6 Ways to Spin ‘We’re Broke’ to the Kids

You’re broke. Dude, me too. What if we — with two full bags of pennies in hand — hired a PR firm to spin our broke ass woes to the kids. You know, made being broke into a fun activity that we circled on the calendar right next to pick-your-own pumpkin and zombie apocalypse.

Why Liz, you schyster, that’s a great idea. 

I know, right. So, let’s have at it.

1.  It’s Colonial Weekend!
No lights, no problem. We’re kicking it old, old school and going colonial. Grab a few pages from your printer and call it parchment, chase some birds for a feather, and show your kids how you grew up. Confirm what they always suspected: you grew up in the dark ages.

2.  It’s National Rabbit Ear Week/Month/Year/However long it takes
When the kids are all: i love wascally wabbits, you’ll have to let them down a little that these ears are not actually attached to a rabbit. Unless they want to, you know, set off the Future Serial Killer alarm. Compared to murder, no cable looks pretty sweet.

3.  Your Sticker Chart Can Now Be Found On The Car
Everyone does smiley faces and Yo Gabba Gabba stickers for a job well done. Teach your kids that the best kind of stickers to have are the ones that come with a month and a year. Let them know there’s psychedelic holograms (i.e., hidden pictures) unlocked each time they find one and affix to the driver side window and/or license plate.

4.  Lunch Specials at School
Lunch for 40 cents! What a deal. Confirms to the children that it is possible to, as Gramps said, not spend their dollar all in one place.

5.  The Ultimate Game of Hide & Seek
It’s time to hit the pavement and look for the car. There’s no talk of repossession here. Absolutely not. They hid, the family seeks. Winner takes car. Motivation: someone took your sticker chart!

6.  Play Cash Register at the Grocery Store
That just approved application comes with a shiny new card you can now swipe through the machine without having to do the insufficient funds walk of shame. Kids: we’re about to get all Supermarket Sweep up in this bitch. Let them pick, unload and pay. Because anyone even thinking about bringing the eye rolls and huffs upon children playing cash register will think twice for fear of asshole scorn.

See, there really is a use for all them Abe Lincolns.

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