When our first baby was born, the stars twinkled and all the flowers bloomed. It was spring and we were blown away.
The infant girl was perfect. I dressed her up in old fashioned baby clothes, kinda vintage, with lace dresses and Victorian bonnets. She never cried, except when she wanted my milk. I used to joke that “sleeping like a baby” actually meant “waking up every two hours”. Ha ha ha.
After two months of Sleepus Interruptus, reality kicked in; holy fark – life as we knew it was OVER.
We were living in London at the time, and it happened that we went down to Penzance in Cornwall to visit my mother-in-law. One evening, The Huz suggested we go out to the pub and have a civilized pint. I wanted to go …but I couldn’t leave my baby alone with anyone, not even my MIL. I just wasn’t ready yet. So we decided to see if the pub would let us in with our baby.
Out we went with our tiny daughter in her pram. She’d just been fed so she was quietly blissed out.
We walked along until we came to a really nice old pub called The Admiral Benbow. And in we went with the pram. The barman marched right up to us and said we couldn’t come into the pub with a baby. The Huz looked him right in the eye and said,
“That’s not a baby. That’s a doll.”
The two men stared at one another.
The Huz raised one of his eye brows.
The barman glanced down at the pram.
What he saw was a Victorian bonnet with tiny silken eyelashes resting on a pink porcelain cheek, perfect rosebud lips mutely dream-sucking, and an impossibly dimpled hand on the lace blanket.
He looked back up at me, my mother-in-law and The Huz and said,
“What a beautiful doll. Please have a seat.”
About The Animated Woman
HAHA! Just stumbled across this! Loved it, as usual! JC you are sooo talented!
Jennheffer – this is your lucky day!
Twitter Name: littleanimation
OMG. You tell the best stories. This is the cutest EVER!!!!!
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
Ya. And it should be disturbing how I never have to make this stuff up.
Twitter Name: littleanimation
Hee hee. Excellent.
Twitter Name: msmegan
My husband’s braid is also in a drawer. Well actually, a box.
We have also brought our baby into a pub.
My good story from that is a totally different sort of one, though.
Yours? WIN.
Twitter Name: FroggyPrinceMom
Those braids are fascinating and slightly creepy. We even have one from The Huz’s great granny. It’s all in a drawer labeled “The Family Hair”.
Twitter Name: littleanimation
Hilarious! Love the illustrations, they’re brilliant. Yikes. I have little sachets of “family hair” too :P
Twitter Name: vidyasury
You too huh? I wonder if the Royal family has family hair. They could call it the Hair to the Throne. < << see whut I done thar!
Twitter Name: littleanimation