I try really, really hard to be a compassionate and loving human being.
Is this the right thing to do?
Is this the kind thing to do?
Is this the compassionate thing to do?
It’s a good and rewarding way to live. Case in point, the other day Tariq brought home some Reese’s Peanut Butter cups, the four pack, and I gave one to each the kids and then I was like, “Tariq, I’m going to eat two of them because this is bad for you and it just feels right, kind and compassionate to protect you from all the sugar and nasty junk in this stuff.”
He was moved, and I felt extremely rewarded.
So, anyway, I’m like Gandhi.
Except.
There’s one circumstance that makes my usual Dr. David Banner demeanor go all Jolly Green Lou Ferrigno in the blink of an eye…
DON’T MESS WITH MY KIDS.
I want to be compassionate and see where people are coming from on this one, but I physically can’t. The OB definitely shot me with gamma radiation right before the epidural. I just know it.
It could be a grown up who’s commenting on how skinny both of the kids are, or a six year old who’s telling someone not to be friends with my daughter. You mess with my kid, I want to tear your head off. Even if you’re only six years old.
The other day, my daughter told me a boy in her class spit on her.
W.T.F.He.spit.on.her.
One creepy thing about me is I’m able to mask homicidal feelings with an even tone of voice.
Outside David Banner voice: Oh, really? He spit on you? Huh. And what’s that? You didn’t say anything to him or tell the teacher?
Inside Incredible Faiqa Hulk voice: FAIQA ANGGGRRRRRY….WANT TO KILL LITTLE %^&*%$# BASTARD!! WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT PARENT TEACH KID TO SPIT ON OTHER KIDS???! WHERE WAS TEEACHER WHEN THIS HAPPEN?!! RAAAAWWWRRR!!
In retrospect, Incredible Hulk Faiqa was being highly illogical. Even the worst parents aren’t at home saying, “You know what would make me really proud? If you’d spit on other kids. Here’s how you do it…” And I can’t even keep track of two kids, who am I to judge a woman charged with seventeen?
Hulk tendencies aside, I muddled through.
Okay, no, actually, I did a damn fine job.
I told my daughter that a lion lives in her heart. He has muscles, teeth and sharp claws. When she feels scared, I told her she should whisper to the lion and ask for his help. He’ll give her a voice, one that’s loud and strong and that will tell people it’s not okay to talk to her or treat her in a way that makes her feel bad.
That should work, right?
And if it doesn’t?
There’s always Faiqa Hulk.
RAWR.
About Faiqa Khan
I told my daughter that a lion lives in her heart. He has muscles, teeth and sharp claws. When she feels scared, I told her she should whisper to the lion and ask for his help. He’ll give her a voice, one that’s loud and strong and that will tell people it’s not okay to talk to her or treat her in a way that makes her feel bad.
LOVE THIS THANK YOU!
Twitter Name: 2pinklines
I TOTALLY MADE THAT UP. Seriously, I think that might have been one of my finest moments as a human being. I’m going to be really pissed if turns out that’s a line I forgot about from Family Ties or something.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
“I told my daughter that a lion lives in her heart. He has muscles, teeth and sharp claws. When she feels scared, I told her she should whisper to the lion and ask for his help. He’ll give her a voice, one that’s loud and strong and that will tell people it’s not okay to talk to her or treat her in a way that makes her feel bad.”
Utterly brilliant, and I think I might borrow this. I also get frothingly mad (on the inside) when my kids are hurt/threatened/harassed.
Twitter Name: sungryphon
Thanks. Like I said, my kids are my compassion kryptonite. Well, I didn’t say that. But they are.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
I am the exact same way when it comes to my kids. My daughter had a problem with another girl at daycare during the summer. We did all of the calm, rational, polite things. When none of that was working I told her to punch the little bitch in the face as hard as she could. That worked.
Snort. What I didn’t put in this post was my husband yelling over my shoulder, “If someone does that to you again, you smack their face, do you hear me?!”
Twitter Name: Faiqa
Ugh. A boy spit in my daughters face once at school while she was waiting for pickup from me. Holy mother of rage. I really wanted to stan his mother in the eye with a spark. Really. Badly. He was her bully that year too so that wasn’t even the worst of it. He used to stand behind her in lines and kidney punch her when no one was looking. I *may* have taught her to throw an elbow after that.
Twitter Name: Ebcummings1
Stan=stab
Twitter Name: Ebcummings1
My secret belief is that some of these kids will never learn. I think a good elbowing is called for every now and then. Also, I think you just made up a prison term… “stan” him.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
I hear you. Mack was being bullied by a couple of kids in elementary school and it took everything I had to simply allow the school to handle it and not smite the little fuckers myself. When the teenager next door asked if we wanted him to go “take care of it,” I nearly agreed.
P.S. The school handled it just fine and it stopped.
Twitter Name: msmegan
It’s good when the school does what they’re supposed to do. I talked to the teacher the next day. I told her I didn’t expect her to do anything about it right now, but that she should be prepared for how Nuha was coached to react to the situation.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
“I told my daughter a lion lives in her heart” damn near made me cry right here on the spot.
