My Baby is Sexier than Your Baby.

Isn’t is totally sad and weird to see those little girls glamified for those baby pageants?

I would never enter a little girl in one of those things. Lucky for me, I don’t have a little girl. I have an 8 month old boy and he is ON THE WAY to the crown. Watch out Macy, Maddie and May Belle, my kid is taking you DOWN.

We’re not going to be the next family to appear on “Toddlers and Tiaras,” but we will be entering our local fair’s Baby Contest. Note that I said “contest.”  This is how you get your husband to go along with it. If you say the P word, it’s all over. You can forget your rainbow kisses  and jazz hands. It’s a contest, just like every football game is a contest to see who is the best football player. Right? Totally the same. (Feel free to use that one with your husband).

You should know that the prize in the contest is  a whole $25.00. You should also know that next to the Baby Contest, is the Pig Contest, which is across from the goat milking demonstration. Please know however, that I do not live on a farm. I live in Philadelphia, so when you live in Philadelphia and get the opportunity to display your baby on a stage next to livestock, you take it.

Sadly, this is not a high glitz pageant. But I’ve learned a thing or two from the little ladies on TLC. This is what our current training schedule looks like:

“Blowing kisses” practice bi-hourly
“Smile at them judges!” practice before meals
Outfit prep and modeling choreography daily before bath time

Since this will be posted after the pageant contest, I can tell you our strategy. Daddy will be taking baby on stage and they will be wearing this ensemble:

Judges hearts=melted.
Also, don’t tell Daddy. He doesn’t need to know this just yet.
It’s on America. Watch out little girls. Your days are numbered. THE CROWN IS MINE. I mean ours.

Now we need to get back to our coach. He gets pissed when we’re late or unfocused during practice.