Have you ever talked yourself out of doing something you really wanted to just because someone else said you’d suck at it? This doesn’t happen so much anymore, but when I was a kid, I’d sometimes let others’ opinions of me shatter my own opinion of myself. Instead of shutting them out, I gave the haters my power.
When I was in the 8th grade, I wanted to be on the Sweetheart Court. In my school, you didn’t have to be nominated to participate. All you had to do was fill out an application and get your permission slip signed. Then the student body would vote for which girl on the court they wanted to be “Ms. Sweetheart.” The winner would be announced at the dance. I mentioned my excitement about it to a friend, and he said, “You won’t win, so what’s the point?” I was deflated. I never even turned in my application. The funny thing is that I never even cared if I won Ms. Sweetheart; I just thought that being on the Court would be fun. Because of the words of one hater, I feared that others might also think I was a failure. I was too afraid to participate even though I really wanted to, and I was too shy to tell my “friend” to kiss my butt.
My little sister, however, is a good example of rocking your moxie and just letting the haters hate. When she was in the 8th grade, I was in my first year of teaching at the same middle school she attended. She decided to try-out for the cheerleading team and was almost instantly subjected to some serious hatin’: You’re too fat. You’ll never make it. Only ‘skinny’ girls can be cheerleaders. We’ll never see YOU at the top of a pyramid.
Of course, this hurt her deeply. I couldn’t help but think back to my own 8th grade experience. I knew how she felt, and I didn’t want her to make the same mistake I did. So here’s what I told her:
Haters are gonna hate, so let ‘em. Through your life, there will always be haters who will try to tell you what you can’t do. You can’t live your life keeping yourself from your goals just because you let yourself be convinced that you’re not worthy. Focus your time and energy on your goals and not on what the haters say.
She tried out. She not only made the team, but she also got one of the highest scores and became the team co-captain.
I give you the same message: haters are gonna hate no matter what. Let them drink their Hatorade and then choke on it when you prove them wrong.
Photo Credit: J-Dub Moxie made it. Word.
About JW Moxie
Love this, love your attitude, love you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Twitter Name: JWMoxie
It’s always the haters that end up working at 7-11 where they can sell Hatorade full time after they fail out of community college.
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
Hatorade slushies are good when they’re mixed with Coke slushies.
Twitter Name: JWMoxie
Yes, let them hate and realize that following others is not always the best thing to do. Be an individual.
Exactly.
Twitter Name: JWMoxie
“Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated.”
Coretta Scott King quotes
Word, Alice! You’re always one to drop some knowledge!
Twitter Name: JWMoxie
I moved to a new place right before I started high school. After my first semester of freshman year when the class rankings came out, I was number two. I took all the most challenging classes I could and got A’s in all of them, but I got a B in gym.
I was not a great athlete by any stretch of the imagination, but I always participated and tried — which is what my grade was supposed to be based on — so I talked to the gym teacher about it. Her explanation of my grade made it very clear that she was basing my grade on the participation of another girl in my class with the same first name, but she wouldn’t hear my objections. So the B stuck, and I was number two.
I overheard a couple of freshman guys talking the day rankings came out. One of them said, “I’m glad Megan [my last name] isn’t number one.” The other guy concurred. It hurt. A lot. It just seemed so unfair for them to hate on me like that; I’d never done anything to either of them. But looking back, it’s pretty clear that they were just jealous of my skillz and resented that the new girl was smarter than all of them.
Anyway, I made sure the gym teachers knew who I was after that, and I never got a B in gym again. I can’t say it won me any friends — there were plenty of people who begrudged me my academic successes pretty much all the way through high school — but I didn’t let the hating make me back down from doing my best. At the end of freshman year when rankings came out again (and every semester after that), I was number one. I graduated valedictorian.
And when I went to college — the exact college I wanted to go to on a full-tuition scholarship — I met plenty of awesome people who thought it was cool that I was smart.
LOVED IT, Megan! You always tell the best stories. I’m so glad you shared this here!
Twitter Name: JWMoxie
Yay for your sister, and for the great advice you gave her.
I’ma give it to my own daughter. Words and actions of haters say so much more about them than about their hatees.
Twitter Name: LavLuz
You’re completely right, Lori. That last sentence just says it all, doesn’t it?
Twitter Name: JWMoxie
I wish I lived this mantra as a youth, but fortunately I got the message in my early twenties… And it sure felt good to not limit myself and put the Haters in their place once and for all.
Great post!
