My daughter Nuha and I have great conversations on our trips to the museum.
“Hey, Nuha, look at this one, this is by an artist from France.”
“What’s France?”
“A country.”
“What’s a country?”
“A place where people speak the same language, eat the same kinds of food and wear the same kinds of clothes.”
“America is not a country then.”
“No, America is a country…”
“People dress different. And they eat different foods. And they look different,”
“Well, America is kind of special like that.”
“Oh, we’re better because we’re special.”
I flash forward twenty years and see my daughter holding up a poster with the words, “If you don’t love America, get the hell out” MINUS the sense of irony.
“Um, no…”
“Oh, we’re worse than France…”
“NO WAAAY… ”
“Where is France?”
“In Europe.”
“What’s Europe?”
“A continent.”
“What’s a continent?”
“A continent is a piece of land that different countries are a part of… like, we live in North America.”
“Oh, they named the continent after us.”
“Um. Yes. No. Wait… I don’t know…”
“DID THEY NAME THE CONTINENT AFTER US OR NOT?”
“I DON’T KNOW.”
The other patrons of the museum are now laughing at me.
“Who made continents?”
“God, I guess.”
“Why?”
“Because, you know, he could… and, I guess, so people could live on them, so, um, we would have a place to live.”
I now foolishly assume that I have (a) dodged a major bullet and (b) ended the conversation.
“What did he make the continents out of?”
“Rocks…”
“How did he make the rocks stick together?”
Now the other patrons have stopped laughing and started pitying.
“I…uh, that’s a great question… ”
“He used Play-Doh.”
“No, I don’t th-”
“He used Play-Doh. Brown play-doh, so we couldn’t see it.”
“I don’t think God used Play-Doh to stick rocks together to make continents.”
“Yes, he did. I was there.”
“Oh, you were there? Really?” I say way more sarcastically than appropriate.
“Yes, it was before you were born,”
“I was born before you.”
“It was when I was up in heaven, you weren’t there, I saw him use Play Doh to stick the rocks together…”
“Come on, honey, you didn’t…”
“I WAS THERE, IT WAS BEFORE YOU WERE BORN, I SAW HIM DO IT.”
This is the point in the conversation where the other patrons begin handing me cards with the names of psychiatrists on them.
“Okay, fine. Look this painting is of a flower.”
“What’s a flower…”
This is the point in the conversation where I wish I had just taken her to the Magic Kingdom instead.
About Faiqa Khan
Hilarious. This exact same convo could’ve happened between me and my son Nino. You gotta record some of these and play them back for her later. xoxox
I’m going to have to meet Nuha at some point. She sounds absolutely delightful. We’ll ask questions together!
Twitter Name: andsalman
i love your daughter.
and i want to know why you think we are waaaay worse than france.
Twitter Name: hellohahanarf
Damn smart kids! They don’t prep you for this stuff in childbirth class…the God, sex and meaning of life questions…that start when they are 4!!! My daughter asked me how babies get IN the mommy’s belly in the middle of the $1 store since her kindergarten teacher was about to have a baby. Two older ladies the next aisle over started laughing their heads off. I’d already had to explain how they get out, vajay-jay and all, a few weeks before. I was in the Dollar Store for God’s sake. “Love. Magic and Love, honey.”
Twitter Name: HeatherSchiavo
When she said she was there, you should have started asking HER all kinds of questions.
Twitter Name: msmegan
When my 5 yo was trying to understand the country concept he started describing things as Americany. He gets frustrated when things aren’t exclusively Americany, but he’s pretty sure video games and hot dogs are.
I officially have the giggles thinking about God playing with Playdoh.
Twitter Name: julieinthelou
From the mom of one genius to the mom of another..”I feel your pain”.
It is exactly the same with me. What makes it tough is that it never stops. I have some answers but then there are the questions where I have to go check the birth records to make sure he is only 6 (almost 7).
To be clear, I realize this is not the point of your post, but seriously, this is elementary school. America (the continent) and henceforth North America, Central and South America are named after italian cartographer Amerigo Vespucius or Amerigo Vespucci.
But what does the inside of a dolphin look like?
Twitter Name: missbritt
Boy do I miss Nuha…a lot!!! Lilly and I were having a conversation just like this last night. I was trying to explain what Pilgrims were and why we celebrate Thanksgiving. Just as we were getting past the discussion about how the “Indians (who are now called Native Americans)” helped the Pilgrims make it through the winter, my husband adds that she needs to remember that the Pilgrims were coming her to avoid religious persecution. Really? She’s SIX…I was just glad that I didn’t have to go into discussing what makes up “America” and why we don’t call them “Indians” anymore! Jeesh. I think I liked it better a few years ago when the tough questions were “why is the sky blue?!!” lol! At least it keeps us on our toes! ;)
laughing so hard. My 13 year old likes to often tell us about the time before our 16 year old was born.
Twitter Name: DExtraordinaire