According to the book, The Five Love Languages, every person has one of five primary love languages that causes them to feel loved. Marriages get difficult, the author suggests, because people don’t speak each other’s love languages.
The five languages are: touch, affirmation, giving, service and time. It seems like everyone needs those things to a certain degree, but principle is that everyone has a primary language – only one to which they are most responsive.
Mine is “acts of service.” When my husband brings me a cup of tea, straightens up the kitchen or washes my car, I feel loved.
I’m terribly brilliant, so I identified Tariq’s love language one paragraph into the second chapter. It’s “quality time.” And then I was like, damn, quaaaality tiiiiime?
Still, my husband is important to me, and I want him to feel loved. Hence, I have begun to spend “quality time” with him. Fellow Internet people, you understand how big of a deal this is. It means I have to put away my laptop, smartphone, or iPad and pay attention to my husband.
OhMYGaaaawd, love is so lame-o.
Monday night, I suggested we play Scrabble. Not the computer one, the actual one with tiles. Interestingly, Mr. Left Brain decimated me. Side note: Scrabble has nothing to do with language. It’s about “double word scores.” Lesson learned.
Tuesday night, I sat next to him on the couch and said, “I was wondering, what makes you feel loved?”
He looked at me like I had lost my mind. Sometimes, being this evolved feels super hard because nobody understands you.
“When you spend time with me and I feel like you want to be here.”
Internal dialogue: HOLY HELL, NOW I HAVE TO NOT ONLY SPEND TIME WITH YOU, BUT I HAVE TO WANT TO DO IT?
Being evolved IS super hard, but I said, “Okay, helping you feel loved is important to me, so I’m going to do that.”
“I’m afraid.”
“What?”
“I am afraid.”
“Why??”
“Because we’ve been here before and it never ends well.”
“Explain.”
“You’ve obviously read some book. A book that I will most likely not read. Despite knowing I haven’t read the book, you’re going to expect me to ask you ‘what makes you feel loved’ which I will do. But I’m not going to know what the answer means.” He turned and looked me in the eyes, “The answer will most likely be ‘when you do the dishes’ and then three days later you’re going to freak out because ‘this isn’t about doing the dishes‘, but that you want me to want to do the dishes or something equally confusing. So. YEAH.I’M.SCARED.”
“Well. Read the book”
“Okay, I will.”
He still hasn’t read the book.
The dishes are done, though.
So, at least, there’s that.
About Faiqa Khan
Hey, as long as the dishes are done, it’s still a win, right?
Twitter Name: thepsychobabble
Psychobabble, I was about to say ALMOST the very same thing. Nine was going to be, “Hey the dishes are done. What more can you ask for?”
Twitter Name: HeatherSchiavo
I’ve heard of that book and have read several summaries of the love languages in various articles and blog posts. I’ve always wanted to read it, just to see if it validates what I think I already know about my husband and the way we communicate our love for each other.
Any love language that results in the dishes getting washed without me being the one to bust those suds is good for me.
Twitter Name: JWMoxie
ah, our friend Dr. Gary Chapman strikes again.
Twitter Name: johncaveosborne