Twitter Name: ellemmes
Right? I saw Tariq tear up a little when I said that… well, right after he stopped yelling about how she should tear that punk’s head off.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
Oh my goodness! Were we seperated at birth?!?! I have been struggling with this a lot, lately. We have been going through a bully thing with Joseph. We have tried making friends with his bully, avoiding the bully, talking about how unhappy he must be to act like that, etc. We are trying to set a good example for how to handle conflict for our children, but Andy is a former Marine. He has been trained that, in times of stress, he should really be killing something. Although I have been trained and trained and trained to manage stress and maintain a clinical distance, I know that my husband was worried that I was about to committ a domestic act of terrorism and he was going to have to hide some bodies. It was the hardest thing in my LIFE not to go up to the school and put a hurtin on that kid. I was shocked to find myself seriously wondering if hormones could allow me to get away with assaulting a six year old. The school was not helping. They seemed to be more concerned with the rights of the bully than those of my child who was getting physically ill from the stress and coming home with bruises. I finally asked what the policy was about fighting when there was a history of bullying. After being told that it was looked at differently, if there was a history, I politely (shockingly!) informed them that I would be teaching my child that if the bully hit him again, he was allowed to punch him in the throat as hard as he could. The bully has been moved to another playground time, and I have been assured that a close eye will be kept on him, so he is NEVER around Joseph. I guess, sometimes, Crazy, pregnant Hulk Mommy gets things done when polite mommy couldn’t. Sad.
I se nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, the school or other parents don’t want to deal. I’m trying to teach mine not to hit back but I’ve beeen teaching him some rude words to make the offending person feel very small. You wanna be mean to my kid? Well, he’s gonna be mean right back. But smarter.
Twitter Name: HeatherSchiavo
Honestly, I think I would have done the same thing. In fact, I did go to Nuha’s teacher the next day and said, I don’t even expect you to do anything about this right now, but you should know that I’ve instructed her react in a specific way and pls don’t discipline her for it.
Interestingly, nobody has spit on her since. I gather because the teacher knows to look for it now.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
Someone once said that “a friend is someone who helps you move”, a good friend helps you hide a body.” Call us…Just sayin.
There are fewer forms of human behavior lower than spitting on someone. As you know, I too have a bit of a temper and a crazy protective side…combine that with my germaphobia, and its on!
I must say that you handled this beautifully by doing the exact opposite from what each one of your primal impulses was instructing you to do!
…now what if that happened in sight of you?
Well done Mother Bear.
Twitter Name: latchkeymatt
I do remember being somewhere with Yusuf once and some older kids (strangers) were purposely trying to keep toys from him or something and I went over to them and looked them right in the eyes and said something like, “Uh-uh… look at me, you don’t treat him like that, you got it?”
They almost started crying.
They were only like seven or eight years old.
It was awesome. The thing is, I can act this way because I know if some crazy mom comes up behind her kid defending him, I can totally take her.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
Having a newly minted middle schooler, we have had to deal with all kinds of situations this year. Mo is small for her age, so she ends up a target for EVERYONE. We recently had the situation where a boy was picking on her, but she stood up for herself and he stopped. When he moved on to another boy, (This kid was literally choking the other boy!) Mo yelled at him to stop, then ran for the principal, saving the victim & getting the bully suspended for a week. Sigh…. Why kids think this bully behavior is ok is beyond me, but now, my tiny warrior is seen as a protector by her classmates! Go figure!
Twitter Name: blondefabulous
This is like the BEST STORY EVER!!! YAY!! PS, I still haven’t been to Mud Island/Harbor Town. Next weekend probably. I will definitely be @ing you on Twitter the whole time.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
Call me a psycho mom. A kid once pushed my son down to the ground at a splash pad. I bet she will never forget my face. NO ONE MESSES WITH MY KIDS.
Mmmhmm. I did something like that once. And I’d do it again a thousand times. That child is SO lucky he didn’t do that in front of me. Or *I* am so lucky he didn’t do that in front of me.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
This is just amazing.
Twitter Name: Amber_MtMC
Well, hey, thanks!
Twitter Name: Faiqa
Amazing. I’m borrowing the lion bit, for not only my daughter but every student I teach that is bullied and afraid. Fantastic post.
Twitter Name: nystoopmama
That’s awesome. Thanks.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
I loooooove the lion bit. LOVE.
But also? BWAHAHAHA! Faiqa Hulk! LOVE!
Twitter Name: thedgoddess
I was SO angry. I am still in awe of how I kept it together.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
all hulk hilariousness aside, that is such a great way to address that issue. and a very sweet way to instill courage in your daughter :)
Thanks, I think it helped. Hope.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
I love telling your daughter a lion lives in her heart. That’s awesome. I’m going to use that. On myself.
Twitter Name: JM_Randolph
Definitely. Please do. Find your lion.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
What a horrible experience for your daughter but what wonderful advice you gave her, she won’t forget that, ever.
Twitter Name: penbleth
I’m glad you said that. Because I worry that she’ll remember the spitting and not that someone was there to love her and support her afterward.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
My “kids” are actually young adults now. So, they can technically fend for themselves & aren’t really subject to bullying anymore. But that doesn’t mean I won’t cut a bitch for messing with one of them. Or, just revert to my old-school days & egg a bitch’s house. Either/or.
Twitter Name: bonesysblahg
Word. I’ve never egged someone’s house. But I would for my kids.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
I get coo coo when the neighborhood kids pick on mine. They get scared when they see me coming. I like that.
Twitter Name: SugarJones