looking everywhere that day for headscarves that wouldn’t scare people like Herman Cain, so I was technically “shopping.” Side note: my headscarves are still deemed scary.

But.

Let’s take a look at searches that I did on a day in October:

A few things we can assume from these searches, the least surprising of which is that I can’t seem to quit the Internet for more than three hours:

1. James Dean. I bet he never Googled anything on Friday nights.

2. How to Become Famous on the Internet. Well. This is just embarrassing.

3. Jim Morrison. I wish I could say this was a guy that owes me money and, duh, it’s not that Jim Morrison, but, um, yeah. Googled Jim Morrison.

4. What does a sociologist do? South Asian parents have to start formulating objections early to career paths that don’t involve medical, law or engineering school or our heads will explode. I ask you, who wants to clean up all that math?

5. Shower. James Dean and Jim Morrison. Come on, we’re all grown ups here.

In summary, on October 1, 2011, I was a social climber obsessed with young, dead white men with “reputations,” was unsure of what sociologists do and needed forgotten data regarding showers.

Or.

I was writing this thing.

The Jim Morrison thing was totally random. As anything Morrison related should be.

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About Faiqa Khan

Mother of two, wife of one, master of none. Trying madly to be prolific on her personal blog at Native Born and proving beyond a reasonable doubt that she's not a racist on Hey! That's My Hummus!

Comments

  1. Amber says:

    Wow I love GOOGLE but yet I had no clue you could do this. I feel like I’ve been living in a cave now…. ;)

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  2. Alexandra says:

    I had no google search life other than the occassional 5th grade math question, until I began writing online.

    Then, the hounds of hell were unleashed with such tidbits as “what do moms do about big butts” and “why do women cut their hair off after they get married.”

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  3. I also had no idea you could do this. Wow. I’m a little bit afraid, though. Like that day I was wondering how to trim nose hair without plucking. Um… did I just think that out loud?

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