I am pretty comfortable with my body when I am fully clothed.
You won’t catch me wearing shorts ever and I am in tears each time I try to shop for swim wear.
I am so self-conscious in a swim suit.
I can rock out the dresses, the red lipstick and the crazy big flowers in my hair, but put me in a swimsuit and I feel like I am going to die.
This summer was so unbelievably hot and sticky in northern Ohio, so I did something I hadn’t done in a long time. I bought a swim suit.
One evening, we went over to my best friend’s house and swimming in their pool was on the agenda. As the time drew nearer I became more and more uncomfortable with the idea, thinking that maybe I should feign some sort of illness to get out of stripping down to near nakedness.
You see, my best friend and I are very similar looking, except for one thing; our weight.
At 5′ 10″ most days I hover around 175-180 pounds. No matter what I do or don’t do, the number pretty much always stays in the same range. I dress for my body type and highlight the features that I know are my best. My height is my friend, as well as belts, layers and lots of other tricks. My best friend, at 5′ 11″ hovers around 135 pounds. I look at her and see the body that I know I will never have. She looks cute in just about anything she puts on and if I didn’t feel so comfortable with my clothed body, it probably would be a roadblock to our friendship.
So, swim time was upon us and I blurted out something about how I didn’t want her to judge me because I had rolls where she didn’t. My thighs are too big, my stomach is too flabby, and my boobs aren’t as perky as they once were.
She sighs and looks at me and tells me that maybe some people are jealous of my womanly curves. How some woman would kill for the hips and thighs and boobs that they don’t have. How I wasn’t pointy or sharp and how comfortable it probably was for my babes to cuddle up next to me.
I never thought that someone in a size 6 would see my size 14 body as something of beauty. While I might not be parading around in a swimsuit anytime soon, I will be happy with my curves because I am pretty sure they are always going to be here.
About Heather Durdil
Heather, thank you for this. You and I are built almost the same, from what I can tell by this article – I’ve got all of an inch on you, and about the same weight. And it has taken many years to embrace the body that I naturally have. And yes, babies do love to cuddle up in my lap and rest their warm little bodies against mine. Not-so-perky boobs and all.
I am also thankful for a boyfriend that loves me just the way I am. He loves every curve on my body, and tells me so.
Twitter Name: deviousmuse
Darcey,You are very welcome. I admit for years I had a hard time with my body, but the past couple of years I embrace it, just not in a swimsuit.
So happy that you have a wonderful boyfriend. He sounds like a keeper.
Twitter Name: DExtraordinaire
When I had a 24-inch waist, I was self-conscious about my body because I was flat-chested. Now I have boobs and want my 24-inch waist back.
The hardest thing in this culture is to be happy with the body you’ve got.
Twitter Name: msmegan
Megan, I totally agree.
Twitter Name: DExtraordinaire
What a kickass friend, and what a great post.
@Megan, you nailed it. It’s always about what we don’t have, and all the energy we spend trying to change ourselves is better spent learning to love what we are working with.
Twitter Name: julieinthelou
Julie, thanks. I love my best friend and I am so glad that our views of each other’s bodies don’t keep us apart.
Twitter Name: DExtraordinaire
My mom was always…. “smooshy.” I was the eldest of her 4 kids, and she worked hard to get back down to her regular size after each child, until the 4th one. I remember preferring her to have a ‘snugglier’ body, and not liking it when she got all skinny again. Now, obviously I want her to feel good about herself, and to be healthy. But now that she’s a grandma, I love that my daughter finds her as comfy and snuggly as I did!
In fact, while I’m in no way at my ‘ideal’ weight (and haven’t been for 15 years!) I’ve been within 10-20 pounds. My daughter gets mad at night when Daddy’s out late and she has to snuggle with me instead. “NO! I want the SMOOSHIER arm! Your arm is too POKEY!” She’s mad that my upper arm isn’t as meaty as his! :)
Twitter Name: bitingmyhand
Thank you so much for sharing and stopping by and reading. I am lol’ing at your daughter.
Twitter Name: DExtraordinaire
I still have my moments of crazy self-consciousness when I get around the skinny babes at the beach and elsewhere but then I look around and really, it takes ALL kinds of bodies to make the world go ’round. There’s always someone taller, shorter, fatter, skinnier, perkier-boobed, droopier-boobed, fuller/thinner-lipped….and we’re all so much MORE than our looks. There are just some things that life is too short to worry about and if my short, chubby self is having fun with my kids at the beach, I’m just not going to worry it. Put on your swimsuit and have fun!
Twitter Name: HeatherSchiavo
I love this article :) I’m finding myself a bit more smooshier than I have been in the past. Overall I don’t care except it’s so hard to find jeans to go over my curvy thighs and hips. I have seriously had jeans that wouldn’t go over my “large” kneecaps! Can’t someone just start making clothes for all of us? Please???