(Spoiler Alert)
The Backfired Best Intentions series is dedicated to those who have learned that the road to hell is paved with endless pages of parenting magazines.
You’ve lived some life and learned a few things. As a result, you’ve acquired a set of principles. You may not know exactly how you want to raise your children, because you know better than to parent according to agenda, but you do know what you DON’T want. I know who you are, because in this regard I am very much like you, and I know what I didn’t want. In my case, it was the color pink.
I am a pinkaphobe. I have hated pink since I was my daughter’s age. I’m not sure where my pinkaphobia came from. Was it nature’s way of defending me (a ruddy redhead) against unflattering wardrobe choices that would doom me as easy prey for fashion predators and their bitchy putdowns? I was a tomboy who grew up to be a ladyfella, so did it come hard-wired into my nascent gayness? Or was my pinkaphobia a product of the rampant feminism characterizing the era in which I grew up, the Right On Days known as The Seventies? When you stack it all up, how could a Right On redhaired ladyfella such as myself *not* hate pink?
All of the above would make for the ultimate resume for the position of fun, butchy boy mom. Had I the opportunity for an interview, I’m sure I would have nailed it. (How could I not? I own at least three hammers! BAdum-bump!) But that cosmic prankster Destiny made me the mother of a beautiful little girl. When we learned we were expecting a daughter, my wife and I made a solemn pact: we would name her Mabel, and she would be the only girl in America not wearing pink.
How long did this last? Let me put it this way: Mabel was wearing a pink coat on the day she was brought home from the hospital. That was the day my lumpy, earth-toned idealism went swirling into a gigantic Pepto-pink vortex of modern girl aesthetic, never to be seen again.
As I type this post, I am surrounded by pink: a pink notepad on my desk, a pink toy castle in the living room, a battalion of pink Polly Pockets carpeting the floor. There’s even a pink hair tie holding back my ponytail, and looking like shit, too, I’m quite sure.
But the most insidious pink of all? The pink blush in Mabel’s cheeks when she laughs at me.
Moral of the story: if you want to win the war, choose a beatable enemy. Like orange.
About Hellraisin
Pink is horseshit. My daughter’s room is blue which she says is her favorite color. We’ll see how long it lasts.
Actually, pink is My Little Pony shit. Once you step in it, you become an authority on pink and poop. Trust me on this one, and pray this blue thing sticks.
Twitter Name: GaytheistGospel
Kind of hard to get away from pink when you want to dress your child in ‘girl’ clothes. I felt comfortable dressing my daughter in boy clothes and it was a choice. I don’t hate pink necessarily but I didn’t want to have to dress her in the color because certain stores thought girls should wear that color.
Maybe as a society we dress girls in pink when they are little so other adults know if your child is a girl just by looking at her.
Whatever. But I am right there with you! Right On!
I hear you, sister! The content of a person’s pants should not determine the color of their clothes! I think we should color-code according to IQ so we can steer clear of the dumb and the dangerous.
Twitter Name: GaytheistGospel
I’ve never been a huge pink fan and Meg was dressed in mostly nuetral tones. We didn’t know if she would be a boy or girl so her nursery was done in animals with neutral coloring. Then with Elle I knew she was going to be a girl and something in me snapped…her nursery was all light pink. My hubby thought I went nuts, but I have the best memories of that nursery and it was so calm and peaceful.
As of right now my four girls will only wear bright pink, and even that is sparse. It comes in waves. The princess pink explosion tends to last until about age 6-7.
You’ll make it!
Twitter Name: fouragainsttwo
So three more years to go? Okay. If the nation can live through 8 years of George W. Bush, I can do this. USA! USA! USA!
Twitter Name: GaytheistGospel
I think the harder you fight the pink, the more a girl will love it (they don’t wait until the teen years to rebel!) Just act as though the pink doens’t bother you, and maybe the other colors will take back over.
I personally am OK with pink, but specifically avoided buying any when Princess was a baby because I didn’t want to force the cliche upon her. Unfortunately, MIL was so excited to have a girl to shop for after having raised three boys that we had a steady influx of frills and pastels that I just couldn’t avoid.
Twitter Name: MamaKaren
Sage advice. I’ve been screaming quietly into an LL Bean throw pillow so no one can delight in (and take rebellious inspiration from) my agony.
Twitter Name: GaytheistGospel
On my baby shower invitation, I wrote “Please. A minimum of pink items.” Now everything I own is pink, often by my own choice. I loved this post.
You have Stockholm Syndrome! You’re like the Patty Hearst of Pink! But then again, you’re probably a lot more at peace than I am, so I’m not going to knock it.
Twitter Name: GaytheistGospel
you crack me up, hellraisin.
My ‘how I want to parent’ ideal taht got tossed on its ass was breastfeeding. I always felt that if they were old enough to ask for it, or, god forbid, self-serve, they were too old. Fast forward to my almost-3-year-old pulling out the collar of my shirt, looking down inside and announcing to the world in general “I like to drink my Mommy’s boobies.” Yeah. The other people at the DMV were just as charmed as I.
I did end up weaning her just before 3, but that’s because I would be starting medications that were bad for breastfeeding. I took her to my doctor appointment and made my doc tell her I had to quit. :) Then I spent the next 3 nights comforting her and blaming the doc! :)
FREE AT LAST! (For roughly 9 months anyway, since the meds were to help us make the next one. *sigh*)
Twitter Name: bitingmyhand
I like how you connived to transform a trusted medical professional into the bad guy! You are an evil genius!
Twitter Name: GaytheistGospel
I love pink, dark pink, light pink, pinkish red, pink undertones, pink flowers, pink horizons, but i draw the line at pink hair