“Oh, you take the Drunk Bus?”
The guy at the comic store and I were talking about how to get more students into the store using public transportation. Since I sold my car when I left Rhode Island, public transportation has been my jam, so I thought I could be of assistance here. Our conversation made me realize what the locals call my bus line.
The University of Wisconsin is huge, absolutely massive. Like, 50,000 students huge, not counting the rest of the population in Madison. As a result, there’s a free shuttle that rolls around campus in a big loop, making it easier for people to get around. It’s open to the public. Which, at night, means it’s open to drunk people.
I had my first experience with the Drunk Bus last week. I was on my way home around 9pm. A man that would normally be referred to as “surfer like” in appearance ripped that assumption to shreds as soon as he opened his mouth. He stumbled on, saying, “Hey, this is FREE! Where is it going, man?” Great, I’m on a bus with Jeff Spicoli. As he focused his bleary eyes on a seat near mine, he listened to a conversation between two Asian students sitting nearby. Within 2 seconds, he was shouting “DOES ANYONE HERE SPEAK ENGLISH?” Mind you, he was saying this to two graduate students who probably spoke not only English, but at least one if not two other languages. And were sober.
He sloppily got up, swung around a bar, and continued his drunken rant down to the end of the bus. On the way, I mistakenly made eye contact with him. “Do YOU speak English?” I just closed my eyes and nodded, because I do not normally entertain these sorts of fools with any modicum of tolerance. He stumbled away, and kept shouting at people in the back of the bus about whether or not they spoke English.
Then I heard him say, “Even the people on this bus that DO speak English won’t talk to me.”
Um, dude, you smell like a brewery and look like you’ve been awake for a month straight.
What’s hilarious is that more and more people kept getting on the bus, and not ONE of them was speaking English; Farsi, Chinese, Dutch, you name it, but NOT English. I thought he was going to lose his mind.
He eventually stumbled off the bus at an unpopulated stop near the edge of campus, talking about how when he got back to his planet (not even kidding) he was going to tell everyone that he was on the bus from hell. Weird – it turned into quite a fun ride once he got off.
About DanielleH
That sounds like the kind of bus I should be riding. I’ve met many Jeff Spicolis in my time living on the California coast.
Twitter Name: lickthefridge
This brought back memories of the bus that ran between our east and west campuses. Too funny.
Twitter Name: dragondream
That is freaking awesomely hilarious. Thank you.
Twitter Name: Al_Pal