The other day I was at the dentist with my husband. He has nice teeth and a hella sexy smile, but they are a little crooked on the bottom. At the end of the visit, the dentist recommended that my husband get Invisalign.
“What’s Invisalign?” I asked.
“Oh,” he said. “You know. It’s like this revolutionary new invisible orthodontic treatment so you don’t have to go around with half a hardware store in your mouth in order to straighten out your teeth.”
“Say what?” I said. I had no idea such a product even existed. And considering my upbringing, it’s kinda hard to imagine childhood without the ritual humiliation and torture that is braces.
As a kid, I must have had a seriously snaggletoothed mouth because I began getting treatment at the tender age of seven. Not only did I suffer through several retainers, two palette expanders and three years of braces, but I was also required to wear (shudder) headgear.
The braces were embarrassing enough on their own, of course, considering the fact that I somehow never managed to eat without getting an entire head of broccoli stuck in my front teeth. Not to mention the time that one of my rubber bands broke while I was on a date, flew up and smacked the guy in the eyeball. (Um… yeah. He didn’t ask me out again.)
But the head gear was in a class of its own.
Unfortunately, I was unable to find an exact replica of the hideous device online but it looked like a cross between these two below with belts that encircled my head, a large metal wire connecting to my teeth and some kind of weird cup thing on my chin which my dad decided to call “The Jock Strap.”
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
It was obviously some kind of medieval torture device that did nothing more than solidify my position as Lead Nerd in Junior High.
What made it worse was the fact that everyone in my family fancies themselves a regular comedian and I was the butt of all their routines. I might be quietly pretending to be a normal teenager, just doing my homework in my bedroom when my dad would walk in and say, “If you’re going to wear a jock strap on your face, you should probably go out for football or something. Just to make it worth it, you know what I’m saying?”
Or my sister would say, “Do you think you should contact the aliens on Planet Voltron and let them know that you’re coming in for a landing soon? You wouldn’t want to surprise them cuz that’s kinda rude and stuff.”
Gratefully, by the time I was in high school, I was completely finished with my painful foray into ritual orthodontic humiliation and had perfect white teeth. And now, whenever anyone compliments me on my pretty teeth, I just smile and say, “Damn straight.”
This post is part of a sponsored post series between Aiming Low and Invisalign. While the content is sponsored, the opinions belong to the writers. For more information about Invisalign, please visit www.Invisalign.com or Facebook.com/Invisalign
About Naomi De La Torre
I highly doubt you were the Lead Nerd, Naomi. :)
I remember when Invisalign was first released–when I was in HS. I imagined myself wearing it because my teeth definitely need some fixing. Maybe that will be my b-day gift this year. HA!
Twitter Name: Amber_MtMC
Exhibit B scares me. What is going on there?
I had braces for three horrible years and thankfully escaped the nee for headgear, despite my horribly jacked up overbite and a space I could stick my thumb through between my two front teeth. I swear to this day that the day I got the braces off in the eigth grade was the most beautiful day of my life. It’s all been downhill since then.
You should recommend your husband get the old school teeth straightening for the character strengthening it does! :)
Twitter Name: themommytherapy
I didn’t have a headgear that connected to my teeth, but I did have to wear this chin cup thing. My lower jaw was growing faster than my upper jaw, and to avoid me becoming a Cro-Magnon I had to wear the thing every night for a couple years. The good news is that my jaw does not jut out at the bottom. The bad news is that my jaw clicks out of alignment if I open my mouth too wide.
Twitter Name: MamaKaren
My son has a chin-strap thingie. It makes him looks like he’s ready to go into the wrestling ring.
I suffered through traditional braces with a headgear and assorted rubber bands (try right across the front of my teeth!), but it was oh-so-worth-it. But if they’d had Invisalign then I’d have been thrilled.
Twitter Name: msmegan
Oh my…I thought that was just in the movies. I actually had 2 very crooked front teeth but my parents couldn’t afford braces. We skipped them. Shortly after I got married my dentist found I needed a root canal and fixed my crookeds with caps…I think my crooked teeth were less painful than your headgear. Sadly, I’ve got one that I’m pretty sure is going to need some braces and #2′s teeth are just falling out and I’m hoping they come in nice and straight!
Twitter Name: HeatherSchiavo