Last week, I fessed up about my ridiculous relationship with the UPS guy, and I thought that was about it for my mail-related issues. It turns out I was wrong about that, though. Apparently, I not only put on make-up for the UPS guy, but I also feel compelled to lie to the mailman about my work schedule. I have issues.
Being that I primarily work from home, and, as we’ve previously covered, I often work throughout most of my day in greater and lesser states of dishevelment, I am not always as showered and good-looking as I am when I leave the house. I was in such an unshowered state this afternoon when the mailman knocked on my door to give me a package that was too large for my box.
And that’s no pun, dirty bird.
Knock, knock, knock.
“Hello?” I said.
“Hi. I have some oversized mail for you,” the mailman said.
I peered through a crack in the door and LIED, “You always seem to come just when I’m waking up.”
“I do,” he said, laughing.
“I work the late shift,” I LIED AGAIN.
“Sorry for waking you up.”
“No problem,” I said. “I don’t sleep past one in the afternoon, anyway.”
I wake up early in the morning with my husband, and I most definitely do not work this so-called late shift, which means that I’ve moved from doing a slap-dash make-up and hair job to avoid scaring the UPS guy to outright lying about an alternate life story to apologize for myself to the mailman. What’s next? A wig and a fake nose? Elevated shoes and a set of flipper teeth?
I know that there is a simple fix for my growing issues with delivery people, which would be to start showering in the morning rather than at four in the afternoon, but that’s a whole shift of priorities from coffee and naps to productivity, and I just don’t know that that is going to happen.
Do you lie to strangers to cover your own butt? Please say yes. Back me up, here.