Setting: Two toddlers are playing in the living room peacefully. Their father walks into the room, sees two sippy cups lying on their sides on the couch. Milk is slowly dripping out of them, leaving a visible stain.
Kids: Happily. Hi, Daddy. Look at -
Father: Yelling. How many times do I have to tell you? Don’t leave your cups on the couch! Are you trying to ruin the couch?
Kids: Ignoring their father. Daddy, look at the puzzle I made. Can you read me a book, Daddy?
Father: Staring in disbelief. You’re not listening to me, are you? Get your cups off the couch! Now!
The kids look at their Father for a moment, then continue to play happily. The milk continues its slow drip onto the couch.
The father, in a sudden and inexplicable state of temporary insanity, runs across the room and hurdles himself out the second story front window. He floats through the air in slow motion with shards of glass surrounding him on all sides. His mouth is open in an agonizing scream but no sound is coming out. He lands with an awkward thud in the driveway. He dies instantly.
The kids continue to play in the living room, only briefly looking up at the sound of the shattering glass. The milk continues to drip onto the couch.
Boy: Where’s Daddy?
Girl: Look at my train.
Boy: A – B – C – D – E. . .
Girl: Where’s Daddy?
Boy: Picking his nose. Booger?
Girl: Pulling at her diaper. My butt hurts!
Meanwhile, out in the driveway, blood runs down the slope of the driveway. A neighbor walks by and draws a chalk outline around the dead body.
Boy: Looking out the window and seeing Daddy lying on the ground in the driveway. There’s Daddy! He sleeping!
Girl: Coming over to look. Laughing. Daddy funny! Sleeping in driveway.
Boy: He silly!
Girl: Why Daddy sleeping there?
The limit of their attention span reached, they leave the window and return to their playing. The milk continues to drip on the couch. A buzzard flies over and pecks at the dead body in the driveway. Scary music plays. The curtain closes. A stagehand says “mooooo” in a loud voice from backstage. A rivulet of milk comes out from underneath the curtain for dramatic effect.
The End
About Jared Karol
This is so mooving.
(I should probably say something about being here all week and trying the veal, but I do believe I have a second story window to jump out of)
Twitter Name: julieinthelou
I’m glad you found it moooving, and yes, please let me know your performance times. Maybe we can do a double bill together – jumping out a second story window. . .
Twitter Name: lickthefridge
Hmmmm, so…. this is a comment on the dysfunctional state of the post-modern, post-feminist father in a dichotomous world of family-work responsibilities, right?
I hate milk on the couch too.
Twitter Name: ReadilyAParent
Yeah, I think that about captures it. . . uh, I think. . . (grin). . .
we’ve finally accepted that our furniture will be ruined and that we’ll spend a small fortune to replace it in a half dozen years or so. . .
Twitter Name: lickthefridge
hhmm… I think I might scream if I have to pick up one more sippy or yet another mass of toys strewn across the whole entire house…Or maybe just laugh instead:) But the insanity is so worth it.
Yes, it is insane, but we love it, don’t we? Maybe cuz we’re insane too. . .
Twitter Name: lickthefridge