OMG. SkyMall.

I hate traveling.

I like visiting new places, but I hate traveling.  Therefore, I make sure when I’m traveling that I bring loads of stuff to distract me from traveling.  Despite never having been referred to as a “techie” by myself or anyone else, my travel distractions consist of the following items:

- Laptop
- Blackberry Playbook because I cannot go 24 hours without playing Tetris.
- Nook
- Cell phone

I just recently got the Nook and the Playbook, so this was actually the first time I traveled without a physical book, magazine or newspaper.  Shut up, of course, people still read newspapers.  I think.

Did you know they make you turn that stuff OFF when the plane is taking off and landing?

They do!

OhMYGod, if you include take off and landing, that’s approximately 26 minutes of travel time that must be spent undistracted if everything you brought is electronic.

OH, THE HUMANITY.

I would very much like to diverge at this point and say that I am very suspicious of the whole “your cell phones are going to mess up our radar” ploy.  But, I won’t.  It’s fine, I believe you, “captain.”

Anyway, what do you do when you have to sit there strapped to a seat for 13 minutes while the pilot lands and takes off?

I would also like to diverge here and write another post about how suspicious I am of the fact that it takes an entire thirteen minutes to land a plane.  I mean, come on.  If I took thirteen minutes to get in my driveway, I’d be committed to a “special” institute.  But I won’t write that post either.  Because, it’s fine, I still believe you, “captain.”

One one of the two roundtrip airline trips I’ve taken in the past two weeks, I’m found myself fidgeting in my seat when I noticed Tariq reading some magazine and literally crying because he was laughing so hard.

“What’s so funny?”

“I’m reading the SkyMall Magazine.”

“And… that’s… funny?  Isn’t that a catalog of stuff you can buy?”

“Oh, it’s not just stuff.  It’s … hahahahahaha… you have to see this.”

He holds up the catalog and shows me this:

What.the.HELL?!

So. This guy apparently really wants to be comfortable on his flight.  Look, I want to be comfortable on my flights, too, but I’d rather have a sore neck than relinquish my dignity for all eternity.  Pull yourself together, man.

I will say that one of these would have been very useful in my tenth grade math class.

Tariq, amid near hysterics, says, “This means he got his little sleeping wedge all ready…hahahaha… went through security….hahahaha… sat in the waiting area… hahahahahaha… and boarded the plane with it!!”

Now, we’re both laughing.

“But, wait, there’s more!” he flips the pages and shows me this:

That’s a hat that has a hole in it so you can slide your sunglasses through the bill of the cap.  Because, you know, pulling your sunglasses off and putting them on the bill of your cap is extremely inconvenient.  Naturally.

Now, it’s just uncontrollable laughter and the guy on the other side of Tariq is no longer scared and uncomfortable because he’s sitting next to Muslims on a plane but because he’s sitting next to people who are obviously high on drugs.  

We look at at more items, laughing or pontificating on the usefulness of each one.  We discuss whether the price is right, wonder about the people who think of these things and, goodness, about the people who buy these things?!

Suddenly, our ears pop and the thud we’ve come to know as landing gear signifies that we’re going to be on the ground any minute.  We hold hands during descent, and I realize that those thirteen minutes weren;t long, at all.

Soon, we’ll be home giving baths, cleaning up after dinner, and trying to get work done.  There will be no long stretches of quiet time spent frantically trying to find something to do.

There will be too many somethings to do and not enough time do them.

We look at each other and realize we’re thinking the same thing.

And then we start laughing like maniacs.

Because, really?

A sleeping wedge?


Photo Credit

SkyMall Images on website

About Faiqa Khan

Mother of two, wife of one, master of none. Trying madly to be prolific on her personal blog at Native Born and proving beyond a reasonable doubt that she's not a racist on Hey! That's My Hummus!

Comments

  1. SkyMall is a the greatest collection of the coolest, most practical stuff, I’ll either never have money for or will sell in a garage sale five years from the date of purchase.

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  2. Cici says:

    You didn’t post about the nap curtain…that one cracked me up…it’s called a blanket to us uncultured, non-frequent fliers…

  3. Better a sleeping wedge than a sleeping wedgie!

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  4. gwendomama says:

    Excuse me, Madame, but that man did NOT board with a ‘sleeping wedge’. It is INFLATABLE.
    How do I know this? I recently flew SWA 6 times in 3 weeks and saw that in the Skymall catalog. I laughed 6 times.

  5. SkyMall is just the best thing ever. If you want to laugh uncontrollably and weird objects without the hassle of travelling somewhere, there’s always the Hammacher Schlemmer catalog. Seriously, SkyMall but with an actual budget. Go there. hammacher.com (I must admit, * occasionally* Hammacher has useful stuff, but it’s still worth the browse.)

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  6. SkyMall is just the best thing ever. If you want to laugh uncontrollably and weird objects without the hassle of travelling somewhere, there’s always the Hammacher Schlemmer catalog. Seriously, SkyMall but with an actual budget. Go there. hammacher.com (I must admit, * occasionally* Hammacher has useful stuff, but it’s still worth the browse.)

    Twitter Name:

  7. Novice Wife says:

    Laughing at SkyMal is how it starts, but mark my words – soon you’ll be thinking how awesome that full wall world map is or how useful that globe-that-is-secretely-a-liquour-cabinet would be . . .

  8. Jennifer says:

    I hate the landing. No way does it take that long to land a freaking airplane when it takes like six seconds to get off the ground. JUST LAND ALREADY! Or at least that is what I want to yell as we are circling the airport the fifth time.

  9. SkyMall is like Sharper Image meets Saturday Night Live. LOVE IT!!!

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  10. Skymall is like PoshTots for adults. Google it. You won’t be sorry. Useless, expensive shiz.

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  11. Megan says:

    The wedge is weird, but if one appeared randomly as I was on a long night flight, I’d totally use it.

    That hat, however, is just stupid.

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  12. HeatherS says:

    As a non-techie I just travelled with a copy of “The Help,” (the real hardcover book copy that needed a paper bookmark and everything) but my techie friend had her smartphone and ipad and did you know you can put them in “airplane” mode so you can use them in all their offline glory? That was very cool. And that wedge looks damn comfy. But too embarrassing to actually take on a plane.

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  13. TheGoriWife says:

    I have seen that sleeping wedge in skymall before too, I think it’s inflatable so security wouldn’t be a problem. EVERY time I’m on a flight I pine for it, and if I did have that one last shred of dignity still intact and in my possession, I’d already be the proud owner of one. As soon as it’s gone, though, I’m ordering myself a comfy wedge :)

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  14. red cones says:

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