I am not a single parent but my partner travels for work so I am sometimes alone with the children for weeks at a time. I have so much respect for single parents because, when my partner is away, my only goal is to survive. If the kids survive, that’s a bonus.
In order for me to be a decent single parent, I need two things every day - I need enough quiet time in the morning to drink two cups of coffee and I need an uninterrupted shower.
Recently, on Day 12 of Single Parenting, I went downstairs, made coffee and then made the kids breakfast. As they ate, I reminded them that I needed quiet time for coffee and that they would need to find something to do. They nodded earnestly and smiled and assured me that they would leave me alone.
I had no sooner settled down in a comfy chair with my coffee when they were on me. My daughter wrapped herself around my leg and my son sat nearby singing Rumor Has It. I cycled through “I need time to myself”, “Please find something to do”, “Go to your rooms right now!” and finally “I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE!”
They smiled and said, “But we love you…” and I stormed off to take my shower, reminding them not to interrupt me.
As the shower washed away all my frustration, my daughter burst through the door and uttered words no parent ever wants to hear:
“Mom! We got into a fight with blue food coloring!”
No. This couldn’t be happening. I ripped open the shower curtains and there she was – her eyes wide and her hands completely blue.
I screamed. Primally.
She ran to her room and and my son appeared and said, “Don’t worry! We cleaned it all up!” His hands were bright blue and his sweatshirt was covered in blue spots. I strongly suggested he go to his room and then I followed the trail of blue drips right into the kitchen.
It looked like the site of a bloody turf war between rival gangs of Smurfs - blue droplets smeared all over the counter and dripping onto the floor, blue arterial spray all over the wood floors. The towels and wash cloths they had used to “clean” were tossed haphazardly on various surfaces. At that moment, I considered getting in the car and driving until I ran out of gas and then starting a new life. Instead, I spent the next half hour on my hands and knees scrubbing blue food coloring off the floor.
I survived. I can’t say if the kids did or not. I love the Fifth Amendment.
About Vikki
Thank you, I sooooo needed this today- at home with my toddler, and I had the flu. I have been a miserable human being and a horrible mother all day, and totally get the primal scream. And the desperate need for coffee, even when it makes me nauseated.
Twitter Name: elizaflemingbt
I am glad I could make your day brighter. AND you made me feel better about the primal scream.
Twitter Name: uppoppedafox
Ohhh, I feel you. It reminds of the time time I was flying solo for an extended period of time and attempted to take as shower. I came out to find my son, who was 3, painting my daughter and the stainless steel fridge with a tube a white out. FYI, white out is sort of like food coloring. It took three weeks to come off completely.
Glad it’s not just me!!! (Misery loves company.)
Twitter Name: AnunCommonMom
Oh wow. That is bad. I will now make sure we have no white out.
Twitter Name: uppoppedafox
Oh Vikki, this sounds so familiar, from the triage of parenting alone, to the “but we love you!” to the food coloring (it may not have been blue). I feel ya, sister!!
Thanks! I’m just glad I can laugh about it now.
Twitter Name: uppoppedafox
This just took me back about 13 years (to when the kids were two and three). They asked if they could play with the spice containers while I got ready to go somewhere (Tupperware spice containers make great building blocks).
I walked into the kitchen to find they had EMPTIED ALL THE SPICE ONTO THE FLOOR before building their tower. I’m just really glad my mil turned up before the evidence needed to be hidden……
Did it smell good at least?
Twitter Name: uppoppedafox
Of all the colors in the rainbow, it had to be the blue. The blue is the ultimate worst. I’m so sorry. Very, very, very sorry.
Thanks. I still can’t believe I got it all off. I was afraid we’d have to have the hard wood floors refinished.
Twitter Name: uppoppedafox
I see what you did there! Clever linking tells me that the devious minds of the kids didn’t just appear out of nowhere…
I like to think of myself as clever rather than devious ;)
Twitter Name: uppoppedafox