"Life was perfect because we had each other."
We were walking to the beach the summer after our sophomore year in high school and some dude slowed his car down and said, “Hey, Charlie’s Angels, wanna hop in?”
We were smart, so we said no.
It was apt. A blonde, brunette, and brown haired girl… all different complexions. Like a United Colors of Benetton ad. We were pretty awesome on our own, but together? We were rock stars.
Life was perfect. It wasn’t that stuff that made life perfect, though. Life was perfect because we had each other.
When the brown haired girl’s boyfriend dumped her for someone who I will politely refer to as “easy”, she was devastated. The blond and I thought hard about what we could do to make the brown haired girl feel better. The answer was simple: crazy cupcakes.
First, we were just a little crazy… jelly beans and Twizzlers crazy.
Then we were super crazy… bubble gum and cookies crazy.
We made the ugliest cupcakes ever, knocked on the brown haired girl’s door and made her eat them with us. First, she laughed at our ugly cupcakes. Then she cried. Then we cried. And then the three of us laid across her twin bed and stared at the ceiling talking about how wonderful it was that we had each other.
This is one story of dozens.
We were best friends. More than that. We were like sisters.
Until one day we weren’t.
Our senior year in high school, something happened with some boy and everything went wrong. Suddenly, we weren’t Charlie’s Angels, but girls who politely waved at each from a distance. Or worse, girls who pretended not to hear the snide remarks our “new” friends made about our “old” friends.
Fifteen years later, I’m very close friends with both of them, but we are not a three like we once were. And I know that we never will be.
Older people tell younger people that none of this will matter twenty years from now. That’s not true. It does matter. It matters because you can choose how the ups and downs of your life right now will define who you are twenty years from now.
I chose to let that situation define me in a good way. All this around you? Is never going to happen again. Love this happy moment. Love the people you are with. Just be here with them right now and laugh, cry, hug, fight, whatever. Just be here. You never know.
That situation, as painful as it was, defined me.
You’re different than me. Your lessons will be different.
But.
That thing that happened to me fifteen years ago?
It mattered, a lot.
And I’m so glad.
About Faiqa Khan
The things in my past that hurt me and made me sad or angry also taught me how strong and resiliant to become. The things I lost made me realize what is precious. The wonderful, heart warming and uplifing things matter because they give me hope. It all matters, it just sometimes matters for a reason that you don’t realize until later.
Thank you for reminding me how much things matter. It’s easy to lose touch and forget.
Twitter Name: MamaKaren
This happened with me and two of my bridesmaids after my wedding. One of the girls was dating this truly awful guy, and I made the worst mistake a friend can make. I told her exactly what I thought of him. She quit talking to me almost immediately and the other girl was torn between us. It was really awful, and no apology was ever sufficient to bring us back together. Possibly because I was right. We talk now, but I know we will never be close like that again and it hurts sometimes.
My best friend was like my sister. We didn’t have a fight, we simply drifted apart as our lives went in different directions: Mine to college, hers to work and partying. By the time I got back, we were both different people. We see each other from time to time and catch up for a few minutes, but it’s not the same. It makes me sad at times, but it is what it is.
Twitter Name: msmegan
I still remember a “situation” in 7th grade that changed everything. I still tell that story to my daughter (repeatedly because that’s what moms do) and use it as an example of how quickly things said without thought can escalate into ugly situations and how mean girls can be to each other. I hope she will heed my words because while these things may blow over, they do have an impact on who you will become.
Twitter Name: Izzymom
Thank you for writing this, and I thank one of my FB friends for “liking” it so I would find it. I had a best friend similar to your friends while in high school. We were inseparable and cried and laughed together about boys, grades, dreams, etc. Our relationship helped shape the woman I became. We grew apart in college as she married her high school sweetheart and I went on to find my own path. I’m so thankful we found our way back to each other a few years later, but so sad at why… It took her cancer diagnosis to bring us back together. I can never get back the 10 years we were out of each other’s life, but I am so grateful to have rekindled our friendship and had the chance to laugh and cry with her again before she departed. I often find myself wishing I could still pick up the phone to tell her something only she would find hilarious, but your story helped me to remember to reflect on the wonderful times we did have together. I pray all young women find a kindred soul(s) to help shape the women they will become.
Now one of the Charlie’s Angels has an a-hole for a husband that makes the snide comments directly to you!
Twitter Name: latchkeymatt
I was one of three once too and it was a beautiful thing. We didn’t stay three, but I am so happy I got to experience it anyway.
Twitter Name: Unknown Mami
Female friendships can be complex and beautiful. Ever-changing and shifting. I never had a sister, but have always wanted one probably b/c of a void I’ve always felt. I’ve never been part of a trifecta like you were and always longed to be. I was often a loner, a victum of the mean girls. And now that I’m about to have 3 daughters? I’m terrified. But hopeful. I want them to have friends. I want them to never encounter mean girls. But it’s already happening. No matter what, I know they’ll always have each other. and hopefully that will be enough…
loved this, Faiqa.
Twitter Name: erinmargolin
What a great post and it’s good reminder for all of it does matter.
Also? Can I say I’m a little FREAKED OUT by my first post for MU? Not as brilliant as this!
Twitter Name: juliaroberts1
I had a tight group of girlfriends all through school, and then something happened the end of our senior year that changed everything. It was sad, but I learned a lot from that situation. I learned that I’m a lot stronger than I thought I was, and that if you’re not willing to stand up for yourself, then who will? I learned the value of a TRUE friend and what my friendship is worth. I’m STILL learning from this experience as I grow older.
I still talk to those girls from high school, but we’re not close anymore. It makes me sad that I don’t really have them anymore, but I know that they never really knew me at all. It made me much more selective about who I chose to spend my time with. And now I have a group of girlfriends I know would take a bullet for me, and I them. That’s totally worth it.
Twitter Name: escameron