Gaze Upon My Bunghole And Tell Me You Love Me

Oh, love.

Oh, glorious, wonderful, lusty, beautiful, scary, heart achey, head-spinning, boner-inducing, breathtaking LOVE.

It’s so fucking awesome.

And then it’s so fucking hard.

But today I’m going to focus on the not so fucking hard kind.

I am celebrating my five year anniversary with my man. Five whole years with my southern, crass, tender, scruffy, sweet, humble, rebellious, booboo kissing, hard working, beer swigging, bear hugging, ass slapping, boob loving hunk of a man.

I consider myself a lucky lucky girl.

He’s a good dude. And I’m so happy that he’s my dude.

We’re not the perfect couple, by far. But who is? Who made up that bullshit about a white picket fence anyway?

You can most definitely look for your own version of the perfect person… with the master’s degree (in awesome and relatable subject) or the all-black Range Rover or the right haircut that your friends think is cool or the zit-less ass, or the credit score of Oprah or the long dong or the lack of a third nipple.

Or you could take a long hard look at their heart. And then you allow that person to see yours. And if you love what you see, then you’ve got yourself a keeper.

This is also true when it comes to their asshole. Trust me on this. Hear me out now.

In a moment of drunken honeymoon weakness, we took photos of each other’s assholes.

And then we looked at them.

I don’t think I have ever laughed so hard in my entire life. Even through the dry heaves of disgust- at that moment- I knew we would be together forever.

Find someone who will love your imperfectly perfect self. Transparent heart, tarnished asshole and all.

About Robin Plemmons

Robin Plemmons is an artist. She makes greeting cards in her own funky handwriting that say things like, "Congratulations on making a human with your genitals!" & "I hope you washed your crotch because I'm about to put my face in it." You can find them in her Etsy Shop. She blogs at ballstothewallyall.com & tweets like a horny hyena. Follow her if you like that kind of thing: @robinplemmons.

Comments

  1. Whitney Soup says:

    i’ve personally never been in love, but i imagine that this is it. looks good :)

  2. JW Moxie says:

    Happy anniversary! May your love for one another never end. < - I said ‘end’.

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  3. HeatherS says:

    I’m going to leave it at Congratulations and it sounds like you 2 were meant for each other! And have a lot of fun together. My other half and I have a withered, broken down stockade fence in our backyard that the neighbors really enjoy looking at, but who cares? Our marriage is awesome. Not “bunghole” awesome. But awesome. You make me laugh, girl.

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  4. lceel says:

    Happy Anniversary. Other than that, I cannot POSSIBLY comment.

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  5. Katie says:

    You guys are precious. I thought searching George’s ass crack for ticks once meant true love…but photographic evidence?! Now that’s something special. Congrats to you two! You’re definitely doing something right because you sure did make a fucking cute kid…. and I also love how whenever you mention him, you also mention ‘lusty’ or some form there of… it’s a good sign of a long lasting relationship. =)

  6. Well, God love it.

    Who CAN’T love a man described as you did? Hell, I don’t even know him and now “I” love him, too.

    Maybe one day I’ll find my very own asshole.

    =)

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  7. Sarah says:

    I love you but we are not butthole inspecting when you visit this weekend.

  8. Mindfulmoon says:

    My man once asked me to come look at his poo and tell him if it looked weird. Now, after stifling my gag reflex, I realized how awesome that is that he could actually feel comfortable asking me to do that.

    Just recently I realized it doesn’t just go one way. Since I suffer from a psychiatric disorder, I realized that, someday, the meds might not work effectively anymore. I made the descision to draw up legal paperwork authorizing him to make descisions about my care and legal affairs if I am declred mentally unstable so he wont have to fight about it in court. It takes a lot to trust someone that much. May your marriage always be bunghole love strong.

  9. jessica says:

    yeah, I’d say the asshole thing sealed the deal.

    I love that you found each other. YOu are an amazing woman Robin and you deserve only the best.

    xo

  10. IlinaP says:

    Hysterical, as always. Happy Assiversary!

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  11. Naomi says:

    Awwwwww…this is so disgusting and yet completely touching. I love it.

    Happy Anniversary to you are your favorite bunghole! xxoxoxox

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  12. allison says:

    I was assuming (okay hoping) this was going to be about cats, but this is pretty cool too. Weird, but cool. *stifles impulse to work in the words ‘rectify’ or ‘rebuttal’*

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  13. From the bottom of my heart, I hope your best days aren’t behind you, your marriage stays out of the toilet, and in the end, you remain glad to have found each other.

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  14. Ann says:

    ‘Don’t have a website….’Guess this is one of those anniversaries like we have – -of our first *whatever*, ‘right ? Cause I’m pretty damn sure you got married in August.
    ‘Here’s to many more realizations you and Zack are made for each other.Mike and I are ALWAYS discovering new ways we are alike and different.and in crazy love.
    mom

  15. Unknown Mami says:

    Happy Anniversary. Perhaps you should photograph your asssholes every 5 years.

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  16. John Cave Osborne says:

    and i thought the 5 year anniversary was wood?

    but it’s bungholes? hmm.

    oh well. i know one thing. 6th anniversary is the taint. so you got that to look fwd to.

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  1. [...] Dates: My parent’s anniversary is September 9th, 1966 — 9/9/66, which, numerically speaking, reads the same way upside down as [...]

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