Recently Jared Karol wrote a kick-ass article for Aiming Low entitled Plural’s Don’t Have Apostrophe’s,Idiot’s. That piece really resonated with me and inspired me to write this. P.S. Jared, don’t let this go to your head or anything…
1. You’re = you are. Your = possessive.
Examples: You’re such a grammar nerd! Or Erin, your obsession with grammar is ridiculous.
2. They’re = they are. Their = possessive. There = opposite of here.
Examples: They’re ridiculous for even thinking that Kim Kardashian’s wedding was for realz. Or My children are too smart for their own good; their mommy manipulation knows no boundaries. Or I am so sick of Justin Bieber. He got some girl pregnant? Let’s not even go there.
3. Should’ve = should have. There’s no such phrase as “should of” (or could of / would of, for that matter).
Example: I totally should’ve had a glass of wine with dinner.
4. To = preposition. Two = number. Too = also.
Examples: My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Or I bought two cases of beer along with a case of Pampers today. Or I wish men had the ability to become pregnant and nurse babies, too.
5. Intact = untouched. There’s no such word/phrase as “in tack.”
Example: I scarfed all the peanut butter brownies and chocolate chip cookies, but left the fruit salad intact.
6. Loose = opposite of tight. Lose = when you can’t find something.
Examples: I don’t think I’ve seen Peggy Bundy in any loose clothing. Or If this baby doesn’t go to sleep soon, I’m going to lose my freakin’ mind.
7. His, hers, its, yours, theirs = possessive. No apostrophe needed. It’s = it is.
Examples: I can smell his B.O. from a mile away. Or Is that dime bag I found yours?
8. Effect & affect. Effect = a noun that means results. Affect = a verb that means to act on or produce a change in.
Examples: Thank goodness for Prozac, its benefits far outweigh the side effects. Or All that Halloween candy sure affected my children; they were bouncing off the walls for hours.
Now go forth and be grammatically correct!
About Erin Margolin
Thank-you for this because number 2 is my personal fave and unfortunately the one that gets abused most often. Okay, number 7 is really popular and equally irritating as well.
Twitter Name: samkj27
Samantha,
Yes. There were sooooo many more, but I had to keep my list to a minimum. Besides, I’m sure I’ve already managed to alienate several people with just the ones listed here. Snort!
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
I saw a guide once that started “It’s it’s, not its, when it’s it is…” It was a good paragraph long, all on its vs it’s. I wish I could find it, I’d love to have it framed!
Twitter Name: upsidebackwards
Kate,
If you find it, let me know! That sounds awesome!
Grammar nerds unite!
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
Brava for the correct use of a semi-colon in #8!! (And for all the rest of it too, of course! Would it be weird to direct my grad students to this post before they write their papers???).
Am I an asshole because I noticed that in the first example in #8 you used a comma splice where a semi colon should have gone?
Twitter Name: classicnycgirl
ClassicNYCGirl,
No, you’re not an asshole! I’m just relieved this was a grammar post and not a punctuation post! Also, I have a newbor baby at home. So I’m sleep deprived. Hence the comma splice.
;-)
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
Kristin,
Go ahead and direct them, just be sure to point out the comma splice I left in # 8. OY! (good thing this is a grammar post, not a punctuation post—I never claimed to be an expert on that!)
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
Hmmm, I should of come up with a segway for this comment. I fear my lack of one will effect you’re opinion of me. Their just two many ways to screw up. I’ll try not too loose any sleep over it because I want to remain in tack for tomorrow.
Twitter Name: Unknown Mami
I love you, Mami. <3
Twitter Name: classicnycgirl
Mami,
YOU CRACK ME UP!!! Definitely don’t loose two much sleep over this, ok? xoxo
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
That plural apostrophe crap pisses me off. It’s honestly one of the reasons I left Facebook; I kept seeing it everywhere. (Well, okay, I left Facebook because it was too pointless, but still. I’m relieved to not have to see “I bought apple’s today with my girl’s” anymore. It really makes me stabby. I get that some people aren’t great at grammar and spelling, but we learn apostrophes in first grade, guys!
Also, I once argued with a drunk lady who told me that a semicolon was an apostrophe. I finally told her, “Okay, whatever,” and left the conversation. Sigh.
Twitter Name: elizabethbarone
HAHAHA, it makes you “stabby!!” Brilliant!
Now if someone could tackle the 80′s. It is the 80s, right??
I suppose it would depend on whether you’re talking about 80′s clothing or the 80s in general. :)
Culinary,
You are so smart. Let’s hang out!
;-)
Thanks for coming by to read!
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
Kimber,
Right–it is the 80s. But please refer to Alchemist’s comment below!
;-)
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
I write it as ’80s, because technically, you’re shortening from 1980s to ’80s. That doesn’t really bother me, though, for some reason.
