My husband looks like he wants to hurt people. The fine print says, "Mostly because we are tired and lazy and don't have $ to spend on real costumes."
You’re going to a party with no children. You need a costume and you need it now. Let’s see… witches are lame. Mummies are too easy. And you don’t want to be that slutty McSlutterson girl who just adds cat ears and a tail to your lingerie. You need something quick and fun and affordable without being boring or taking the risk of exposing your nipples and stretched out tramp stamp to the wind.
Have no fear, I am here for your warped wardrobe needs .
Here are some easy ideas that you can throw together for a quick yet entertaining Halloween costume. (The asterik* means that I’ve worn this before).
- Holy shit*. Cut holes in some brown clothes. Wear a makeshift priest collar thingy or a halo.
- A Babysitter. Tape a baby doll to your ass.
- A Shooting Star*. Make a big ass star out of poster board. Tape it to your chest area. Then carry water guns around and shoot people OR you could get all intense and carry a glock and a shotgun. (Just don’t actually shoot people with that second option).
- A Party Pooper*. This is the easiest one. All you need to do is write Party Pooper on one of those “Hello, my name is” name tags (or just paper and tape) and wear it. If drunk people make fun of you tell them if they don’t shut up, you’ll literally poop on their party.
- If you’d like an option for a couples costume, I suggest going as Poop and Pee*. It’s pretty simple. Wear all yellow or all brown. Don’t add corn though- that’s over the line.
- A Uniporn. This is an idea I’ve had for awhile. I’m so proud of it but I know I don’t have enough courage to execute it. Wear a rubber penis on your forehead like a horn. That’s basically it. You could even make a tail out of yarn if you have some. Or some hooves out of construction paper. Bonus points if the rubber penis is sparkly.
About Robin Plemmons
Still trying to decide between babysitter and uniporn..laughing all the way through this.
Twitter Name: coffeeluvinmom
You can always change costumes half way through the party. Thanks, Amy!
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
I. Can’t. Lord above. UNIPORN. I love this.
I think you should do it. Get crazy, Amber.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Another easy Halloween costume using a dildo as a prop is “Priapus,” simply wear the dildo pointing through your pants fly, and let people know that Thou art God. A god who does goats, but a God nonetheless!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Priapus
Twitter Name: pixiespocket
I just dry heaved a little. Thanks! ;)
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Contrary to your FB status may say… this was great. A great laugh. I love the shooting star and I think whether or not you shoot on the 2nd option should be in direct relation to the food provided at the party. Chocolate cheesecake present? Ok then, everyone gets to live.
Excellent point. Only a bowl of Cheetos? No one’s safe.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
My fallback easy Halloween costume is The Walk of Shame. The only downside is having to explain it to the teenaged babysitter (oh, she’ll find out soon enough), and your kids.
If I can think of a way to secure the rubber penis I may or may not have to my forehead, I’m doing this uniporn shiz. F’ing brilliant.
One year I sewed a letter P to my shirt and put black paint around my eye to be…Fergie, I guess. Some terribly observant woman read me the riot act in the parking lot of a Kmart because she thought I was dressed as a battered woman. That’s what I get for going to Kmart.
Twitter Name: julieinthelou
Uniporn is hilarious! My husband would totally wear that!
Twitter Name: RandomBlogette
These are great, funny and easy. I think I’m going to make my husband be a shooting star with me.
Twitter Name: tulsaartspot
“One night stand” is another option- put something on your shouldlers (posterboard or whatever) to make a bit of a table top surface (your nightstand, get it?) and put a condom wrapper, matchbook/napkin with a smudged phone number, etc.
Twitter Name: MamaKaren
Fuck you halloween is over :P