You know what I mean… mix a sweltering summer day with short jorts and slight seepage and what do you get? A musky muff.
How do you combat the musky muff? You wash that thang. But even if you are spread eagle in front of the coldest air conditioning vent, chances are if you stuck your nose in the slot, you’d find that there is still a hint of vadge. It’s the same way with balls. (So I hear. Ahem).
The good news is that vaginas are self-cleaning. You don’t need to shove foreign bodies or chemicals into your sensitive orifice. It actually does damage. That’s why the word “douche bag” has a negative connotation attached to it. Just wash that mother every day with gentle soap and water. And if you’re expecting someone to put their face down between your thighs, make sure you at least wipe it down with a handi-wipe. OR if you’re desperate for some immediate cootchie cleaning because you’ve been all up in da club werkin’ it out and this dude wants to make out (or something) then order a vodka on the rocks and splash it up your pleather skirt. Alcohol kills germs and it could possibly double as a cocktail.
But for clarification and just in case you stumbled across this post by googling “how do I thoroughly wash my hoo ha?,” here are some ways in which you should NOT wash your front butt.
- Do not use a bottle brush. No scrubbing! This may be hard for you OCD types to resist.
- Do not use a pressure washer. That thing could wash out your entire uterus, fallopian tubes and shine up your ovaries.
- Do not go to an automatic car wash and hang your junk out the window. Unless it feels good of course. Duh.
- Do not use a Mr.Clean magic eraser. Unless someone drew on your crotch with a crayon. Then, by all means… erase away.
- Do not accept the offer of a happy finish from one of those windshield washers on the street corner. Especially if it’s Jerry. Although his work is admirably meticulous, that dude doesn’t rinse his squeegees. That’s like, SO unsanitary.