I know this may be shocking, but my gleaming red-not-found-in-nature hair is from a bottle. As was the gleaming blond-not-found-in-nature hair I sported for years before that. But lest you feel cheated, my leg stubble hue is authentic.
I have not seen my real hair color since I was fifteen. My mother was a beautician and at the end of my sophomore year, she said something to the effect of “Let’s spruce that up”, and that was that. Spruced ever since.
As anyone with spruced hair color will tell you, the normal progression of aging signals are somewhat adrift in a peroxide sea. Gone are the Little House On The Prairiesque days of wearing your gray with dignity and pride because it showed the world that you had survived childbirth, mountain lion attacks and Pa Ingalls’ endless advances.
The Bible says “Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.” Of course, this was written in a time when the average life expectancy was 32 with a leprous stump where your hand used to be, but still. There is something about that silvery symbol of accomplishment and perseverance that is sadly lacking in our culture of double-consonant procedures (Tummy Tuck, Lifestyle Lift, Fotofacial, etc.)
And that is why I propose we raise a banner of praise to the one single solid white pubic hair.
Mine showed herself just the other day, proudly waving in the breeze of the bathroom ventilation fan. And no, I did not pluck her, hide her behind her younger sisters, insult her by vajazzling, or dye her a gleaming matching-red-not-found-in-nature.
I chose instead to see her as a valiant symbol of:
Longevity. I am still alive. I did not succumb to any of the illnesses that I imagined in the middle of a dark night, i.e., headache = brain tumor, stomach ache –> colostomy bag, I will accidentally plunge an awl into my eye and end up blind like Louis Braille, etc.
Wisdom. I am an unashamed fan of clean living, subscribing heartily and happily to the Good Book; I’m grateful for my “righteous” life, grateful to have made it past 32, and grateful that I do not have a leprous stump where my hand used to be.
Sense of humor about aging. Yes, my post-spawn stomach resembles poorly-hung valances, my eyelids need to be propped up with decorative toothpicks and my gums are leading the economic recession, but at least I can laugh. One of those dark, raspy laughs that sound like Suzanne Pleshette when she got really, really old.
And so, I will proudly place a crown on my ladybits and declare that I am a glorious and righteous woman.
Vive la pube!
About Dusty
Thank you for sharing! I love this! Vive la pube! (vlp for short ;-) ).
Twitter Name: MyMamihood
You’re welcome! VLP!
Yes! Let it wave, girl.
I shall! Thank you for understanding :-)
whoa….i better go look to see if i have one….
check back in and let us know, Lori.
I never got just one. I had like fifty at once. Dude. WTF?
Twitter Name: thedgoddess
You must be so proud. You get vive les pubes!
That Suzanne Pleshette analogy made me shudder, laugh, AND gag! It was about to go for my wallet, too, but I pepper-sprayed its analogass.
Twitter Name: GaytheistGospel
That comment made ME shudder and laugh, Hellraisin.
That’s where my lady grays showed up first when I was 34. It was 3 or 4 of them, and I kind of did a mental fistpump and then promptly proudly showed them off to my husband. He was bemused.
Twitter Name: sungryphon
I like the way you think, Miriam.
I have one of those sprouting on my chin. And every few weeks it is plucked thank you very much! A white hair on my head fine but NOT on the chin :)
I pluck mine too. Because it’s tough to dye those.
OMG – I ADORE Suzanne Pleshette!
And congrats on your little white wizard! ;-)
XO
Anna
Twitter Name: AnnaLefler
Who doesn’t adore Suzanne Pleshette? You’d have to be a regular philistine not to. Love you, A.
I went from one or two to 50 in nothing flat. I am having a tougher time embracing them than you…but you’ve convinced me to work on my ‘tude.
It does my heart good to know that I can help you with your gray pube attitude. I’m tearing up, Kristin.
It is important for us to focus on the important things in life. Thank you for helping me to do that (and for your emotional support…tears!).
Holy pubes Batman! I am grinning ear to ear. I mean, ear to pube. ROFLMAO!
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
“Grinning ear to pube”. Now there’s a catchphrase for the 21st century. xxoo
You are hilarious. (I had no idea your color was not your own! You wear it well, a la Tori Amos.) White pubic hair has nothing to do with doing it or losing it, right?
Nothing at all, my dear.
Vive la pube, indeed! I remember the first time I noticed one down there, when I was indifferently trying to decide whether I should trim, today, tomorrow or never, lazy bum that I am and I thought, OMG – fancy that! Wise or what?
Decades ago, during our teens, we actually tried hair-removing cream and became quite joyous about our oh-so-smooth you-know-whats. And then, the next morning, that stubble! Grrrr. It poked through the panty material.
Still laughing over your post!
Twitter Name: vidyasury
Oh Vidya, I remember those days of trying to be smooth. Seriously, it lasted for one day and then you paid for it for the next two weeks.
And congratulations on your wise ladybits, darlin’.
I like this so much.
THIS is the secret to growing older, beautifully.
I will hang with you ALWAYS.
Twitter Name: gdrpempress
Yeah all a bag of middle age laughs unless your 27.. I am too young for this sh*t… Aren’t I?!