The first time I saw someone blathering on their blue tooth headset, I thought she was a schizophrenic. We were in the bathroom at an airport in Atlanta and she was standing there, washing her hands and talking to herself in the mirror. At the time, I was doing my psych rotation for nursing school, so it’s no surprise that I burst from the bathroom to tell my friend, “HOLY SHIT LOOK AT CRAZY MCPANTS!”
Calmly, my friend informed about this new technology that allowed for “hands-free” talking.
What. The. Fuck?
I started seeing these people out more and more, talking on their “hands-free” headsets. With every advancement in technology, they looked more and more ridiculous. Half of my friends walked around with what appeared to be a tiny penis in their ear, just WAITING for the next call to come in.
I had a friend in high school whose mother refused to pick up the phone when the call waiting buzzed. She thought it was rude to interrupt a phone call which at the time was annoying, but now I see her point. Guess I’m turning into an old fart.
I digress.
When these people with these tiny ear penises (penii?) walked around, begging for someone to call them to ensure they’d have reason to look like a blue douche, I flashed back to my friend’s mother and was horrified by how far we’d come. We’d gone from finding call waiting a rude interruption to basically stating, “this call is bound to be more interesting than you.”
Which I suppose if they were talking to me would be true.
I resisted the ear penis for as long as I could. I mocked my friends who insisted on wearing them everywhere by trying to order a cheeseburger, fries, and large Diet Coke every five minutes.
I was sent a brand new ear penis a couple of months ago for work. I kept hoping for the day that I would suddenly find a use for the tiny piece of annoying technology. The day when I, too, would say, “You know what? I SHOULD wear this tiny ear penis all day, every day.”
That day has never come.
I suppose I’ll keep on waiting to get my OWN blue douchery on.
Until then, “CAN I HAVE A LARGE DIET COKE, A HOT DOG AND FRIES, PLEASE?”
About Aunt Becky
Okay, I talk to myself… a lot. If anyone’s around, I usually keep it to a minimum and then, under my breath. If I happen to speak out loud or I am asked for clarification, I just wave my hand and say something like, “oh, I’m just taking to myself” and, usually it’s over. I’m the only one embarassed because someone has accidentally overheard a private conversation.
So, when someone near me speaks OUT LOUD in a conversational tone and I answer them, how is it that they feel it’s okay to shoot me a dirty look and turn away? They wear a device designed to be pretty discrete and then talk out loud to no one, and I’m being rude?
Great post – I had a similar experience the first time I saw one of these, except he was an investment banker on an escalator and I thought he’d finally made his last trade. It was weeks later when I realized what had actually been going on.
Whenever I see someone walking around with them, I just want to grab them by the shoulder and scream, “You are NOT that important”. If you were, you’d have people to answer your phone for you and more people to stand in line at Starbucks, instead of standing there annoying me.
Twitter Name: mamabear_ca
For what it’s worth — I have a really nice douchetooth — a Jawbone Icon which fits in my ear and is relatively undetectable since it doesn’t have any flashing blue lights. When I need to take a call, it’s comfortable and convenient.
But I also use it to listen to podcasts on my iPhone. It’s far more convenient than putting on a set of headphones, and I can control the volume that much more easily. But it also makes me look like the douchiest douche around when I’m just … wearing it. And people think that I’m simply waiting for a call.
I guess I should hold out for the fully invisible ones…
Twitter Name: mr_shiny
Of course I had to check.
Twitter Name: BloggerFather
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2139/what-is-the-plural-of-penis
Twitter Name: BloggerFather
Yep. I’m totally going to date myself, but the first time I saw someone wearing a Walkman in the 80′s (from my crib, of course), I thought “Oh, I’m sorry, are we boring you out here in the real world?”
The only time I have worn a douche is when I was driving or on a phone/computer conference. But it’s horribly uncomfortable. The little penni doesn’t fit in my ear.
Twitter Name: serial_writer
The little penis is definitely handy but I don’t keep it in all the time. I don’t even keep my cell phone with me all the time. I do carry it but often leave it in the car (while I’m grocery shopping, etc.). I can answer my cell like a normal person (unless I’m driving) and put my blue tooth in when I need to. I’m also annoyed by the people who talk on theirs and look AT YOU while you’re in the grocery store, etc. and you’re like, “Are you talking to me? Are you on your phone? WTH are you doing?”
Twitter Name: HeatherSchiavo
I don’t have one and I don’t think I ever will. Several years ago, the “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” guys said, “A cellphone is NOT an accessory. Do NOT wear it on your belt.” They didn’t address the Blue Douche, but I think it’s safe to assume that they’d feel the same way!