I read an article a long time ago where some starlet commented on her relationship with her husband. She said that she never lets him see her in hair rollers or without makeup; she felt it was unfair for other people to get the movie star version of her while he got the schlub. And he never, ever saw her go into or come out of the bathroom.
I laughed for a good five minutes after I put the magazine down, because my boyfriend lives with the exact opposite of that.
It’s not difficult for me to slide into disgusting; I’m already rounding the corner towards perpetually unkempt.
As a result, there’s very little about my body that skeeves me out or that I’m unwilling to discuss (constantly and loudly). Poor Seth is usually on the receiving end, because I hang out with him a lot. And seriously, bodies are fascinating, right?
I mean, what is that stuff that pills up under your arms after you put on deodorant? It doesn’t even match the color of your shirt.
Because it’s summer, and because I am a horrifying mixture of ooze, I sweat all the time. Like, just all the time, all day, walking around with a sheen of dew all over me. My normally nice skin turns into a breeding ground for zits and bumps. Recently, I noticed that the skin on my back was itchy; I was laying next to Seth and had him take a look. “Oh, yeah – you’ve got a few little whiteheads here on your shoulder. LET ME POP THEM!”
I bet you want me to stop talking now, right? So does Seth. Too bad it’s not going to happen.
Anyway, people, I don’t know what is worse – that I had him look and give a diagnosis, or that he wanted to pop them.
NOTHING grosses me out more than popping zits. I don’t even know when it started, but I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember. I have to turn my head away when people even pretend to pop zits in movies. And you’re not even supposed to pop them! You put a hot compress on them and draw them out. Yes – draw the ooze out instead of spraying it all over the fucking mirror. It doesn’t leave a scar and it doesn’t hurt, and it’s seriously less gross.
So here’s my gross boyfriend wanting to pop the gross zits on my gross back. I made him put witch hazel on them instead, and thought about that article with the starlet that entire time. People think that having to wrangle kids or falling into boring careers is where relationships start to grow stagnant.
I’d argue that it’s actually when your significant other is slathering antiseptic all over your skin.
About DanielleH
We’re the same! Only I let him … I feel it’s some kind of bizarre neanderthal grooming ritual from my favourite orangutan and I’d hate to deprive him … I tell them that I grow them just for him! It does ease the itching and the aching of the little horrors – and there’s a certain peace about coming out of a hot shower and laying on the bed whilst someone massaging you in a strangely vicious pinching sort of way.
My husband helps me peel the dead skin after a sunburn :)
I’m a connoisseur of my husbands farts. I can detect fruity and spicy notes…we comment on it all the time.
Twitter Name: MommaCupcake
Oh man, you guys are freaking hilarious – the post as well as the comments after. I am a “picker” too – only I groom my kids as well as the hubs. They all HATE when I chase them with q-tips or nail clippers and especially when I say “hey, what’s that???? Come here and let me look!”
Twitter Name: kmcaffee
Holy cow. That’s me too. My mom even says, “For God’s sake, leave those kids alone!”
Twitter Name: TalkIsPrimary
Curious as to who the starlet was!
Yeah, yeah all that ‘perfection’ stuff is fine for the first few months of dating but then we really do have to admit our humanness and let the hair down :)
Curious as to who the starlet was!
Yeah, yeah all that ‘perfection’ stuff is fine for the first few months of dating but then we really do have to admit our humanness and let the hair down at some point :)
My marriage crossed the line one night when both my husband and I had to use the restroom at the same time. Our house has 2 bathrooms, so no big deal, right? Weeeeellll….there was this one thing. The bathrooms shared a wall. So, we could each hear what the other was ‘doing’. So not romantic. We laughed at each other through the wall though. What else can you do?
Twitter Name: TalkIsPrimary
Surely popping zits for our loved ones or both going to the bathroom at the same time is a good sign: that we feel comfortable with each other, safe in each other’s company. I frequently hear that we men have disgusting habits, like farting, belching, etc. But the ladies aren’t perfect either. Yes, they fart as well, although they tend to be more embarrassed than men and do it in private. Every couple is different. One couple’s signs of affection may be another couple’s death knell to the relationship. Vive la difference, I say.
Always refesrhnig to hear a rational answer.
Twitter Name: hPGGwZSOBMGcKdfHfYR
My husband of less than 2 years apparently felt comfortable enough with me yesterday to share that he had “shit a rope” that very morning. Since I was pretty sure he did not eat a rope beforehand, I did as for clarification. According to his explanation, it’s one of those lovelies that curls around the toliet like a snake, seemingly neverending.
You might be too young to remember this but do you know the movie Terms of Endearment? Debra Winger, Shirley McLaine, Jeff Daniels, Jack Nicholson? Ringing any bells?
Anyway, I bring it up because there is a scene in which newlyweds Winger and Daniels are in bed and she gets an enormous amount of joy out of popping Daniels’ back zits. It’s apparently, well, endearing.
Twitter Name: Kizzbeth
Good explanation. I like to see clearly Martha