My four-year old is obsessed with scatological humor. You know, poop jokes?
It all started when he was two. There we were, merrily walking around The Target, singing that “C is For Cookie” song from Sesame Street, when he bust into his own version.
“P is for poopy, that’s good enough for me, OH P is for Poopy, that’s good enough for me, OH poopy, poopy, poopy starts with P.”
The right reaction would probably have been to say something like, “You know Alex, we don’t sing about poopy,” but instead, I burst out laughing, thereby dooming us to a lifetime of poop jokes.
Whoops!
Since he’s gotten older, it’s only gotten WORSE.
Now that he’s four, he’s gotten, well, BETTER at the poop jokes. Whereas my ten-year old, who takes after his mother, couldn’t tell a joke if her life depended upon it. She requires a joke book and coaching to properly execute a joke, but Alex is a master.
He can skillfully work a poop joke into almost anything (he also likes to run into walls to make people laugh, so I call him mini-Chris Farley). It’d be impressive if…wait. No, it IS impressive.
I’d like to interrupt this terribly mediocre blog post with an apology to the children with whom he goes to preschool, not simply for the poop jokes but because he called a “vagina” a “lasagna” for the longest time. Sorry about that.
A couple of weeks ago, we were out to breakfast with my ultra-conservative in-laws. When I say “ultra-conservative,” I mean it’s like they’re from the 1950′s. Seriously, my mother-in-law is June Cleaver.
Thankfully, Alex waited until we were halfway out of the restaurant and (possibly) out of earshot of my in-laws before he began his piece de la resistance. I’d like to say, “I’d have thought of that, too,” but it would be a total lie.
His older brother began to sing that atrocious, “I Like To Move It, Move It,” song as we walked toward the cars, my daughter firmly gripping my hand.
Alex of the Poop Jokes began to sing along in the only way he knows how tone-deaf and at top volume.
In the middle of the parking lot, in front of God, my horribly conservative in-laws and anyone else who happened to be walking by, Alex began HIS song.
I like to poop it, poop it.
I like to fart, it fart it.
It went on for approximately a thousand verses, and before he was done, I had to stop walking, tears pouring out of my eyes, as I doubled over, using a parked Volvo as support, hysterical.
Again, the proper thing to do was to say something to perhaps DISCOURAGE the kid from continuing this, however, every time I tried, I got even more hysterical. I mean, who knew my kid could come up with something so cleverly gross?
I hate to admit it, but I was a little jealous.
About Aunt Becky
My mother in-law apparently broke a wooden spoon spanking my sister in-law with it for singing the diarrhea song. In my house? I was the one that taught my kids that one. It’s a classic.
(The p is for poopy thing is awesome, though. He gets major points for creativity.)
Twitter Name: midgetinvasion
Bwahahahahaha! That rules!
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
Seriously? She’s right. The “P is for Poopy” song = comedy GOLD. Alex is my hero.
Twitter Name: BuffiSugarMommy
Alex is MY hero too. That’s brilliant!
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
But did you praise him for knowing that “poopy” starts with “p”? That’s incredible.
I think that we are better parents if we find our kids to be hysterical.
Twitter Name: ParentingS
I totally agree with you on this, Jenn.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
I concur on both counts!
It’s probably rediculously easy for me to say this, not having kids and all, but Bravo! Even though you say you couldn’t help yourself, I think you did the right thing. Creativity deserves a reward. Besides, it’s potty humor now but his creativity will probably blossom even more with this much encouragement as he knows and understands more of his world. I mean, you’ve got to go with what you know, right? Besides, what a bonding experience to have with your mom!
Alex’s creativity is unsurpassed by anyone else in the family. He is going to have quite the life.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
I now know two songs I need to teach my 4 year old son… who loves poop jokes more than anything… well, except talking about his penis!
Twitter Name: DontSpkWhinese
Let me know how much he likes it!
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
Leila, my inlaws have a P song about the penis complete with YMCA-style body motions. (Yup, I did know about it before I married in.) It came into being when my Sis-in-law was a tween. She made a huge fuss about that word, so they started the sing to make fun of her. She’s 36 and it endures to this day. They even did it at her wedding, after a few adult beverages :)
OMG, that’s awesome. I love your in-laws already.
Twitter Name: escameron
Okay this is a song I need to use to mock my son later on.. HAHAHA That is hilarious! I would find that kind of family behavior endearing… mockery is a form of flattery right ;)
Twitter Name: DontSpkWhinese
BWAHAHAHAHAHA. That’s awesome. I think I want to marry into your family.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
My daughter laughs at farts. Mostly her own. There are so many naughty things that she does that I can’t help but laugh. I know this makes discipline harder, but it makes our lives more beautiful.
Twitter Name: Brandiyaya
I’d rather laugh than yell any day.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
That shit is hysterical, yo.
You got to love the kid.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
Maybe I’m not hep, but I thought those were the lyrics to that song …
I think you may need to apply a gentle but firm parenting hand here, because he is at an important crossroads: the comedy stylings of Chris Farley, or the atonal squawking of William Hung (of She Bangs fame…).
K
OMG. If he turns into William Hung, I’m so fucked.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
Lasagna = Vagina???? FTMFW! I love that kid!
Twitter Name: serial_writer
I cannot eat lasagna any more. Thanks, Alex.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
I agree, that is way too awesome to stop.
Twitter Name: marta28
I think we should do an internet version of “I like to poop it, poop it.”
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
Yes, how do we make that happen.
I think I like to fart it, fart it needs a refrain. Though personally I prefer to toot it, toot it.
Twitter Name: marta28
This is hilarious! Both of my boys are masters of the “nasty humor” to the point that I am afraid to take them in to some situations. I am afraid that my dad will have a heart attack over my 10 year olds love of humping inanimate objects, which by the way is hilarious only because he started doing it because our dog used to do it and he didn’t know what it meant. He thought the dog was dancing with people’s legs! But, it became habit because mom of the year (me) would burst in to hysterical laughter every time. My three year old is following in his brothers foot steps, and finds poop hilarious as well. I know I shouldn’t laugh but poop is funny! Kids talking about poop is hilarious. Nothing I can do!
Typical Parenting Blog: “OH NO! You need to put that child in time out, before he becomes an evil corporate genius who also kills puppies and tells the whole world that there is no Santa Claus!”
Aiming Low Parents: “That shit is HYSTERICAL!”
Me: “YOUTUBE. STAT.”
(I love Aiming Low peeps, is what I’m saying.)
Twitter Name: txtingmrdarcy
Omg this made me laugh out loud and I don’t even know your son. That’s absolutely hilarious. Screw the parenting award, your son sounds like a riot!
Twitter Name: becs1017
my daughter was about 3 when she sang “i see london / i see china / i see somebody’s vagina”. i laughed, complimented her rhyming scheme and suggested she sing vagina songs only at home.
We haven’t had a lot of poop jokes (I have hope for #3, as the girl is Pure Evil), but while I was reading this, she did start playing Shark! with #2, which involves running around him in a circle while biting.
Of course, #2 is the Boy Screamer, so this consists of him screeching like a baby seal being flayed alive, #3 singing the Jaws theme (she has not seen the movie, really! Our DVD player has been broken for years….) and me yelling at #2 “Don’t show fear! She knows when you are afraid!”
Screw college funds- I am just hoping to save enough for therapy copays.
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