Have you ever thought something was true, then eventually found out it wasn’t? My friend coined a good term for it — living a lie. After all, like a liar, you’re armed with false information. You may not be intentionally lying, but you’re still living a lie.
Then there are those things which the general public pretends are true, even though deep down inside, we know they’re not. Kinda like the Emperor’s new clothes. The dude was naked. Only everyone pretended like he wasn’t. And my, oh my, how I wish that we’d stop pretending the following three things were true. Because they’re not.
1. Joe Paterno is actively coaching Penn State. I’m tipping my cap to JoePa for what he’s done. But at 84, he’s not doing it anymore. All head coaches delegate responsibility. That’s their job. But it’s pretty clear that the Penn State “head coach” has delegated every last thing there is for a coach to do. Especially when you consider this: of the team’s first four games, he spent three and a half of them in the press box due to (yet another) injury he sustained when a player collided with him in practice. The man’s an icon. Not a coach.
2. Hugh Hefner is still money with the ladies. I know what you’re thinking. I’m bent against old people. But you’re wrong. I’m just bent against pretending something’s true when it’s not. And my first two examples just happen to be a coupla octogenarians. This one hurts a bit. Because I don’t mean to hate on Hef. But I’m also not gonna be one of the countless who pretends his relationships / engagements / called-off weddings to mega hotties 60 years his junior are even remotely legitimate. At the end of the day, he’s a pretty old dude rocking a reasonably lame velvet jacket, not some wood-laying Casanova.
3. Marc Anthony is hot. Ladies, I already called out the fellas and made them admit that Fergie’s a butterface, so why don’t all y’all do us a favor and quit pretending like Marc Anthony is hot. Because he’s not. He’s like 5 foot 6 inches and weighs a buck twenty. Soaking wet. (I’m short, too. Yet, alas, I don’t have legions of women who faint whenever I walk by with a rose in my mouth.) Let’s face it. Marc Anthony is a poor woman’s Pepe Le Pew. Only Pepe could probably rock a much more legitimate goatee than the Latino crooner. Still, I’m giving it up for the guy all day long. He was married to J. Lo and is rumored to be rubbing Jada’s Pinkett. Not bad work for a pipsqueak with greasy hair.
What else should we stop pretending?
Image courtesy of miggell1 via Creative Commons.