Brothers and Sisters, today we gather together to commemorate the life and death of Ernie the Parakeet.
Purchased from the local Petsmart, Ernie quickly became a treasured member of the family.
The Boy especially loved Ernie, and, oh, how Ernie loved living in his cage by the TV.
Until one sad morning.
Mommy was asleep when The Boy whispered in her ear, “Ernie is seeping.”
Mommy mumbled back a thoughtful, “mmm hmmm” while attempting to roll over and ignore The Boy.
But The Boy persisted.
“Mommy, Ernie is seeping on the bottom of his cage.”
Instantly, Mommy’s eyes flew wide open. Ernie sleeping on the bottom of his cage could mean only one thing.
Mommy leaped up and sprinted to the cage.
And there was Ernie lying feet up, dead as a doornail.
Already rigamortisized, Mommy silently thought to herself, “When was the last time I fed that damned bird?”
But there wasn’t any time for ruminating and regrets. The Girl had woken up and wandered over to The Cage to see what was going on.
The Boy said, “See, Mommy? Ernie is seeping.”
Mommy felt very sad. It is one thing for a cheap little parakeet from Petsmart to kick the bucket, but quite another thing to watch your children face death for the very first time.
Mommy wished Daddy was home to share this special moment, but Daddy wasn’t. Mommy was going to tell them all by herself.
So Mommy pulled her children in close and said in her saddest voice, “Ernie isn’t sleeping; Ernie is dead.”
“What?”
“Ernie is dead. He’s in heaven with God.” (Because what the hell else are you going to say?)
Within moments, Mommy had two sobbing children on her lap and a dead bird to deal with.
Where was that damned Daddy, anyway?
Mommy, scrambling for some way to comfort her heartbroken children, offered, “We’ll have a funeral for him. Okay?”
Of course, The Girl and The Boy likely had no idea what a funeral even was, but instantly thought this meant something positive and stopped crying quite so hard.
Daddy was called with the bad news. Overwrought with emotion, he asked Mommy, “When was the last time you fed that damned bird, anyway?”
Daddy came home and the funeral commenced.
Mommy hadn't realized that Ernie was a Christian.
Grandparents showed up to pay their last respects, and the long procession across the yard was made to Ernie’s final resting place.
It was an open-casket funeral.
Ernie was laid in his final resting place.
Ashes to ashes; dust to dust.
Farewell, Ernie!
About the Writer:
Chloe is the writer of The Chloe Chronicles and an overall nice person. When she isn’t blogging or watching Anissa Mayhew eat chocolate cupcakes, she moonlights as an L&D RN, which is how she acquired the moniker: The Vagina Whisperer.
All photos are courtesy of Chloe.
Why, yes, parakeets are christian: god’s chosen bird.
sheesh.
where were you the day we had the birds made on the 3rd day lesson.
xo.
LOVE the guest writer series on AIMING LOW. I have found so many funny, funny bloggers that way.
Twitter Name: gdrpempress
Alexandra,
For some reason I’ve always secretly thought of birds as Buddhists. Don’t ask me why.
Twitter Name: ChloeJeffreys
What a lovely and dignified send-off for Ernie. And you all look resplendent in your funeral sweatpants ;).
Twitter Name: HeatherSchiavo
My funeral sweatpants aren’t nearly as cute.
Twitter Name: notasupermom
I’m sure I could ask my mother-in-law to make you some. Maybe matching ones for you and your husband?
Twitter Name: ChloeJeffreys
lol.
It was a toss up between our funeral sweat pants and our MC Hammer funeral pants.
Twitter Name: ChloeJeffreys
Ernie, we hardly knew ye.
Twitter Name: BoonieSooze
We hardly did. I don’t think that bird made it 3 months before I may have inadvertently starved him to death.
Hey, don’t judge me. I fed the kids.
Twitter Name: ChloeJeffreys
I wish I had funeral sweatpants. They would have made sending L’il Bonnie Blakely, my [now] dead chicken to her final resting place much more comfortable.
I think I’ll cry some more, even though I’m convinced Bonnie was a Believer.
