My Dog Can Totally Eat Underwear Faster than Your Dog


Meet Barney.

She is pretty much a picture perfect dog. When taking her for walks I have people stop their cars to tell me what a beautiful dog she is and to ask where I got her. Which is totally not creepy at all, by the way. Aside from her picture perfection she has a few little quirks; the biggest of which is the underwear eating.

Do you know how expensive underwear is? Especially when you are forced into buying it when it’s not on sale. I tried to save money and just buy the cheapest underwear I could find because the dog is just going to eat it anyway. Let’s just say with two teenage girls, that didn’t go over well.

I wrote a plea to her on my blog begging her to stop with the all of the underwear eating. While I don’t claim that my dog can read or that she subscribes to my blog in some fashion, the underwear eating stopped for a bit. Then I realized that neither of the girls had cleaned their room for a while and it wasn’t that the underwear eating stopped, but that the dog didn’t have access to the goods. Dirty, clean, she doesn’t really care. I have seen her snatch underwear out of the dryer to get her underwear fix.

She is nearly a year old, I don’t see this stopping anytime soon. In fact, I think she is perfecting her method. Because the speed at which she can completely destroy the crotch in a pair of underwear is quite impressive. Does David Letterman still do Stupid Pet Tricks?  Clearly, I have a candidate. The upside is that if something should happen to my family I know that I won’t be embarrassed by the condition of their underwear, unless of course I forgot to get to the store after Barney went on a rampage.

So if you are reading this and have connections to underwear manufactures, I want to be your new BFF. If you have advice, please feel free to share it. Just realize that we won’t be putting hot sauce or bitter spray on the underwear, because well, we do have to wear it.

About Anissa Mayhew

You can read more Anissa at her blog Free Anissa and as a contributing writer at Babble. She's at Twitter, FacebookG+, and Pinterest too. And yes, she's probably up to no good either.

 

Comments

  1. Yeah, cayenne pepper would probably be a little uncomfortable. The good news is he doesn’t eat bras. Those are REALLY REALLY expensive. Um, good luck with Barney the underwear eating cute dog!

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  2. Laura says:

    Our dogs enjoys underwear as well. Now we have a baby gate up in the hall leading to the bedrooms and one in the laundry room so she’s never near underwear unsupervised.

    • We keep the doors to the floors were underwear would be easily eaten closed, but sadly family members often don’t shut the doors and then she gets access and our laundry room isn’t so much of a room as an area in the basement so if someone forgets to shut the basement door….

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  3. Karri says:

    It’s a gateway drug… next she’ll be onto pants.

    My beagle has this bad habit w/underwear, but he’s also eaten the crotch out of 2 pair of my jeans. GRRRRR!!!

  4. LINDA PAYNE says:

    And I thought just our dog did it! I feel so much better now.

  5. I’m very sorry to have to tell you this, Heather, but our dogs are 7 and 9 and underwear is still their meal of choice. Just thank your lucky stars that you have only one consumer in your home. Because things are often wide open and breezy around here, if you know what I mean.

  6. Unknown Mami says:

    You totally need an underwear sponsor.

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  7. Shauna says:

    I thought I was the only one. My dog just licks dirty underwear, he hasn’t thought to eat it yet. That has to be one of the most disgusting sentences I’ve ever written! It is the most disgusting thing when I hear a nasty, licking noise and wake up to him licking my underwear in the middle of the night.

    • Shauna says:

      Oh gross, that totally look like I meant he licks it while it’s ON me. That is not the case. I do keep it in a hamper, but he has been known to knock it over to get the dirty underwear! That and, my husband isn’t always as good at actually putting the clothes in there. Just had to clarify that my dog isn’t as perverted as I just made him sound.

      • I am dying of laughter here….I totally didn’t read it that way until you said something and I laughed even harder.

        Glad to know your dog isn’t a total pervert, just a typical dog one based on comments that our dogs aren’t the only crotch eaters.

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  8. amy bradstock says:

    I SOOOOOO read it that way. I was gonna say “Why don’t you just shove him away or something??” lol

  9. Julie Ann says:

    lol- my dog (age 3) is the Same way!! She will sneak in the bathroom while I’m in the shower and steal them! By the time I’m done showering, they’re ruined and she doesn’t try to hide them at all! Sometimes she doesn’t even make it back to the couch with the pair, as I find them crotchless in the kitchen or even right outside the bathroom door. Maybe I should get her her own doggie sized panties she can wear herself and it won’t be such a novel thing to go around stealing ours!

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