It’s never too late to give the haters a view of your back as you leave them in the dust!
Twitter Name: JWMoxie
I wish you’d been my big sister.
I have a younger one, so she wasn’t in a position to give me pep talks in middle school. Also, I’m pretty sure I’m older than you are.
Still. Your words of wisdom would have helped me decades ago.
I always had a paralyzing need to be liked. The idea of ignoring the fact that someone “hated” me – was not an option.
As a result, I cared more about pleasing others than pleasing myself for most of my life.
So. This lesson you’re teaching here?
It’s valuable.
I still think it’s worth trying to be nice; to put our best selves out there to the world; to be positive, supportive, kind.
But if someone doesn’t like it?
Get behind me.
Or something like that.
XO
Twitter Name: julie gardner
I could be your little big sister. Or big littler sister.
Howzabout we just say that we’re twins? :)
“I still think it’s worth trying to be nice; to put our best selves out there to the world; to be positive, supportive, kind.”
Amen, sister. Leading by example is always the best policy, but if that doesn’t work…well, leave ‘em in the dust and then move on and hope that they catch up eventually.
Twitter Name: JWMoxie
You are a great big sister! Your advice is awesome and I will steal it for my daughter. I actually think I came by my attitude because I had a sister who was/is a hater and I learned very early to ignore her and get on with life. My girl won’t have that (which is good on the hater front, bad on the sibling front), so she’ll have to find a different way to build up her shell.
You don’t have to steal it; it’s yours for the taking! That’s exactly what Miss Unlimited is all about.
As much as it sucks, it’s likely that your daughter will have enough hater experiences in school to help thicken that shell of hers. At least she has a great mom to give her the support she’ll need. *wink*
Twitter Name: JWMoxie
I didn’t have folks hatin on me as far as I know. If they did, they sure as hell didn’t tell me.
Which brings me to my point. People will take power over you and your feelings if you allow them to. Yes, it hurts and yes you will cry, but like the commercial says, “never let em see you sweat.”
Sometimes taking a stand is all it takes to shut a hater down. I do understand things are a lot different today than they were back then but the mentality of folks that put others down is the same.
Sorry, Moxie… but your real badassedness showed the most when you laid ole boy out and OWNED him with your She-Ra lunchbox.
I’m sure they got the hint when you put the smackdown on that punk who kept trying to take your lunch money.
Twitter Name: JWMoxie
Can you elaborate on the She-Ra lunch box, please? Because I need a new hero since Bea Arthur kicked the bucket. Thank you!
Twitter Name: GaytheistGospel
I shall regale you with the Tale of the Pink She-Ra Lunchbox on my blog.
I started to leave the short version here, but as brevity is usually not my forte, it began to stretch into a full-blown blog post.
*I can be your hero, baby* < <– loathe that song.
Twitter Name: JWMoxie
YES! Love this, and the advice you gave your sister. And her triumph.
In college, a hater told me everyone in the dorm thought I walked really weird and swung my arms too hard.
I cried for a few hours in my cinder block walled room, then tried to not swing my arms so hard.
A few years later I found out this: Turns out some guy told hater he
liked the way I walked, and hater liked the boy.
Lori’s right: the actions and words of a hater reflect on them, not you.
Twitter Name: 2manyfish2fry
I REALLY loved this story, Jjiraffe. We can’t compromise ourselves for the sake of someone hating on us. Some of us just had to learn that the hard way, didn’t we?
At least we learned, though!
Twitter Name: JWMoxie
SO well said!
Good message to Misses of any age!
Twitter Name: momadabsurdum
Hatorade sucks. You’ve always gotta go for it, you might not always get it but at least you know you tried.
Twitter Name: Unknown Mami
I wish I had enough self confidence to live by that motto when I was younger. Your sister was lucky to have you teaching her that.
Twitter Name: dragondream
When I was in fifth grade, someone in my class informed me that the outfit I was wearing was not appropriate for me, despite being pretty much the same as what most of the other girls were wearing.
” can wear that ’cause she’s little, and pretty. But you’re big, fat and ugly.” I was all of 4’9″ tall and probably stick skinny because of the 3-days-a-week ballet classes, but the popular girl in class said I was big, fat and ugly, so it must have been true. I’m still working on feeling comfortable in my own skin and gaining a realistic vision of my own size.
Twitter Name: MamaKaren
This track back up there – that’s the Tale of the She-Ra Lunchbox, as promised!
Twitter Name: JWMoxie