Come Check Out My Schooner

San Diego is a cool town. I was lucky enough to breathe in it’s warm, fishy air last month when I attended BlogHer.

(BlogHer was fantastic, by the way. I learned shit & was inspired by shit & caroused with a lot of non-shitty people. Evidenced below).

See? Totally non-shitty.

Beyond the walls of the Marriott Marquis were rows and rows of boats. Little dingys. Big ass barges. And vast ass vessels.

I was intrigued by all the different names people had given their fancy ass water crafts and wondered why they chose what they chose. And then we just started making up stories behind the monikers.  For example:

Twice Blessed! This is probably owned by someone with two vaginas or two peeners.

***

19th Hole! This is most likely owned by someone who enjoys a martini and anal sex after a round of hitting balls.

***

Whiskers! I’m guessing this is owned by a woman who scored the boat in the divorce settlement. She now lives on the boat with seven felines and a shit ton of Fancy Feast. Their names are Skipper, Gilligan, Mary Ann, Ginger, The Professor, The Millionaire, and Lovey. They all have matching captain’s hats.

***

Fantasea! I imagine this clever sea person is the creator of Fanta soft drinks. Oooo! OR it’s owned by Ludacris. Maybe he bought it in honor of his hit song, “What’s Your Fantasy?” If so, make sure you don’t come knockin’ when the boat’s rockin’. You can’t un-see that.

***

I have a feeling that I’m right. DAMMIT, I am such a genius. I should be a boat name detective person or something.

About Robin Plemmons

Robin Plemmons is an artist. She makes greeting cards in her own funky handwriting that say things like, "Congratulations on making a human with your genitals!" & "I hope you washed your crotch because I'm about to put my face in it." You can find them in her Etsy shop (lemonswithapea.etsy.com). She blogs at ballstothewallyall.com & tweets like a horny hyena. Follow her if you like that kind of thing: @robinplemmons.

Comments

  1. Jennifer says:

    My stepparents own a boat. It is named “Passin’ a good time.” I’m pretty sure it is because when you float by you are passing a good time. Maybe I’m too literal.

  2. beta dad says:

    Wouldn’t two ‘ginas and two peeners=4xBlessed? I should probably not question your boat-name detectiveness. I’ll just shut the hell up.

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  3. Kelly says:

    Our boat was named “Sorry, sir!” I’d love to hear what you make up for that one!
    Yep, “was.” Past tense. Ever heard that the two happiest days in a boat owner’s life are the day he bought it and the day he sold it? True. Too true.

  4. Unknown Mami says:

    I was there, but I might have been acting a little shitty. No, no, no…I was wearing my baby and sometimes she would get a little shitty, but then I would change her diaper.

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  5. it’s not my boat, by the way, that first one. in case anyone was wondering.

  6. Sugar Jones says:

    Some of those boat names are pretty funny. Lots of clever boaters out there. No alcohol involved at all, I’m sure! ;)

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