Those aren’t just any funeral sweatpants. Those are genuine hand-painted, Noah’s Ark funeral sweatpants. Perfect for any funeral.
Twitter Name: ChloeJeffreys
Sorry to hear about your chicken. I’m sure there are chickens in heaven.
Twitter Name: ChloeJeffreys
[...] Uncategorized Today I have a guest post over on Aiming Low. You really ought to head over there and read it. It’s about a very sad [...]
I must be way over the top hormonal today. I teared up at this little story. Either that or it was Stings,”Fields of Gold” playing in the background on another open tab.
It was so genuinely sad for them.
I couldn’t stop laughing behind my hand because they were so very, very somber. That first death is always a doozy.
Twitter Name: ChloeJeffreys
Cute story. I dread the day I’ll wake up to find my two parakeets “seeping.”
Twitter Name: styxx374
Sadly, or thankfully, we did not record the equally sad, if not nearly as elaborate, funeral of Sam, the goldfish.
But I’ll never forget the morning that I woke up and The Boy was perched on the bed, bent over my ear whispering, “Mommy, Sam is seeping in the fishbowl.”
Twitter Name: ChloeJeffreys
Well, you did a great job of saving the day AND memorializing the whole thing. And I gotta say it – what beautiful children! :)
They were cute, weren’t they? Even Wolfie. That’s probably why I didn’t kill him when he was a teenager. He tricked me into loving him as a baby and then what was I to do?
Twitter Name: ChloeJeffreys
Oh my, the funeral pants! What a lovely service for poor Ernie!
Ernie went with all the pomp and circumstance he deserved. I only hope my kids are as sad when I pass on.
Twitter Name: ChloeJeffreys
I’ll be wearing my best sweatpants.
Thank you, honey. I knew I could count on you.
Twitter Name: ChloeJeffreys
Your story had wonderful dramatic elements, but who cares about Ernie anymore after seeing the pictures of your children? Those kids were/are so cute!
Now here there is just no disagreement whatsoever. I did make some very purty, if not slightly over-dramatic–although where they got that I’ll never know–children.
Twitter Name: ChloeJeffreys
Oh those sweet babies and their poor passed on parakeet. (Or was he just pining?)
My son and I held a funeral for a caterpillar once.
Jesus says that God cares for the least of these. That most certainly must include caterpillars.
Twitter Name: ChloeJeffreys
Poor Ernie… I too love the sweatpants :-)
At least I fed the darned beta fish~ they died anyway…
Shorty, that was my point when my husband tried to pin the (alleged) crime on me. Maybe I fed Ernie, maybe I didn’t. Either way, he’d be dead by now anyway.
The less is: Live while you can, and mourn when you must.
And take more videos of your kids. Dang I wish I had this on video.
Twitter Name: ChloeJeffreys
True!! I wish you had a video too, lol. Yes, I am ‘living while I am’ …the rest is someone else’s problem…. (If you only knew…) I have really precious videos of my first and second born…(convenient since they were twins, and yes, there is a great delivery story there) but the third and fourth, not so much. But I *do* have awesome digital photos… anyway, I digress… Merry Christmas!
This is sweet. It reminds me of when my parakeet met an tragic accident with the cat who snatched him while I was playing with Parakeet on the floor. I didn’t realize the irony of it until many years later, but we buried Parakeet with dried catfood in the bottom of the box. As a snack for Heaven.
roflol.
That’s bad. That’s very bad. That’s hilarious, but bad.
There are a lot of pissed off birds with God.
Twitter Name: ChloeJeffreys
Did Rachel do all the digging and burying with that little trowel? She looks exhausted in the last picture. Perhaps it’s just grief…
Aimee,
We were homeschoolers. Since there is no sense in wasting a good funeral, we gave her dual credits in both “Grave Digging” AND “PE”.
Twitter Name: ChloeJeffreys
Ha ha…too funny…
Nothing like good homeschooler humor. It wouldn’t be funny if it weren’t so true.
Twitter Name: ChloeJeffreys