Yes, my friends, it’s Christmas Eve Eve Eve and I’d like to share one of my family’s traditions/maladies with you.
It’s called “premature eGiftulation”. 
For as long as I can remember, my family’s holiday gift exchange has started on Christmas Eve Eve Eve and possibly even Christmas Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve. I would come home from college around December 17th and my mother would hand me a gift with a “Here. It’s almost Christmas, anyway.” Then we would end up opening a few gifts every day until Christmas, when we would open, basically, nothing. Because there was basically nothing left.
How did this preSantaism begin? Surely there was a time when we waited for the Fat Man to make his delivery in that sweet spot between as-late-as-possible-bedtime on December 24 and crack-of-dawn on December 25. Surely we didn’t ask for preferential treatment, demanding our toys on Thanksgiving and forcing the Dude in Red to make a special trip with a miniature sleigh and eight tiny turkeys.
Or did we?
I seem to recall a long-ago Christmas Eve, around dinnertime, when my mother suddenly exclaimed in a loud voice “Hey! Let’s all go for a walk around the block!” My sister and I looked out the window, dumbfounded, at the 30 degree Chicago weather while all the relatives gamely put on their coats. We took that frigid walk around the block and when we returned, WHAT? Santa had come and left our gifts?! What a stunning coincidence!
Of course we found out later that we were leaving early in the morning to go have Christmas at Aunt Geraldine’s house, which accounts for the premature Santal Visitation, but what did it matter, really? We only moved Christmas up by 8 to 10 hours. What harm could that do?
A great deal, apparently.
We seemed to have set in motion some strange Benjamin Buttonish backwards movement of time, because from there on out, every year the Christmas gifting started earlier. It wasn’t long before we were living out The Twelve Days of You Know What in spades, except our true love didn’t give us a partridge in a pear tree on December 13th, she gave us a Nintendo and warm socks.
If it sounds like I’m blaming my mother for all this, well… I was the one, after all, who expertly unwrapped and rewrapped gifts I found hidden in her closet. In, like, October. However, in my defense, I will now offer Exhibit A, a photograph of a package that I received from said mother while I was writing this article. Observe the gift tag.
You’ll notice that it’s from “Gramma” to my daughter, and that over the “Open Me Dec. 25″, she’s written “NOW”.
I rest my case.
About Dusty
Awww, she’s excited! Christmas should be celebrated all month long. If you hype it all up to the BIG DAY, there’s a real let-down on 12/26. That’s one reason you should eat Christmas cookies all month long, too. I have been letting my kids open a gift here and there (like a package that arrived in the mail from friends yesterday)…it keeps their momentum going. But no way is Santa is coming before Sunday morning…and no way is anyone waking me before 7am….that’s the RULE.
Twitter Name: HeatherSchiavo
My mother would love you, Heather.
The word “present” means “gift”, “here”, and “now.” Why, those things are practically DEMANDING you open them!!!
Twitter Name: GaytheistGospel
That’s an interesting slant, Hellraisin, but I would expect nothing less from you.
Yeah, those things are totally asking for it. Have at it, my dear, and Merry Christmas!
Twitter Name: GaytheistGospel
Merry Christmas and thanks for all the laughs, H. :-)
The poor thing just can’t wait to give.
What a dear spirit she is.
xo
Twitter Name: gdrpempress
She does love gifting, the darling. xxoo