I was at a wedding filled with doctors last weekend, and someone asked if I was in medicine. I answered, “No, I’m in parenting.”
It sounded a little dicky after I said it, but, I mean, I’ve been parenting pretty intensively since my twin girls were born two years ago, and I read a lot about parenting, and I write about it a lot too. I’m like an expert and shit.
That’s why I’m pretty sure I’m not wrong about this.
In all my reading about kids (some academic stuff, but mostly other–ahem–experts all up on the internets), I find that people generally look at children as financial liabilities and hindrances to their productivity.
I had an epiphany recently that contradicts these assumptions.
I was cleaning up after a home carpentry project one weekend, and the kids had been kicked out of the house because they were interfering with my wife’s dinner preparation. They toddled back to the garage and started messing around with the scraps of lumber and dragging my tools (“Daddy toys,” they call them) around.
Instead of shooing them away, I started directing them, but using my “let’s play a game” voice instead of my “STOP RUINING MY LIFE” voice.
“Can you throw that piece of wood in the blue garbage can? Oh boy! So big! Wow!”
“Can you carry Daddy’s Skilsaw up the hill and put it under the deck? Wow! So strong! No, you can do it, sweetie. Just keep trying…I know it’s heavy. Just take a little break and then pick it up again.”
“Yay! Sweeping up sawdust is FUN! Don’t worry about your the dust in your eyes, punkin; the tears will wash them out.”
Here’s what the parenting blogs and magazines don’t tell you. Kids like to work. If you don’t exploit nourish that instinct in them, you’re doing them and yourself a disservice.
I used to fret about which school to send my kids to, but now I have it figured out: vocational homeschooling. By the time these kids are 18, they’ll know carpentry, plumbing, electrical work, and maybe auto body. They’ll be way more employable than their book-learned peers. We’ll travel to craft fairs and sell our furniture and charming knick-knacks until they’re old enough (ten or so) to get their own jobs.
And more importantly than their secure futures, they will have the sense of accomplishment that comes with having put food on their family’s table since they were toddlers.
Of course, we’ll need a network of like-minded parents so the kids aren’t too isolated. So, who’s with me? Are you teaching your kids any marketable skills? Or at least getting them to shoulder some of your workload?
About BetaDad
We dance in this house. Not because it’s fun and an enjoyable exercise to keep young, growing bodies in good physical shape, but because pole dancing and stripping are good fallback careers just in case they don’t succeed in secretly hacking millions of dollars into their personal bank accounts.
Twitter Name: JWMoxie
Duh. Why didn’t I think of that. We dance too, but if they learn their moves from me, they’re not going to make many tips at the strip club. Can I drop them off at your place a couple times a week?
In all seriousnessness, I HATE matching socks, especially the white ones. With such a big family, we have no fewer than 50-60 varied pairs of white socks.
“HEY, KIDS! It’s time for the sock-matching contest again! I’ll dump all these socks into a pile. Make as many matches as you can as FAST as you can and keep them in separate piles. When they’re all matched, we’ll count to see who made the most pairs. The winner gets an ice cream cone from McDonald’s.”
All you parents out there can have that one for free.
Twitter Name: JWMoxie
Great idea. I think they’re getting close to being old enough to fold laundry.
You are a genius, J-Dub. Can I marry you?
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
Hahahaha! I do NOT feel so bad anymore for making my son fetch me the remote.
Hey. They’re *learning stuff* whenever you get them to do something for them.
Absolutely. My wife actually guilts me into NOT hiring a contractor…”you’re just not trying hard enough. You can do it yourself!”. I’m all about training the younguns in at least one trade. Maybe at least 2 per child…electrical, plumbing, rough carpentry, and welding. Particle Physics and soccer doesn’t pan out; go with journeyman. Drama and microbiology don’t get you going; try your welding skills.
Welders can always find work. Especially if they learn underwater welding.
I think you should expand this post into a whole manual for new parents. Not only would it be helpful to all those directionless newbies out there wasting their time playing with Megablocks and Chicken Dance Elmo, it could make your family millions. Win-Win.
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
If you do this, then you CANNOT have my sock thing for free.
I’m just sayin’.
Twitter Name: JWMoxie
@JWMoxie–I’ll let you write the chapter on socks and you can get a cut of the sales. Deal?
Hells yes! I’ll have the girls bind all the copies of the book by hand too. Teach ‘em another skill.
I find “Who wants to…” works wonders. “Who wants to unload the dishwasher?!?!” is always followed by a chorus of me-me’s. Then I pick one and the other kid cries and I say, “Don’t worry, you can sweep the bathroom!” Then I have bonbons.
Twitter Name: ladyjess78
Mmmm…bonbons.