Santa’s Top 5 Pickup Lines

December 19, 2011
by • 4 Comments

Ever wonder why Santa’s so jolly? I hear it’s because he’s money with the ladies. I know what you’re thinking: Mrs. Claus. Even so, the rumors persist. (Plus, I hear she’s got an elf fetish.) And I, personally, think that there’s something to them.

Life on the road’s gotta get kinda lonely. All the mall visits, party appearances, and chimney dives must take their toll. And it’s at that point, I’d imagine, when Santa decides to spread a little, um, Christmas cheer by chatting up a few of the naughties.

And here are the five pickup lines that have brought him the most, um, white Christmases.

Wanna see my stocking stuffer?

Wanna see my stocking stuffer?
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Picture 1 of 5

Word on the street is that St. Nick's packin' heat and is easily able to stuff any stocking. Even this one. Photo Credit

 

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About John Cave Osborne

John Cave Osborne went from carefree bachelor to father of four in just 13 months thanks to marrying a single mom then quickly conceiving triplets. John and his wife, Caroline, recently welcomed their fifth child into the world, a little boy they named Grand Finale Osborne. He'd tell you more about it, but he's on the phone right now scheduling his vasectomy. You can keep up with John on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube as well as on his personal blog which he calls (get this) John Cave Osborne.

Comments

  1. Debra says:
    December 19, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    How about “Won’t you ride my sleigh tonight? You know the “other” sleigh!”

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  2. Peryl says:
    December 20, 2011 at 4:03 am

    I’m just fixated on how much the massive tattoo on the side of her ribs must have hurt!

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  3. john cave osborne says:
    December 20, 2011 at 8:51 am

    yes, peryl. that’s the first thing that crossed my mind when seeing that photo. (ha)

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