This article has nothing at all to do with the fact that I JUST SOLD A KIDNEY to pay for my son’s birthday party. It’s just that “retro chic” is rocking the fashion world and I am down with that! If we can wear platform shoes and cat-eye glasses, why can’t we go back in time for the prices joys of simpler kids birthday parties! I say we can! And now I will stop using exclamation points! Or maybe not!
2011 Party: Wanda’s Winter Wonderland (in July!) Precious little Wanda is turning 4! What an accomplishment! Haul in a truckload of fake snow for front-yard sledding, serve venison burgers and Vosges Haut hot chocolate, kids go home with goodie bag of Carradan skis personally autographed by Picabo Street.
Retro Party: Wanda’s Winter Wonderland (in January!) Have the neighborhood kids over for little Wanda’s 4th and a half-th birthday in a real blizzard! Bone-chilling fun! Serve whatever you managed to grab at the A&P before it closed due to extreme weather conditions. Kids go home with a hot baked potato stuffed into their mitten and a lecture about helping to shovel the snow so that their parents don’t drop dead of a heart attack in the driveway.
2011 Party: Sammy’s Sleepover at FAO Schwartz! Get picked up in a limo and driven to the mother of all toy stores, FAO Schwartz. Run screaming through the Expensive Fragile Doll Floor with the understanding that “whatever you break, Sammy’s Daddy buys!” Eat free-range hot dogs barbecued by real elves flown in from the ‘Pole and snooze in endangered species duck down sleeping bags. Go home with goody bag full of replacement toys for all the ones you broke.
Retro Party: Sammy’s Sleepover at Mrs. Schwartz’s house! Sammy’s Daddy’s “friend” Mrs. Schwartz has said that Sammy’s Mommy is no fun and sure, all his 9-year old buddies can sleep over at her bungalow! (Including Sammy’s Daddy! What a nice lady!) Eat hot dogs and drink “Harvey Wallbangers” which taste kinda like orange juice but make your head fuzzy and suddenly it looks like there are three nice Mrs. Schwartzes. Go home with a goody bag of small thin balloons in individual wrappers and a worn copy of the Kama Sutra.
So what do you say, parents? Are we going to give in to the ‘Tween Eyebrow Threading Birthday Gala or the 17 Separate Bouncy Castles Extravaganza or will we put our feet down and make them play Pin the Tail On The Same Donkey From Our Older Brother’s Party Six Months Ago? I say it’s time to kick it old school! With exclamation points!