I am a deep well of useful knowledge. I can help you conserve water by reducing your need to bathe and, as I will demonstrate today, I can help you fool people you will never see again into thinking you are intelligent. The opinion of strangers is worth courting, after all, especially strangers in a big city where you can pretty much guarantee they are cooler than you.
Step 1: wear glasses.
Everyone knows people with glasses are smarter than people without glasses.
See how smart I look while trying to examine my own elbows? GLASSES!
Step 2: always be reading.
Everyone knows that people with glasses damaged their eyes by spending countless hours pouring over white papers and important pieces of literature. Affirm this stereotype by carrying reading material with you at all times.
Of course, people will pay attention to the type of reading material you’re carrying. Your glasses set you apart as a smart person and the strangers want to know what smart people read. If they catch you with the latest issue US Weekly, your intelligence may be called into question. It is also not wise to grab the free paper from the hotel to use as a prop on your train ride to the airport, because that paper is dated and everyone will know that you’re just now getting around to looking at a two-day old paper. Smart people are current, yo.
The solution, obviously, is to carry an e-reader of some type with you at all times. The Kindle, Nook, or – if you’re smart and rich – an iPad. Now no one will know that your furrowed brow is the result of a heinous bikini photo on your favorite celebrity gossip blog. You’re street cred as a smart person with total strangers is in tact.
You’re welcome.
About Britt Reints
oh GOOD.
I must look supersmart then too :-)
here’s hoping I can keep up the facade…
Excellent I just got my first pair of new glasses in 20yrs and I’m wearing them. Blog reading = reading all the time right?
Wait. I want to know why you’re examining your elbows. Do smart people have special elbows???
Twitter Name: Whatsananna
Shoot – you mean I don’t look smart when I pretend to read my eight year old Verizon phone that doesn’t connect to the internet??
Twitter Name: momadabsurdum
Glad to know glasses make me look smart. I only wear them at work, or in the airport so people don’t talk to me while I’m reading. Now I get it!
A British accent is the cherry on top. Just a good tip for people who move their lips when they read.
Twitter Name: cannibal_nerd
The book thing totally works. I read all the time, and when I’m reading in a bar, people will ask me to settle arguments for them, like I’m King Solomon or something.
Twitter Name: escameron