There are questions we all ask, but don’t really want to know the answers to and yet we still keep asking them. Let’s put a few of these issues to rest, shall we? I will answer some of these questions for you and you will never EVER have to ask them again. Think of all the time and energy you can save and direct somewhere truly useful.
Question #1: Does my ass look fat in these jeans/pants?
Answer: If you have to ask, then… yes. Yes, your ass looks fat in those pants. But you know what? Rock the pants, anyway. Fat asses can be hot! Fat asses deserve nice jeans/pants. Fat asses can be SWEET! Many men and many women like fat asses. Get over your fat ass and wear what you want to wear. Your ass looking fat in those jeans/pants does not mean your ass looks bad. Fat does not equal bad.
Question #2: I’ve always suspected that my parents have a favorite child. Do they?
Answer: Yup, it’s true. Your parents did/do play favorites. Oh, they tried/try to be fair and treat all their children the same, but they are only human and sometimes without meaning to they showed/show favoritism. Here’s the good thing: sometimes (when you are being awesome) you are their favorite, but when you are acting like a jackass then “favorite” goes to the kid that isn’t being a jackass. So, if what you are really asking is “am I my parents’ favorite kid?” The answer is: Yes, but only sometimes.
Question #3: I just read about this new herb/pill/laxative that will help me lose weight, does it really work and should I try it?
Answer: Go ahead and try it, if you don’t mind possible heart palpitations, irritability, runny stool, and spending money on shit that does not work – at least not for the long term. But you already knew the answer to that question.
So tell me, do you have any other questions you may or may not really want to know the answers to? Feel free to ask, I’m full of helpful information.
About UnknownMami
I think that most people don’t want to know. I think this is why I lose friends when I answer questions. I try to warn them…but they just don’t listen.
Twitter Name: DExtraordinaire
It’s their fault for asking.
Twitter Name: Unknown Mami
And this…is why we can totally be BFF’s!
Twitter Name: DExtraordinaire
LOL.
Those are exactly the questions people want answered.
Nice job, mami.
Happy to see you here.
xo
Twitter Name: gdrpempress
Thank you, it’s nice to be here.
Twitter Name: Unknown Mami
Excellent answers!
On #3, whenever I’m tempted to try a new diet pill or fad diet, I ask myself, does Oprah still struggle with her weight? … If the answer is “yes” then that means the “miracle pill/method/diet” has not yet been discovered. If Oprah with all her money and resources still struggles, I’m pretty sure I won’t beat her to the finish line with some new $15 bottle of pills from Wally World ;)
Tracy, great minds think alike because I say the same thing about Oprah all the time to my mother when she is about to try some new pill. I was even going to write it as part of my answer here.
Twitter Name: Unknown Mami
Do looks really matter?
Twitter Name: msmegan
In an ideal world, no looks do not matter. In this world they seem to matter.
Twitter Name: Unknown Mami
I was always knew you had all the answers!
:-)
Traci
Twitter Name: tracisstar
That’s because you “get” me.
Twitter Name: Unknown Mami
Is a BLT still a great sandwich without the tomato?
I think it’s like a rum and coke without the coke which is still good.
Add extra bacon and it’s even better.
Twitter Name: Unknown Mami
Hahahaha, this is true. I’ve never had a fat ass, and never had to ask, because I knew the answer.
I always tell myself that my ass makes the pants looks small. I’m doing the pants a favor.
Twitter Name: Unknown Mami
“Are you going to eat that?” Yes, probably, only now with guilt or irritation.
That is a good one!
Twitter Name: Unknown Mami
Very insightful, thanks. As I suspected, I am not my parent’s favorite. :0(
Twitter Name: nibblesnfeasts
This is why I never ask these questions! Funny…
You are wise and obviously have a great sense of humor.
Twitter Name: Unknown Mami