Self-Confidence~ As a child, I felt small. I felt dwarfed by the circumstances of my life. But no matter what was going on, I always knew that if I wanted to achieve something, anything at all, I only needed to have the will and determination. I had self-confidence in my ability to overcome. I could hear my mother’s voice repeating in my head, “Where there is a will, there is a way.”
I used to think that was just a southern saying that people threw around like ” Y’all come back now.” No one really cares if you ever come back, they say it as a pleasantry. It’s so much more because “Where there’s a will, there’s a way” implies that there is no goal too lofty, no grief insurmountable, no circumstance too hard to overcome. The implication is hard-wired directly to your self-confidence. It puts into perspective that you can do absolutely anything that you set your mind to; you only have to be willing to put in the time and effort to achieve those goals. It’s true. Self-confidence can take you where fear told you that you were not welcome or worthy. It’s okay to be you!
I was born to an immigrant factory worker father, parents who had nothing more than a high school education; we lived a quiet lower-class life. In my life, there were nothing but obstacles. A lesser person might have fallen victim to their circumstances. My father was an alcoholic and my mother was an enabler. We didn’t have much in the way of possessions. There were 8 of us in a 2 bedroom house. We spent most of our childhood living in embarrassment and fear that people would realize what our father was and how meager our circumstances were. But I heard my mother’s words echoing in my head “Debi, where there is a will, there is a way” and I knew there was. That is probably the greatest gift my mother has ever given to me, aside from my life. This is the legacy that I want to leave to my girls.
I made up my mind, as a child, that I would get good grades, go to college, do something I love; surpass my circumstances. My self-confidence in my intelligence, my fortitude and my determination are what took me from my humble beginnings to who I am today. I may not be a billionaire but I no longer live in a tiny house, I no longer wait in fear for a drunk father to walk in the door, I no longer need anyone’s approval. I have become the parent that I wish I had. I have the life that I craved as a child.
I have become the change I want in the world all because of eight little words, “Where there’s a will, there’s always a way.”
About Truthful Mommy
Yes. A thousand times, yes. When I hear excuses from people that sound like, “I was never taught any better”, or “I’m a drunk because that’s all I ever knew”, I know them to be what they are. Excuses.
Not reasons.
Excuses for choices.
You are living proof that choices can be made that can take you in good directions – it’s just that YOU have to make the choices – you can’t let others make the choices for you.
Twitter Name: lceel
I agree, obviously:) I have no tolerance for those who let their circumstances in the past keep them from achieving the future that they deserve. I can say this because I have lived it. I’m a boot strap kinda girl, I pull myself up, I dust myself off and I soldier on. Nothing or no one is capable or has the power to stop me from achieving my goals…except for me and I won’t allow that of myself either.
Twitter Name: Truthfulmommy
Or as my grandmother used to say, “Can’t never could do nothin’.” I use that with my kids today. If you believe you can, then you can.
Amen to that. I believe that with every single fiber of my being.I know it to be so!
Twitter Name: Truthfulmommy
It’s truly amazing what we can all do to change our own circumstances with the right mindset. You are an incredible person and the message here is spot-on! Thanks for sharing your story with us and your inspriation!!!!
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
Naomi,
Thank you for all of your kind words and friendship. I WILL Never forget the hand holding you gave me last Wednesday.It was the hardest piece I have ever published and your support helped me hit the button. This post is such an important message. I wish that every parent could instill this into every child from the moment of birth.Everyone deserves to know they can do anything, be anything, achieve anything.
Twitter Name: Truthfulmommy
Wow! That was so beautiful – may I adopt your saying? I think we forget we have our own power to change and that our circumstances are often temporary, well said.
Where there is a will, there IS a way.
Lx
Twitter Name: loriluna
Lori,
I believe that saying with every fiber of my being. I look at people and I see a plethora of untapped potential. It’s never too late to be, have and do anything and everything you ever wanted. It’s all a matter of making the decision and having the willingness to put in the time and effort required to achieve the dream or realize the potential. Another favorite FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. XO
Twitter Name: Truthfulmommy
You know what I love most about this post? “I no longer need anyone’s approval.” That’s a tough spot to get to, but a powerful place to be. Brava, you. That’s a stumbling block for me.
Twitter Name: amybhole
Amy,
Approval is nice, of course. We all like affirmation BUT it’s not necessary to me anymore. I needed to realize that in order to move past it. If I still needed the approval of people, I would never continue on..I’d give up because most people don’t give out approval so easily. I think approval is sometimes used like a weapon and held over one another.I take away its power and I just try to live in a way that meets my approval because at the end of the day, I have to be happy with who I am.
Twitter Name: Truthfulmommy
More wise words…
Twitter Name: amybhole
Stop it Amy, you are making me blush. I might starting thinking I’m wise or something. Better yet, maybe I should print this out and hand it to my girls when they hit puberty and begin to think I don;t know anything:)
Twitter Name: Truthfulmommy
I love that you’ve become the parent you wish you had. Like you said, I may not be a millionaire, but I’m proud of what I do every day with my kiddos. Oh, and I gave them the father I wish I had had too…and I’m pretty darn proud of that. Awesome post, thanks debi!!!!!
You are providing the best life possible for your boys because you made the choices to do so. You chose to be with your husband and you chose to have children with him and you made this happen. Where there is a will, there is always a way. XO
Twitter Name: Truthfulmommy
Girl,
proud to stand next to you.
We are machines.
Nothing stops us.
I remember thinking these very same things, and promising them to myself, as young as age 8.
Clearly.
I even remember the moment.
Go fight win…right?
xo
Twitter Name: gdrpempress
Alexandra,
The more I get to know you, the more I feel that we have very similar lives. We are warriors my friend. We soldier on and surpass our circumstances.
XO
Twitter Name: Truthfulmommy
In addition to “where there’s a will, there’s a way” I cling to “when God closes a door, he opens a window.” And a bit of “what doesn’t kill us makes us strong.”
Crap gets thrown at you, especially if you are already at the bottom of the heap. How you choose to use your circumstances and your gifts and your struggles is what defines you as a person. Every obstacle is a lesson. Every failure or doomed situation teaches me how not to do things the next time around. Sometimes I don’t remember how precious those lessons are when I am in the middle of the hard parts, but I always seem to come around eventually!
Twitter Name: MamaKaren
MamaKaren,
I love them all. I’m not so sure about the what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, I know it’s true but I surely don’t like testing that theory:)
You are a wise woman and it is so true that our circumstances and our struggles define us.
Twitter Name: Truthfulmommy
Wow, Debi! I think our Mother’s were cut from the same mold. That’s all I heard growing up and I say the same saying repeatedly to my 13 yr old daughter. Good words of advice.
Your story, sounds a lot like mine. Substitute the alcoholic father with an authoritarian father and you’ve got my life.
I always enjoy reading your Deb.
You are an inspiration to me always.
Twitter Name: beeswithhoney
Thanks Bruna. I truly do think that that saying may be one of the greatest gifts my mother ever gave me. I;m glad we have a lot in common, but at the same time I am sorry that some of the hard parts are what we share.
You are such an awesome Mom to be instilling the Where there is a will , there is a way mantra in your girls.I am too and I hope that it becomes ingrained in their minds and their hearts.
Twitter Name: Truthfulmommy