I’m due to give birth in two days. TWO DAYS. Although, actually, at the risk of revealing a dirty Aiming Low secret, I’m actually writing this a week ahead of time (apparently “aiming low” does not apply to deadline-meeting–we are all responsible hypocrites, but don’t tell anyone), so it’s possible that I may already have given birth when this posts. In which case, someone send me a martini and a case of those Flav-Or-Ice pops for my underpants, stat!
Anyway, right now I’m trying to make a birth playlist that doesn’t sound like Enya having a Tantric orgasm all over my living room. Which is harder than you might think.
I have a history with making evocative iPod playlists. When I was just out of college, working for a soulless real estate company with an extra 15 pounds on my frame thanks to a post-breakup penchant for eating blocks of cheddar cheese and bags of potato chips in my room while watching Sex and the City marathons, I created “Make Yourself Cry” (which I have previously referenced here for its odd inclusion of the power ballad Sister Christian by Night Ranger… the rest was pretty cliche: Everybody Hurts, Fire and Rain, pretty much the entire album After the Gold Rush by Neil Young). A few years later, after being fired for the first time, I rocked out to the “Unemployment Mix,” which sought to raise my spirits by way of Billy Ocean’s Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car and that Prince song where a woman raps about dancing like a horny pony. I’ve never made a sex mix, probably because it would be too embarrassing for someone to discover it–like the time my coworkers and I were at our boss’ apartment for a party and found a playlist called “F**k Me” on his computer. It included Back That Azz Up, and I am still working it out in therapy, so I can say no more.
But back to the birth playlist. It is obviously very important. I mean, it’s going to guide me through what will probably be the most physically painful experience of my life, as well as serve as my baby’s first introduction to Earth’s music. Yes, I could go with something soothing and instrumental, but it’s important to me that my son has a healthy sense of irony, so here’s what I’ve come up with so far:
- “Push It,” Salt N’ Pepa
- “I’m Coming Out,” Diana Ross
- “Born This Way,” Lady Gaga
- “Wide Open Spaces,” Dixie Chicks
- “Pussy Control,” Prince
- “Your Crowning Glory,” Julie Andrews and Raven-Symoné (from The Princess Diaries 2, so you know it’s quality!)
- “Torn,” Natalie Imbruglia
- “Hello World,” Lady Antebellum
- “Is You Is Or Is You Ain’t My Baby?” Dinah Washington (this one is for my husband, in case it comes out blonde, or black)
Chances are, though, that my labor is going to last more than 36 minutes, so I need your help. What pop songs that could be misinterpreted as being about babies coming out of vaginas am I missing? Bonus points for anything from the Christian rock oeuvre, or sung by an underage Canadian male with luscious bangs.
About Una LaMarche
Baby – Justin Bieber
Scream – Michael and Janet
Baby Boy – Beyonce
Twitter Name: ItsAshy
Nice, I especially love the Scream suggestion.
Twitter Name: sassycurmudgeon
Take Me Out by Franz Ferdinand!
Twitter Name: CristeeniMarie
Haha, YES.
Twitter Name: sassycurmudgeon
(That would be especially good for a C-section, although I’m hoping very much not to have one.)
Twitter Name: sassycurmudgeon
Cry Baby- Cee Lo Green
You Shook Me all Night Long- AC/DC
Who’s Crying Now- Journey
Under Pressure- David Bowie, Queen
Must Get Out- Maroon 5
A Little bit me, a Little bit you- The Monkees
Personally I vote for the Lion King soundtrack.. Just play “Circle of Life” on repeat until you feel like a God.
Genius. I am totally going to play the Lion King song when we introduce the baby to our friends, like Cam did with Lily on Modern Family.
Twitter Name: sassycurmudgeon
I laughed so hard at your list and then got sucked in myself…
-The Ronettes – Be My Baby …gotta throw some dirty dancing soundtrack music in the mix.
-Generation 90 – I like to move it, move it
-Mariah Carey – Always be my baby …because it’s mariah
-A whole new world from Aladdin
-Bruce Springsteen – Born in the USA
-For an emo baby there’s Bright Eyes – First day of my life
-Phil Collins – Please come out tonight
-On the risque and slightly creepy side there’s Sean Paul & Beyonce – Baby Boy
and since I obviously just searched my itunes for ‘baby’ other things that came up: Vanilla Ice – Ice, Ice, Baby, Tenacious D – Baby, Alice Cooper – Billion Dollar Babies, Usher – There goes my baby, and sappiest yet best song goes to Taj Mahal – Lovin’ in my baby’s eyes, and Miles Davis has a song called water babies.
Best wishes.
Twitter Name: newmusicco
Thank you! I LOVE the Bright Eyes and Phil Collins suggestions. I will save the Phil for (if and) when he’s a week overdue… :)
Twitter Name: sassycurmudgeon
Be Brave Love Be Strong by Susan McKeown
Good luck!
Thank you! What a power anthem…
Twitter Name: sassycurmudgeon
“Ain’t No Stoppin’ Us Now” and “The Future’s So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades”
Happy pushing!
Twitter Name: enzosdelicious
So upbeat–I love it!
Twitter Name: sassycurmudgeon
9 months ago, you could have gone with Blame it on the Alcohol. Too late now.
Good luck!
Twitter Name: uppoppedafox
Touche. And thanks!
Twitter Name: sassycurmudgeon
I have no suggestions, but I’m totally adding all these to my “Get This Thing Out Of Me” playlist!
Twitter Name: thepsychobabble
Glad I could help. :)
Twitter Name: sassycurmudgeon
Oh my gosh, really? Hilarious! What about “Baby got back?” or …hmmm I’ll have to think of more. I can’t believe you are *this* close to having a baby and still manage to post a quality article. Clearly, you are far above the rest of us. ; )
Congratulations, if you’ve already given birth!
Twitter Name: Amber_MtMC
Baby Got Back (Labor) will be in heavy rotation if, as I suspect, I feel like I’m pushing a bowling ball out of my butt.
And I made it–no baby yet!–but thank you so much.
Twitter Name: sassycurmudgeon
Drop It Like It’s Hot – Snoop Dogg
Go Low – Ludacris
I Need a Doctor – Dr. Dre ft. Eminem
Rebirth – Bone Thugs ‘n Harmony
There are some gangsta songs for you.
Word.
Twitter Name: JWMoxie
You are amazing, that is definitely what my list was missing.
Twitter Name: sassycurmudgeon
smells like teen spirit -Nirvana
“Hello, It’s Me” by Todd Rundgren
That’s courtesy of my hubby Peter – he’s a big Todd fan.
Best wishes to you and Jeff and baby makes three.
Cheri
Can’t go past I See You Baby (Shakin That Ass) by Groove Armada, if you come to a lull in the proceedings..gentle reminder to baby to hurry up!
And yes, it’s a wee bit..something..but how about Vanilla Ice? If nothing else it may give you a giggle. Bonus points if anyone in the room decides to break out with the lyrics.
Twitter Name: RHWKai
The image of everyone in the delivery room going “Stop! Collaborate and listen!” between contractions just makes me smile.
Twitter Name: MamaKaren