A Musical Tribute to Capitalism

From the SkyMall Magazine. Yes. Really.

Next time you’re flying, don’t cage fight an entire family. Jump out of your seat and do the Skymall Rap instead. It’s guaranteed to relieve stress or make everyone as
miserable as you are.

I’m sitting on the plane getting ready to fly
When a ‘zine behind the barf bag catches my eye
I pull it from the pocket and I take a quick look -
For any problem you got, there’s an answer in this book

There’s a yeti for your garden – it’s two feet tall
It will freak that nosy neighbor peepin’ over your wall
When you’re lyin’ by your pool workin’ on your tan
There’s a creepy armadillo that can hold your beer can

All the yetis in the garden put your hands up
All the yetis in the garden put your hands up

Bunions, hammertoes or plantar fasciitis?
Funky foot contraptions can certainly unite us
If your feet are fine but your head is the trouble
There are headbands and helmets that can cure it on the double

If you’re losin’ your hair, there is hair in a can
You just shake it baby, spray it baby and then you the man
But if you have hair in places you don’t want it
Thermicon technology will get right up on it

All the yetis in the garden put your hands up
All the yetis in the garden put your hands up

Trace your puppy’s family tree. Toilet train your cat.
Then find yourself a therapist – Skymall can’t help you with that
There are spy cams and vid pens and tiny voice recorders
Batteries are in the box but not restraining orders

I shut the mag and close my eyes – my brain is kinda hazy
Recline one inch and fall asleep then things get really crazy
My dreams are filled with capitalists chasing a buck
And and a host of dancing yetis who just don’t give a…

All the yetis in the garden put your hands up
All the yetis in the garden put your hands up