Twitter Name: elizabethbarone
Liz,
That stuff makes me stabby, too! Relieved to know I’m not alone in that regard. And yes, I’m hypersensitive to all those mistakes on FB as well.
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
You’re definitely not alone!
Twitter Name: elizabethbarone
This makes me happy. YOUR vs. YOU’RE is my BIGGEST pet peeve :) AND? This was just the proof I needed for a debate I had this evening. Perfect timing.
Twitter Name: DanielleSmithTV
Danielle,
Thanks, sweets! Would love to know more about this “debate” you speak of. Oops, I ended that sentence with a preposition. NAUGHTY NAUGHTY!!
xo
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
Ending a sentence with a preposition is a thing up with which I will not put!
Twitter Name: classicnycgirl
Bravo! Let me know when you do a post about punctuation. My skin crawls when I see periods and commas outside of quotation marks! (12 years of English with nuns will do that to a person.)
Heh. I just had to go back and check my comment above to make sure I adhered to punctuation inside of a quote. Whew!
Haha! I checked the comments & post before being snotty!
Mom-mom-mom,
Ooooh, good idea for a forthcoming post. Wanna help me? I’m totally with you on the quotation marks. Great minds think alike?
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
Oh, how I love this!
Thanks so much, Shell!
I appreciate your stopping by to comment!
;-)
xo
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
I really wish I could come up with a witty comment. All I can say is your awesome. This post is to.
Twitter Name: _MamaJules_
Evonne,
That was a witty comment!
LOL!
;-)
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
Witty, yes. Very difficult to write? That’s also a yes.
Twitter Name: _MamaJules_
Cripes, I better go proofread my latest AL peace pending.
Twitter Name: funnyorsnot
Fear not, Poppy. A dutiful reader caught my comma splice in # 8. I guess I should of tried harder two make sure this was perfect.
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
That would be a really heinous crime if I even knew what a comma splice is. I’ve now been self-deemed not enough of an grammar nerd to participate. {hangs head in shame}
One time a really smart friend of mine emailed me and used the phrase “for all intensive purposes” instead of “for all intents & purposes”. Is it wrong that I laughed?
Cathy,
I wish I’d included that one on my list! But I had to choose and narrow down my list (which was entirely too long to begin with!). ANd no, NOT WRONG that you laughed!! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
GAH!! Thank you!!! I think I’ll link to it on fb… not that anyone there will read it… but they should.
As for me… I’m dedicated to overusing the ellipses. Not being one who can tell when a comma or semicolon or m-dash is needed, I break out my favorite three dots.
Now… what about supposed?
Is it “supposed to” or “suppose to?”
{I was supposed to put in that apostrophe, but I forgot.}
Great article!
Kimber,
Another good one—SUPPOSED to.
;-)
giggling!
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
FANTASTIC! I’m Liking this and tweeting it all over town, Erin. My major pet peeves! Your awesome and you effected me greatly, girl! :-)
AUUAHHHHGHHHHHHHHHH! I mean: HAHAHAHA!
Twitter Name: GaytheistGospel
Hellraisin,
Thank you, darling!
xoxo
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
Dusty,
Thank you, sweets! YOUR EVEN AWESOMER!
;-)
LOL
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
Have you read “Eats, Shoots, and Leaves”? It’s a terrific book for kids about comma usage. My sister sent it my way and it always makes me laugh.
Mindy,
I have that book & love it! Too bad more people don’t read it/get it.
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
Grammar lessons seen through the lans of snarky examples. It just might work as in operating or functioning properly, not work it girl.
Twitter Name: CuteMonsterDad
Vincent,
Yeah, I thought snarky examples might help. Too bad I have so much baby brain right now or I COULD OF made it more AFFECTive.
;-)
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
I always take “What have you got to loose?” as an attack on my post baby boobs and thighs, and I hate it when people make me think about my post baby boobs and thighs.
But seriously, bless you. On all of it.
Twitter Name: julieinthelou
Julie,
I am now your newest Twitter follower b/c your comment made me crack up. Never thought about it that way. Snorting.
;-)
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
Thank you.
These errors annoy the shit out of me. ESPECIALLY should of.
Although, it’s not as annoying as, “She/he don’t” or any other form of “don’t” where “doesn’t” should be.
Jackie,
Don’t even get me started on that. OMG! And so happy you agree on the “should of” example. GRAMMAR NERDS UNITE!
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
So, now this has been on my mind all morning!!!!! There is also the case of the dying adverb. Seriously, what happened to -ly endings?! Adverbs must have rolled over and died when “ain’t” acquired a definition.
I have long been tempted to write an entire blog post on the proper use of To Lie vs. To Lay; but I think I may alienate a large portion of the population.
So.
