No. We're very happy. Really.
I’m moving to Memphis, Tennessee.
I’m not actually in my new place right now. It’s a short, boring story.
I’m typing this from my parent’s house in Florida because our new place isn’t going to be ready until the first few days of September.
So.
I am 35 years old and I live with my parents.
FANTASTIC.
This is what I always dreamed my future would be. It would’ve been way more awesome if they actually had the dank basement I envisioned.
/defeatist sarcasm
First, I need to tell you that this isn’t a post about how to survive in your parent’s house for ten days. It is a post about how to survive in my parents’ house.
My parents are lovely, generous and caring people. You may find one day that if you need a place to stay, they will lovingly, kindly and generously open their home to you. You should say yes if they ask, but there are things you should know if you’re their child.
So, basically, this post is for my brother.
Or other siblings I may not be aware of.
I can already hear you saying, It’s only ten days, Faiqa Khan, it’ll be fiiiiine. It’s like a vacation.
No.
It’d be like a vacation if I lived with YOUR parents.
My parents? Never take a vacation.
4 Ways to Survive Ten Days in My Parent’s House Which Is Going to Be A Vacation If You’re NOT Their Offspring In Which Case They Have a Pool And Live on A Golf Course So Good For You And Your Stupid, Free Vacation
- Go to law school or medical school. If you’re going to live with my parents, you need to go to law school or medical school first. Engineering school? Masters degree in Liberal Arts? Lame. Without a law/medical degree, you’ll constantly be reminded of how articulate you are, what you scored on your SATs, and how they are tired of not being able to explain to their friends what it is that you do for a living exactly. “I write, Dad. Tell them I’m a writer.” To which he responds, “That’s what people say when they don’t want to get a normal job.” Um. Good point.
- Make sure your kids are total jackasses. Do not bring polite, well behaved children into my parent’s home if those children are related to my parents. They believe that such children are most certainly not the result of firm yet loving discipline but somehow just erupt from the ground like delicate lilies of the field. They will make this belief clear to you if you say ANYTHING other than “OMG YOU ARE THE MOST AWESOME KID EVER. PLEASE SMACK MY FACE AGAIN AND ASK TO HAVE CANDY FOR DINNER FIFTEEN MORE TIMES!!”
- Make sure your spouse is also a jackass. Otherwise, my parents will constantly look at you like you’re an overseer on a South American sugar plantation whenever you speak to your spouse. They will also look at your spouse with looks reminiscent of Lady Gaga-ish wisdom, “We don’t know why she’s like this. She was born this way.”
- Do not let the movers ship your car to Tennessee. I have no car. I.HAVE.NO.CAR. Don’t let them take the car, man. Do.not.let.them.take.your.car.
Dearest Brother and Siblings I Do Not Know About,
I hope that wisdom of my own experience helps you survive your ten days.
Did I miss anything?
How would you cope with ten LONG days of living at my parent’s house?
About Faiqa Khan
I believe I’ve used this answer before, but flee. Your husband and kids will be in good hands (because they are NOT your parents’ children). Check in to a hotel – take a cab if necessary. Pretend you’re single and have no kids. And no parents.
Twitter Name: msmegan
I take my children to visit my parents in Florida every winter for about 4 weeks. I once made the mistake of not bringing my car. Worst mistake ever. It happened to be the year that gas prices were initially rising high, and every time I wanted to go even down the street with their car, I got the evil eye and was told no, I’d just be wasting gas. Always, always always have a car.
Good luck with the rest of your 10 days!
Also don’t plan meals. If you plan meals that involve Take out/in, you will be asked questions like “really? but we have food here” or “potatoes are good for you” <—– Every day of the week. (insert eye roll)
Lots and lots of martinis. Put on a show! Stomp your feet when you don’t get your way, pout, sleep until noon…
Might as well milk it.
10 days isn’t so bad. How do I know? I was once sentenced to 10 MONTHS at my mother-in-law’s house. I was seriously trying to think of things that I could that would put me in jail, a better alternative.
As the petite Rob Schneider often says: “You Can Do it!”
Twitter Name: Dudeofthehouse
I so hear the car thing. My car…”I’m going out, Mom. Okay.” Mother’s car…”I’m going out, Mom, can I borrow the car? Where are you going? How long will you be gone? What are you going to get? Do you really need to go anywhere right now?”
If I fly in now, I rent a car. It’s so totally worth it.
You wanna take me up on that offer to visit Canada now, sugar?
this is exactly like staying at my inlaws. exactly. I’ll write you a private email.
Twitter Name: PerpetuallyKate
Not the car! NEVER STAY WITH RELATIVES WITHOUT YOUR OWN CAR! I’d rescue you but I haven’t been to medical school.
Twitter Name: uppoppedafox
I haven’t lived with my parents in over 15 years; however, EVERY time I go to visit or they come to visit me for an extended period of time it’s “Where are you going? When are you going to be back? Make sure you call when you get there. What are your plans for today?”
Apparently they believe that I should stick to a curfew and provide them with a published itinerary of my daily activities if I’m within the same zip code. There are advantages to living out of state.
I drink when I go to my parents house. Seriously, and I’m not really a drinker.
Revert. Become a teenager again. Stop reminding yourself (or them) that you’re thirty-five, now. Sit on the couch and watch TV, eat foods that were supposed to be part of tonight’s dinner, and when your kids ask you for something, respond with, “I dunno. Ask Grandma.” This is how I got through living with my in-laws for a year and a half. Enjoying that for ten days you get to be a kid again, will keep you from wishing you were a kid again when your little ones want you to ride the merry-go-’round, “again!”
WHOOOOOA. Wait a minute. You are moving to Memphis? I am in Greenwood, MS. We might have to have a meet up!
Twitter Name: robinobryant