Plenty of room.
If you’re looking for cheap entertainment, drive to your nearest Walmart, park, set out a lawn chair and a cooler, plop yourself into a seat with a cold one, and enjoy.
It’s truly tailgating at its finest. If you forget buns for the brats, BOOM! They’re right inside. No trip back to the store; you’re already there.
Although you won’t want to risk going inside. If you do, you might miss something.
The story lines played out in an average parking lot span the entire gamut of human emotions—happiness, fear, anger, sadness, disgust, humor, jealousy, confusion, indigestion – and that’s just at the cart return rack.
As far as spectator sports go, parking is tough to beat.
One major group of players observed in all parking lots is Holy Grail-ers.
These people are all about limiting their exposure to physical exertion and fresh air. Ideally they’d prefer to park inside the store, but since that option’s not available (at least to most competent drivers), they’ll settle for nothing less than one of those five spots closest to the front doors that about a hundred others Holy Grail-ers are searching for, regardless of how many times they have to circle the lot waiting for it.
Of course, any one of these parkers could have been in and out already if they’d taken that spot 30 feet further from the front entrance, but that just wouldn’t do. No, they’ll continue to circle, leave to go get gas, maybe hit a fast food drive-up, then come back and continue their quest.
Truly, Kim and Kris were married for a shorter duration of time than it takes some Holy Grail-ers to find that ever-elusive close space.
Even more entertaining are the Holy Grail-ers at our local YMCA’s parking lot. Here you can actually witness individuals impatiently waiting for a front row spot who eventually park, then exit their vehicles in full workout apparel to go exercise.
As long as this spot's close, it's worth swimming for.
The whole thing’s rife with irony. And humor.
Also humorous is messing with Holy Grail-ers. It’s easy. Come out of a store, fumble around with keys and packages before entering your vehicle, sit for about five minutes, start your car, put your foot on the brake and shift to reverse, pause, shift back to park, turn off your vehicle, then get out of your car and go back into the store like you forgot something.
It’s amazing how gratifying it is to crush another person’s dream.
Next time we’ll examine Shopping Cart Abandoners, total jackholes of the parking lot universe.
Until then, happy tailgating.
About Chase McFadden
YEahhhhh. That’s kinda me. I consider it a challenge and I take it very seriously. I keep track of my parking stats and everything. Also, I don’t mind the people who forget or “forget” something as much as I mind the people with tiny cars who fool you into thinking there’s a space when really, there’s just a tiny car.
Twitter Name: ladyjess78
I don’t mind the circling folks, but when I come out of a store and someone in a car follows me veery slooowly in hope of waiting for my space, I put my things in the car and go back inside just to mess with them.
I, too, am greatly amused by the folks who stalk a close-in space at the gym. I was in traffic court with someone who chose park in a handicapped space to run back inside to get his wallet that he’s left behind, since the close in spots were full. The judge had a field day with that one.
Twitter Name: MamaKaren
Let me guess – you were inspired to write this post while sitting in the parking lot with the kids while KAW ran in to pick up a few things. Doc gets stuck with that job all the time, too. I’d rather poke myself in the eye than drag all the kids into Walmart.