Twitter Name: julie gardner
Julie,
I wish you would…and don’t hate me, but sometimes I still get those confused. Hence the reason they weren’t included on my list. Oopsie.
xoxo
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
I remember my 7th grade teacher, with her completely nasal voice, said, “LAAAAAy means plAAAAAce. LIIIIIe means reCLIIIIIne.”
I didn’t never confuse the two again.
Who and whom? That’s a whole nother story.
Twitter Name: JWMoxie
Moxie,
Now I can add lay & lie to my list, that’s a good way to remember it—your teacher was a rockstar!
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
This post makes me want to lick you. You. Are. Brilliant.
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
Naomi,
I want to lick you, too!
XOXOXOXOXO
MWAH!
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
I can go on and on about the things that drive me crazy.
Most of all: “her and I.”
That her and I feels like brillo pads across my face.
Stop, people!
Twitter Name: gdrpempress
I so hear you… and the other one is “between you and I,” usually used by people who think they know something, but clearly don’t understand the difference between a subject and an object.
I know I just lost somebody, so think of this: “between us” or “between we”? If the latter one sounds fine to you, go ahead and continue saying “between you and I.” At least you’re consistent.
Twitter Name: classicnycgirl
Alexandra,
Brillo pads indeed! Maybe I need to write a sequel to this post. LOL!
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
I’m always surprised by the frequency of loose/lose. Even among people who should know better.
And it’s a moot point, not a mute point. I know someone that does that all the time.
Twitter Name: cannibal_nerd
Carrie,
Amen to moot/mute. Mute is for the television, people. Wake up!
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
I have to restrain myself when people say the point is mute. Kills me, just kills me.
Twitter Name: thejackb
Jack—
OMG! I SHOULD OF put that one in here!
;-)
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
I have made you a lieutenant in my bad ass grammar gang!
Twitter Name: GaytheistGospel
Hellraisin,
That just made my day!
WOOHOOO!
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
This was awesome!
Now we need a post tackling math. If I see one more person on Facebook answer the “What’s 5+5+5-5+5+5-5+5×0?” question with zero, I’m going to lose my mind.
Twitter Name: midgetinvasion
Midgetinvasion,
I’ll let you tackle the math post. I am a math MORON. Cannot comprehend it.
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
No. 6 makes me want to punch my computer screen. I have no idea why it evokes such a violent reaction.
Jennifer,
That makes two of us!
;-)
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
Me and my friends really liked this.
Seriously, this is something my mother would stroke out on every single time we said this. Hence my visceral reaction when my own children say this. Never mind they’re now 20 and 21… they STILL do it.
Facebook and texting have RUINED language.
Who would have thought 8 simple grammar rules would get folks so riled up?? Just reading the comments made my blood pressure rise.
Oh my lerd… if only there was a suitable grammar-check out there!
How about regardless and irrespective? There is no such word as irregardless although I have been known to use it in conversation. Yikes.
writingfeemail,
Another good one I SHOULD OF included!
;-)
Thanks so much for reading & commenting!
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
I’m so glad you’ve written this post! Those examples are big pet peeves of mine. You must write more grammar posts. The world needs more lessons like yours (noticed I used that correctly)!
Twitter Name: late_mommy
Judy,
I fear a sequel to this post wouldn’t result in as many comments. ANd people might start to hate me or something. LOL!
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
My latest pet peeve: I’s
I’ve read this on Facebook posts and we’re not supposed to correct those, right?
Andrea,
NO. WAY.
I’s? WTF?????
The world must be coming to an end.
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
These are handy tips especially for non-native English speakers/writers.
I always have to pause a bit when using my ‘ – apostrophes. :D
Tams,
Thank you! I didn’t even think about that—-but how sad is it that most native English speakers don’t even know this stuff?!
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
A LOT. TWO words!
Tonya,
YES YES YES!
That’s another pet peeve of mine, but alas…I forgot to include it here. Hoping people read all the comments to find the ones I should’ve included (but didn’t have space to!).
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
Another “between” peeve I have is its use when the distrubtion is among three or more parts. “Choose between the following four options.” No. I will choose from *among* the four options, but *between* only applies to two!
Also, the next time I hear that someone at my office has “back to back to back” meetings, I may lose my composure and loose my wrath upon the world.
Twitter Name: MamaKaren
Mama Karen,
We must’ve been separated at birth. I can’t believe I left out the between/among rule. But I see people confuse that one ALL THE TIME and it irks me. I’m such a dork.
I will loose my wrath upon the world right along w/ you, sister!
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
What? “Back to back to back” is possible if one of those meetings has two asses…
Twitter Name: classicnycgirl
It’s a pretty amazing wonderful life we lead when so many people live so well that the one thing that really bothers them isn’t all the pain and suffering in the world, it’s the grammar. I feel sick
Sorry you feel that way! p.s. grammar isn’t the only thing that bugs me.
Twitter Name: erinmargolin